3 year old night terrors - tips please!

[Mummyandmeandmy]

Our 3 and a half year old is experiencing night terrors or im trying to believe they are but I cant work out if its a night terror or just full on explosive meltdown. They’re not every night, perhaps happening 2-3 times a week

He will randomly wake up quietly (not crying or shouting) and we can hear him get out of bed so either my husband or I will go upstairs to check his ok and then as soon as he see’s one of us approach he flips out and the meltdown begins. He will continually run away screaming and makes this awful loud whinging noise which does not stop, he gets louder and louder but we cant go near him he freaks out but if we walk away he panics and comes running towards us but again as soon as we face him, he runs off shouting. We literally cannot win. Ive tried saying things like “we’re here when you need us” or “its ok we’re here for you” but he will literally screech and screech shouting i dont want you. He runs from room to room absolutely wild. Possessed is the only word that best describes it. Wide eyed, head thrown back, screeching. Nothing stops it.

Im really finding it quite mentally hard to understand what it is or how to handle them. trying to stay calm ourselves has been extremely testing. I find most episodes last around 1 hour (so not the 15 minutes I have read that it should last)
its making me think should i be going to the doctor about this? I have called our HV and explained the scenerios and got some tips but to be honest as much as it was great advice, they dont really fit the mould of our 3 year old. Leaving him to tire himself out really does not work. It just goes on and on where the gentle approach is purely wasted and has zero effect.
please any advice, should we go to our GP or similar experiences i would love to know, feeling very defeated by this x

That sounds awful for you all! I remember DD having his first night terror and it really scared me as he just seemed completely unreachable, my heart was punding for ages afterwards.
The one thing we found that helped calm him down (after a bit of trial and error) was managing to give him his favourite cuddly toy. That seemed to ground him and he'd then let us guide him back to bed where we'd sit for a bit and he'd then lie down and fall asleep. He would have absolutely no memory of it in the morning!

We found that happened to our child when they were overtired. We had to get strict with a 6pm up the stairs beginning of bedtime/bath time routine which lessened the episodes. Also, try not engaging. Murmured comfort but not speaking or reasoning or getting into conversation or trying to resolve it. Our child would have episodes that lasted about 30mins, totally distraught and weird slurred speech or screeching or looking at us but not seeing, doing things with their hands like sleep-acting.
, getting up and walking around distraught, like you say. Would be worse if we tried to speak to them properly. Otherwise, we had to go for full wake up, take them downstairs, lights on and loud Wake Up then! Which brought them out of it when it lasted a long time. (Don’t know if that’s recommended, but after thirty mins of what sounds like murder, we felt our options were limited) Seems to be growing out of it around 4 so fingers crossed for you. Did it on a night flight home once too. On a quiet plane full of people trying to sleep. That was fun.

Our daughter had about 4 months of sleep terrors at 2.5 years. You have my sympathies. We have found the trigger was lack of sleep/exhaustion, which was awful as she was refusing to sleep until 10pm, and each night like clockwork at midnight she would start screaming the house down. She was completely unreachable for 20-45 mins. I’m amazed the neighbours didn’t call the police if I’m honest. Occasionally if we got there right at the start and got her to take a bottle it broke the cycle. But for the majority we just had to let them run their course, which was so frustrating and upsetting to sit through while holding her feeling very helpless. I wish I had a better answer than “it will pass with time”, and try implement a hard bedtime routine and nap schedule. Maybe warn your neighbours if you share walls so they’re not thrown off by this. Sorry, it is the pits but it will pass x

Thank you so much for your replies.
@Travellingraspberry He used to have night terrors about a year ago when he was around 2 years old and a trick that would snap him out of it is i would sit and quietly play with his teddies and pretend they were talking to eachother and he would then slowly stop the awful screeching sound and try and listen to the “charade” i was doing and just watch then when i felt the moment was right, i would say “pooh bear wants a cuddle” and he would then take the teddy and lay back down. I feel now the terrors are definitely alot more wild and that trick doesnt seem to work anymore just where my presence seems to anger him more. He loves his teddies so i think il definitely try again and persevere to try soothe the situation.

@Tsiagisel 100% agree it’s definitely an over-tiredness is the cause as it only happens at night, usually around 9pm is when it starts. He doesn't really have naps in the day anymore, the odd occasion he might fall asleep in a car journey etc but when he does nap, his still has the terrors that night.

when his in the episode, he doesn't stay in one place so manic pacing around from room to room. Many times we eventually have to leave him to it but he follows us and then paces around where we’re sat so for example the living room. The HV suggested to not engage with it, dont ask questions etc which we follow and that does help, i also found trying to ask questions really angered him worse so the best method really is to totally ignore basically but it would honestly last what feels like hours. i too also think my neighbours must think theres pure carnage going on. Surprised we aint had police knock on the door.

@madeleine85 our one doesnt let me cuddle him he basically tried to crawl up the walls to escape us so i have to stay at a distant. he can be extremely stubborn at times, im wondering if at points he is no longer in the terror but doesn't no how to calm himself out of the meltdown? I honestly cannot tell if the terror is still occurring or he just doesn't no how to stop once his “awake”. I’ve guiltily had times where i cant handle them and lost my patience and shout back but of course that didn't resolve anything and ended us both crying and cuddling afterwards together back to sleep.
it is so awful as in the morning, he will come into room absolutely happy as anything as if nothing happened, i cant tell if he remembers them or just agrees with what we’re saying when we try and ask about them xx

Try a weighted blanket. Also don't engage at all just sit quietly in a corner or something. If you can get him to have a wee that sometimes helped my DD.

I am an adult with night terrors, have had them for as long as I remember. You have to realize your son is not awake and does not recognize you when he's having one, even if he's walking and his eyes are open. When I'm in the middle of one, I cannot be reasoned with. I usually scream and try to escape whatever it is I see in the room with me (huge spiders, snakes, strange men). My DH can try to gently hold me if he wakes up before I bolt out of bed, but if he speaks, I struggle against him.
I agree with @Topjoe19 , don't engage unless he is in danger of hurting himself; engaging might prolong the terror.
Most children grow out of night terrors. For me, stress contributes and I have not been able to eliminate them - sometimes I will have three in a month, then none in a year.

@Topjoe19 @Slavica thank you both so much for taking the time to reply. its made me feel alot more reassured and understand what he is going through during them. I think the guilt of not knowing how to help has got the better of me. Knowledge is power as they say so hopefully I can combat them better next time xx

It's awful to witness them & hard to know how best to handle it. A weighted blanket has really helped my DD and now she's older (5yo) we rarely get them unless she's poorly & has a temp.