Looking for advice. Our relationship with our 21 year old daughter is becoming increasingly strained and this has been going on for more than two years. She still lives at home but when she can she goes to her boyfriend’s and is often frosty with us. She keeps pushing us away, while complaining that she is being pushed out of the family and I am getting increasingly tired of the accusations that we are not there for her. She says, “I just want my dad to be my dad and be there for me” while ignoring him and regularly cancelling arrangements to go for lunch etc.
I know some young folk go through this but can anyone give me advice on how to deal with this? She seems so unhappy and has caused trouble in the family, trying to turn us against her 18 year old brother. At the moment she is on okay terms with me but not her dad. Part of me wants to say enough is enough, but I don’t want to drive her away permanently. I am estranged from my own parents due to the toxicity of my mother and I just keep seeing similarities between how my daughter is treating us and how my mother treated my gran. The worrying thing is that my mother never changed and I get so upset about the prospect of my daughter’s behaviour continuing for the rest of my life.
I feel she is deeply unhappy. She made her brother out to be a lot more unruly than he was, partly from jealousy, to the point we nearly asked him to leave. I honestly don’t know how to handle her. I love her deeply but at the moment don’t even like her.
Has anyone been through similar. Any advice?