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Original poster

2 year old, nursery, suspected autism

13 replies

TooBusyGazingAtStarss · 02/07/2023 23:03

So my son will be 2 in under 2 weeks and the nursery move them up to the big room (kinds from 2-4) when they're 2. He's got his first session upstairs on his actual birthday to see how he gets on.

We had the HV round at nursery request around 7 months ago as they had some concerns he wasn't developing etc.
We are awaiting an autism assessment, he's had one hearing test which advised glue ear and he has another one a week after his birthday.
He doesn't talk, just bababbaa. He screeches and screams when he can't get things or do what be wants, he head bangs, sometimes quite ferociously when trying to sleep (naps are on the floor in the big room)
He doesn't answer to his name or point or anything much. Happily in his own little world.

I'm just really scared for him to go into the big room, he's like such a baby still, things in his mouth constantly, a bit heavy handed if he actually does go to someone, he goes with his head, literally.

He is so sweet though and laughs so much, half of the time as God knows what.

Anyone been through anything similar and can reassure me or help me to feel a bit better about things?

His brother is upstairs, hes just turned 3 but he's always pushing him over, taking toys off him just because ect at home and I would hate for that to continue at nursery, felt like their time apart was nice for them...
Ahhhh its all a bit much..

OP posts:
justco · 02/07/2023 23:08

I worked in a nursery with a child like this. It's hard as the staff are on a 1-4 ratio, the head banging can be dangerous and I felt the boy in question really needed one to one support but the HV or local authority didn't agree to the funding as it's really hard to diagnose autism at 2 years old.
Even under age 5 most children aren't diagnosed. All I can tell you is the parent kept him at home in the end. Nursery wasn't really the right place for him. The other children were at risk too. I'm sorry I know it's probably not what you want to hear

VivaVivaa · 02/07/2023 23:18

Wow that’s a really wide age range for a nursery room. The difference between a neurotypical just turned 2 yo and just turned 3 yo is massive, let alone a 4 yo or adding in neurodiversity. Would he be better in a setting that has a more transitionary room before preschool? DS’ nursery had a baby/toddler room until 2, then a room for 2-3 yo then pre school for 3 up. Something like that might be a better so he doesn’t get lost?

Original poster
TooBusyGazingAtStarss · 02/07/2023 23:20

justco · 02/07/2023 23:08

I worked in a nursery with a child like this. It's hard as the staff are on a 1-4 ratio, the head banging can be dangerous and I felt the boy in question really needed one to one support but the HV or local authority didn't agree to the funding as it's really hard to diagnose autism at 2 years old.
Even under age 5 most children aren't diagnosed. All I can tell you is the parent kept him at home in the end. Nursery wasn't really the right place for him. The other children were at risk too. I'm sorry I know it's probably not what you want to hear

Its okay, I'm happy for your reply and experience.

He's been in the baby room since he was 8 months old and got on okay, but then most things are safe for him and he gets more attention..

I'm just so worried going up to the big room with older kids is going to squash any tiny bit of progress he makes..

Can they keep them in the baby room at all? I'm not sure what the rules are.. or would they just kick him out if he doesn't get on upstairs? They all seem to love him downstairs... they're really nice people but he needs watching like a hawk!!

Ahhh..

OP posts:

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2 year olds Childcare & nursery Families General parenting
lorisparkle · 02/07/2023 23:21

Have you looked at a more specialist nurseries?

Original poster
TooBusyGazingAtStarss · 02/07/2023 23:22

VivaVivaa · 02/07/2023 23:18

Wow that’s a really wide age range for a nursery room. The difference between a neurotypical just turned 2 yo and just turned 3 yo is massive, let alone a 4 yo or adding in neurodiversity. Would he be better in a setting that has a more transitionary room before preschool? DS’ nursery had a baby/toddler room until 2, then a room for 2-3 yo then pre school for 3 up. Something like that might be a better so he doesn’t get lost?

Thats a good idea.. yeah i did think the same tbh, about the age groups but its not a very big nursery which is why I chose it. Seemed like home and after all the lockdowns and what not i didnt want the boys going to some school looking place if that makes sense?

But i guess he may have to go elsewhere to progress..

How long would you give if?

OP posts:
Original poster
TooBusyGazingAtStarss · 02/07/2023 23:23

lorisparkle · 02/07/2023 23:21

Have you looked at a more specialist nurseries?

Didn't know they were a thing to be fair.

The boys only go there once a week anyway - not sure if thats a good or a bad thing?

OP posts:
lorisparkle · 02/07/2023 23:31

Near where I worked there was a nursery who particularly specialised in children with autism. Some local special schools also offered play and stay sessions and some offer nursery places. I would ask your health visitor if they know of any thing near you. Having support early on can be really useful.

Fleur405 · 02/07/2023 23:45

Definitely speak to your HV about alternative provision. There is a special school near me with an attached nursery - not sure what age they start taking kids and not sure how one gets a placement but it definitely exists.

justmewithmylifetoday · 03/07/2023 06:56

I would ask nursery if they can keep him in the baby room. As long as he is deemed safe to be with the babies in there. For example if he is boisterous and tall for his age etc this might not work as well if they have little ones crawling around.

I would make it clear to nursery that you feel your child is not developmentally ready to move to the bigger room. Stress that you are simply trying to meet the needs of your child and keep the other children safe. Also that until you get diagnosis it will be more difficult to seek further support in terms of funding.

As others have said I would still question with HV or local senco team etc if you can get any support or if any other nurseries in the area are known to cater better to neurodiverse children.

Xx

oddsbobbins · 03/07/2023 07:46

Without a diagnosis and EHCP you may struggle to get your child into a specialist nursery. However I think if you feel his developmental needs are better met in the baby room for a while longer then nursery really should accommodate this. My child with disabilities stayed in the baby room a full extra year before they had to move her on (even though she still was functioning at baby level).

Relaxinghammock · 03/07/2023 08:15

You should request an EHCNA - IPSEA have a model letter you can use.

Some LAs have specialist nursery assessment places (some from 2, some from 3) for DC without an EHCP, but who are or need to go through the process. It is worth looking whether your LA does.

Original poster
TooBusyGazingAtStarss · 03/07/2023 09:07

Thank you everyone - such an unknown world to me so your words and experiences are invaluable.

I think I'm going to give him a month of these upstairs 'sessions' then decide from there. The nursery said they will let me know after each visit how it goes.
If he's not getting on well, I'll ask for them to keep him down with the babies, if thats a no from them then I'll have to look at different nurseries I think.
They've been very good in all honesty- as far as I can tell -in catering for him.

Its just all a minefield! Hopefully by September he has his autism assessment. They said a 9 month wait at the start of the year but not sure if they straight away do an assessment or what so we shall see.

Thanks again all!

OP posts:
cyncope · 03/07/2023 09:33

TooBusyGazingAtStarss · 02/07/2023 23:20

Its okay, I'm happy for your reply and experience.

He's been in the baby room since he was 8 months old and got on okay, but then most things are safe for him and he gets more attention..

I'm just so worried going up to the big room with older kids is going to squash any tiny bit of progress he makes..

Can they keep them in the baby room at all? I'm not sure what the rules are.. or would they just kick him out if he doesn't get on upstairs? They all seem to love him downstairs... they're really nice people but he needs watching like a hawk!!

Ahhh..

Show quote history

There are no particular rules about keeping children in the baby room, but the nursery need to consider if it is safe to keep a 'heavy handed' 2 year old in the same room as 6 month olds.
It's also usually felt to be better developmentally to keep children in their peer group.

Definitely have a google for specialist or SEN nursery provision in your area too. These mostly don't require a diagnosis.

Have you also considered a childminder? A smaller group size of 3 or 4 children might be better for him.

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