Feeling low 11 weeks PP

[Rooandtwo]

I don’t really know where this belongs or what I’m looking for. Things aren’t even that bad- I mean I can imagine them being far worse. Mostly I think (though sleep deprivation makes it have a clear sense) I feel happy and in love with my LO.

but today, the last few days, I’m exhausted. I keep reading about starting to find a routine about now or that she should be starting to sleep longer, particularly if I give a dream feed. But she often doesn’t go down until my bed time anyway (9 or 10 now I’m so tired). Naps aren’t entirely irregular but only last 30/40 mins unless she sleeps on me or in her carrier which means I can get things done and ensure she’s getting the sleep she needs in the day, but it means I can’t catch up on sleep in the day ever really. I’m very tired..I know this is a big part of how I’m feeling. She’s been waking 3 times between midnight and 6 for the last three weeks. She writhes around noisily each time and eventually cries out and I don’t know if I’m right to pick her up and feed her or not. The last wake is often at 5 so I barely get anything that last hour. I am struggling to believe this will improve any time soon, and not to feel negatively that it’s just going to merge into 4 month sleep regression.

recently we have been trying to get DD to take a bottle, and I think we are just starting to get somewhere (lansinoh tests seem to have given us hope at least), but she still only seems reliably to take it from me. DH is hard on himself and I am reminding him a lot how hard it was for me establishing BF due to flat nipples. Feeding the LO’s is so emotional isn’t it? Anyway I still think we will get there but supporting them both to get there is another job/depleting. But if I felt anyone else could take care of her themselves even for an hour, even if I didn’t ask him to I think id feel less stuck.

additionally, my body is getting me down. I had to have a c section - I’ve no idea if that’s having an effect or if this is just how my body was going to be. My mum told me her PP weight just fell off her whilst breastfeeding and that just doesn’t seem to be happening despite her being EBF. I keep feeling the impulse to ask my OH to take a photo of me and LO and then when I see the photo I look nothing like I expect and just feel huge. I don’t want to enter some sort of post partum dieting as I’ve got myself into trouble wrestling my body in the past. My normal lifestyle is generally healthy and I feel I should see where my body settles itself naturally, but currently of course I’m getting to take very little exercise compared to normal. My engagement and wedding rings also still don’t quite fit which makes me think water weight may be part of the issue still but maybe I’m kidding myself about that.

we recently (last week) moved house which has probably added to all this. I just have been holding out for improvements towards the 12 week mark and I think today I just suddenly can’t see it happening and it feels like there’s no end in sight to this level of demand and instability. I don’t want or expect DD to be totally routined or predictable, hence being led by her, but this is just…hard. And isolating despite very supportive husband and mum. And I’m very tired. And I feel low. Sorry for such a rant, I can’t believe anyone will make it this far. As I said, not really expecting advice. Appreciate any company here today really.

OP, I’ve read all your post because you’ve written it for me. I’m in the exact same boat and I write this as I am nap trapped by my 11wk old.

I don’t have much advice because I’m in your situation but I do think such feelings are normal and we need to plough through. It’s just hard. When I don’t get enough sleep I actually cry because I feel so irritable.

My DS is also EBF and we’re having some luck with Lansinoh bottles but it’s very hit and miss when DH gives it which makes me anxious about not having time to myself.

I feel you about the weight gain too. I had a very strict gym routine prepregnancy which I’ve abandoned completely and I’m now left with much bigger waist and loose belly skin.

Let’s try to hang in there and try focus on the positives xx I think things can only get better xx

Hey BB, thanks for replying. Just us I guess but at least we have each other 😂 I’ve spent the morning unpacking boxes and waiting for a call that has now been rescheduled for this afternoon - the world is not set up to support early motherhood naps is it? DD has been in a lovely mood even whilst unaccountably filling 5 nappies in 2 hours (wondering if it’s something I ate) and so although I can barely keep my eyes open at least I have love to keep me going.

I daren’t think it can only get better but I know you’re right that it might well. It remarkable how three weeks feels like it’s a sign it’ll never change, despite being just under a third of her total life time. I do know it won’t be like this until she’s 18, but some mornings that’s just not enough.

Bumping after a day with no opportunity to get a nap in, wondering if anyone else can commiserate.

Last bump

Hey Rooandtwo, even though my baby is now eight months old your post really resonated with me! I remember well the feelings of isolation and tiredness, even with a supportive partner, and I had the same struggles with feeding due to flat nipples and a tongue tie. It’s a hard way to start. I think early motherhood is such a shock to the system - I wasn't really prepared for how much my baby needed me, and how relentless BF would be.
What really helped me was to just lean into it and remember it’s not forever. Embrace the contact naps and the long feeds. Go to bed when baby does and just scroll your phone or watch something on your laptop.
I hate to be that person but it really does go so fast - I’d give anything to watch TV with a sleepy baby on my lap now, but he won’t have any of it!

It really does get easier slowly, one day you'll realise baby hasn't fed for three hours instead of two, or that they're suddenly happy in the bouncer for 20 mins! Oh and definitely persevere with the bottle - we dropped the ball and baby still won’t take one. Do you have a sling library near you? A sling can be great for pottering about.

In the meantime, try to look after yourself and accept any offers of help, even if someone just comes over to make you a tea and have a chat. Get your partner to make you a sandwich or something before they leave for work so you can at least grab it out of the fridge when baby is fussy.
Don’t worry about how you feel unless you feel they're getting worse, then definitely speak to your HV, but honestly I feel like every mum feels tired, low and a bit shell-shocked at some point, I certainly did. xx

My baby is now 9 months, but I remember these feelings like they were yesterday. The nap situation sounds totally normal. I did what you’re doing - contact naps to get baby to nap for longer, but I did do some of the naps in the crib or cot to keep them used to it. They were only catnaps, but they did naturally lengthen in time. The nighttime wakes also sound normal - the writhing around could potentially be wind? At that age though I would still feed on every wake. I too was hoping that something would change at the magical 12 week mark but for me it took longer than this. I started feeling more like myself, both in my mood and appearance, around the 6 month mark. I know that will seem ages away to you, but things did slowly improve week by week up until this point. Having a baby is the biggest shock to the system ever and although it’s amazing, it’s tiresome and bloody hard. You’ve also had the stress of a house move which will make it feel even harder. I promise it does get easier, bit by bit. Keep on going and take whatever help you can to get yourself some rest. Do speak to the GP though if you continue to feel low x

Please be kind to yourself, it's so so early for you still! You are going through an incredibly stressful time, recovering from surgery, moving house on top of all of the stress of looking after a tiny baby - it sounds like you are doing amazingly well! Everything is just a phase and things will change sooner than you realise, please try and rest and look after yourself.