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Parenting

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Original poster

Do not want to be a mum anymore

18 replies

giveups · 03/07/2023 06:52

Hello
I have an almost 18 month old daughter and she has become so very challenging. I'm starting to hate being a mum and wish I could go back in time. I feel so bad saying that because she is a good girl and I love her to pieces but I'm just hating it. She does sleep through the night which is a massive pro and always has done, but recently it's been taking about an hour or two to get her to sleep in the first place. She's started crying every time i try and put her into her cot. She has started throwing massive tantrums and just being awful. She's started to hate her car seat and arching her back whenever I go to put her in. I feel like I can never win with her and it's exhausting. I'm just so tired and sleep deprived that I can't do this anymore. I work 3 nights a week finishing into the early hours. I work these shifts so I can spend more time with her and have more days off. If I'm not battling with her, I'm doing housework. If I'm not doing that, I'm working. I need a break I just can't do it anymore. I'm 24 and feel so trapped in my own life. Her dad and I are separated but he is involved to a point. He's a good dad but doesn't seem to want her over too much.
Not sure what I'm looking for but I just need to vent I think

OP posts:

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ThomasinaLivesHere · 03/07/2023 06:56

Sorry you’re having a tough time. It does get better.

Scousefab · 03/07/2023 06:59

Hey things get better! Night shifts are hard and exhausting. Maybe have a look at day time jobs instead or using a nursery for a day to give yourself a rest! I used to take my daughter soft play and swimming. With house work ask yourself does it need to be done or try and clean as you go. It doesn’t build up and you get more of a break! Kids are not easy full stop. I currently am having issues with my DD they seem to alter the sleeping patterns as it’s currently light outside. Get daddy or grand parents to have her for the day and get some sleep!

mrssunshinexxx · 03/07/2023 07:01

'He's a good dad but doesn't want her over much '

Read that back OP

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families

Feelingcrazy123 · 03/07/2023 07:01

We have a 3 year old and I remember feeling the same way and all those things too. It is so difficult but it does get better and new challenges come along.

i know it’s easier said than done but can you take a little time for a bath or go for a short walk? I know it’s very difficult to find the time and it’s something I still struggle with now, but it can help.

I really hope you’re okay and these emotions and feelings are normal. There are many days I want to run away from everything and take a big break too.

Belltentdreamer · 03/07/2023 07:15

18m- 2ish years can be a really tricky bit. By 2 their language is coming on and this generally helps…
can you ditch the night shifts and work in the day whilst she’s at nursery/childminder? So your rest time is actually restful?

GracePalmer33 · 03/07/2023 07:22

How can he be a good dad if he doesn't want to look after her? He's not a good dad. You're doing all of the work.

If I'm understanding correctly, you're working a night shift and then you'd be looking after her in the morning? No wonder you are knackered. Can you get her into nursery or arrange for the dad to have her some days after your night shift? You need to properly rest. When you're exhausted everything seems harder. When I'm well rested it doesn't phase me as much when my 7 month old is being super difficult and nothing is working to settle them.. when I'm exhausted it feels impossible and I want to run away.

7Worfs · 03/07/2023 07:24

It’s indescribably hard when they are so young and we need to function on no sleep all the time.
At that age your DD would probably enjoy days at nursery more than long days at home with a tired mum. Best to send her to nursery all week and work days, then have lovely evenings and a good night’s sleep.

When this is sorted, you’ll find you have more patience and calm to really look into why your DD is upset and handle it well.

Re cot - maybe she’s ready for a toddler bed?
Same with car seat - if she is still rear-facing in an infant seat, I’d just to forward-facing and by the next size seat.

SavedbytheBe11 · 03/07/2023 07:24

A single parent, working with a toddler? Well done you! You are doing amazingly! You're finding it hard because it is difficult.

Do you have any family or support network?
Can you lower your expectations for housework?

You sound tired, petal. I think some sleep would really help you. Is there any way you can get that? Can the dad step in more? Cosleeping? I'm not sure!

It is relentless and a tough period though.

Are there playgroups or children's rlcentres or midwives near you who you can reach out to? It can be helpful to offload, and get tips from other parents.

Sorry I can't be more help...

cptartapp · 03/07/2023 07:29

He's not a good dad if he does less than his half. He's fobbed most of it off to you.
I hope he's paying CM. Use that for nursery and swap to day shifts.

BallantyneValentine · 03/07/2023 07:32

You are struggling because this is a ridiculously difficult phase of parenting and her Dad is more or less leaving you to do all of the parenting.

There isn’t much you can do except remember this difficult phase will pass, they all do and in the meantime for your sanity try to lower you expectations. Try to reduce the demands on yourself. She doesn’t need to go to things so if something is solely for her benefit (baby group etc) and not for your sanity, to meet up with other Mums, then leave it for the moment. Reduce housework to the minimum. Get out for walks because exercise improves everything. You are the number one thing in her life, if you want to care for your daughter you really need to care for yourself and reduce any pressures you can on yourself. It is so tough and you are amazing

LetItGoHome · 03/07/2023 07:32

I think you need to re-think how you are doing this. After all it's a marathon not a sprint race.
The father needs to step up and take his share of parenting responsibilities. I'd also stop the night shifts and switch to days.
It sounds like you are burnt out, and I'm not surprised!
Do you have any family or other support network?

CherryLipgloss · 03/07/2023 07:36

OP it's not surprising you're tired. If you have your DD with you all day after a night shift when do you get to sleep? Could you switch to day shifts?

Ollifer · 03/07/2023 07:37

Op it gets so much easier, honestly. I used to be in tears most nights around that age as I too had to sit in my daughter's room for up to two hours to get her to settle every single night aswell as working full time and doing all the housework etc. It was a nightmare and I hated it. She's now nearly 6 and it's still tough especially as I'm on my own but she trots off to bed at 7 very night which makes such a difference. I have my evenings to myself. And also she doesn't scream every single time I try and put her in the car.

It will get better. Just keep remembering that it's the only thing that got me through

Giltedged · 03/07/2023 07:44

OP is already separated from her daughters father.

@giveups i am currently nine months pregnant and I am already dreading the toddler stage, seriously. They are very cute but my god the desperation for independence combined with no common sense is as you say absolutely exhausting.

Mine is currently in that tricky stage where he doesn’t need a nap but he does need a nap so prone to over tiredness in the day and has these horrendous meltdowns when tired. I swear we put a bunch of people off ever having children at a county show yesterday! It is not just you.

It gets better though. 18 months is a funny stage developmentally and doing it alone is amazing. You won’t be trapped forever, god knows it feels like it I know but you’ll get through

Boysmum92 · 03/07/2023 08:17

Its hard OP but all of these things will just be little stages and they will soon pass, youre doing an amazing job and you need to give yourself a break ❤
just afew little tips though that popped into my head when reading your post that may or may not help? our little ones have tonies on when they go to bed, so all different stories ( the gruffalo, zog, fireman sam etc) paired with a good solid bedtime routine, bath, milk, book, cuddle, lights out, night light and tonie on works for us anyway? they look forward to picking which tonie theyre going to have. With the car seat situation, bribary is always a good policy 😂 along with a car CD or playlist they love.

heartofglass23 · 03/07/2023 08:51

Do you have childcare for when you need to sleep after a night shift?

Original poster

giveups · 03/07/2023 12:58

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice. She's still being very challenging so wondering if something may be wrong or maybe she's just overtired.
Her dad seems to just prioritise different things such as partying etc. and I think he thinks it's acceptable as we are relatively young. For example he goes on holidays to Magaluf etc. whilst I'm here looking after our daughter. I'm not interested in anything like that anymore so I can't really relate. Luckily I am getting away with current dp this weekend and my mum is having her so I can relax. My dp has come and watched her whilst she's been screaming so I can at least go to the toilet and get changed! He's great to me and her. Her dad is a great dad when with her, but I think he has his priorities wrong.
My night shifts, I work until midnight so don't sleep until 01:30/2:00 and then have my daughter back at 08:00 latest due to her dad working Monday to Friday full time. I do this three days a week so I can spend more time with her during the day times.
Being a parent is more challenging than anyone could ever prepare you for. I sympathise with all of you in the same boat and it feels good that I am not alone in this. Being a mum is the hardest job in the world but I'm sure you're all doing great also :)

OP posts:

Original poster

giveups · 03/07/2023 12:59

@Boysmum92
Thank you for these suggestions, they are really helpful and I will definitely be trying xx

OP posts:

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