Second baby timings and work

[LuckyFlash]

Hello! I know this is totally a personal/family decision but I’d love to get thoughts and advice from other people who may have been in my situation.
I have a 2 year old and have been back at work for just over a year. I love my son to pieces but also love coming to work and have a really fulfilling career. Since returning I have taken on a huge career-making project. It will really open doors for me in the future and allow me to carve out a career path that is more conducive to family life (more money, less reliance on long hours, the possibility of not being tied to London allowing us to make more of our money and move out of the slightly hum drum commuter belt).
DH and I have always said we would wait until 9 months before DD qualifies for his free hours to try for baby 2 as we can’t afford the childcare otherwise (no help nearby). This would be December which feels right for us. My plan was to be pregnant while completing this work project and then go on Mat leave not too long after the estimated completion date.
however the completion date has now moved back (potentially even by a year) and it’s made me panic. I desperately want to see this through for my own sense of purpose and for the career opportunities but really don’t want to put off having a second child.
I am 35 and DH is 43 so time is not on our side and obviously there’s no guarantees we will conceive easily this time.
I’m sure I’m not the only person who has been in this situation so would love to hear some experiences and how it worked out.
for ref I am the main breadwinner - DH works full time but earns considerably less so my salary and earning potential is v important

I think you're over thinin things a bit. Took me 11 months to conceive second time at 36, which ended in a miscarriage, 7 months to conceive next time which also ended in a miscarriage, and 8 months for the last time, which did end up in a live birth but a month premature. So all your best laid plans can go kaput if nature chooses. Just have a baby when it feels right for you and your family. Everything else will fall into place.

Is it really an either / or for your career with this project? If the project never existed, would you be happy with where you were going? Will it actually make that much difference? Also, are you sure it won't be delayed again?

Also, 35 isn't that old. 43 isn't at all old for a man.

My hunch is that the project makes less difference to your career than you're telling yourself, and also that an extra year's delay at 35 makes less difference to your fertility than you're telling yourself. Obviously I don't really know. But you probably just need to try stop thinking about it for a few days and then come back to it an have a calm conversation with DH and make your plan. Which, as PP says, probably won't be what happens anyway.

Childcare help is changing remember. From May next year, 2 year olds will get 15 hours per week per academic year, and from September next year, all 9 months old will get this too. (Other changes take longer to come in).
Don't ignore the man's age - there are risks with older fathers, eg increased risk of autism, and it can't be ideal having a baby in your mid 40s (and a 20 year old in your mid-60s etc), however possible it is.
What if the project extends by another year?? I'd give having a baby a go if it was me.

It’s hard to say without really understand the project and your role in it.

Could you move it forward, start trying now, with a view to returning for the last year of the project and ending on a triumphant note?

Or, are you certain that not finishing the project will mean you can’t have the kudos/career change you want? Shouldn’t you be able to demonstrate x, y and x skills even if you didn’t see it through to completion?

Personally, I wouldn’t wait to project completion just in case that risks having a second child.

I would go with my original plan, and if the planned time of birth coincided with the project I would take the minimum maternity leave of two weeks. Leaving the baby with the lower earning DH on paternity.