Making excuses for DH not attending parties..

[Calmondeck]

2 years into parenthood my DH & I are a bit baffled by the expectation that both parents attend birthday parties of babies/toddlers. Is this something that shifts once children are older?

I’m constantly making excuses for DH’s non-attendance but… we’re just dividing and conquering (I’d rather attend the party than do groceries/cooking/laundry etc). But I am almost always the only attendee without their partner…

I think it's more about the parents socialising when the kids are very little. A chance to mix with other mums and dads. Depends how much he values socialising I guess.

Guess when are nursery those, especially those where it’s their first, then both parents might choose to go. As they get older then no it’s about the child and one parent takes them

It must change form area to area, where we are it's 99% Mams at parties. Why would you both need to sit through them when one of you could be seeing a friend / running errands or whatever.

Generally I've found there's a bit of a mix. Sometimes we all go together, sometimes one of us goes, and it's often the same with others. With very young kids parties are often more about the parents being friendly with each other than the kids particularly.

Very non-Mumsnetty but I like seeing DD having fun at parties and DH does too (and when it's soft play he inevitably ends up in the ball pit chucking children around!). I've never experienced the dread of them or the feeling that they're something to be endured. It's two hours where I don't have to entertain her and I usually get a hot drink and some adult convo.

Around here it's a mix of both parents attending, sometimes one parent, sometimes the nanny instead of a parent. I enjoy attending with DH, it feels like a community social event and a rare chance for parents to get together (lots of parents don't do drop offs or pickups due to working hours). We both like to be there to see our dc have fun, watch the dcs interact and get to know the kids and parents.

But plenty of parents have other kids who need to be taken to classes or have to work at weekends, its not an excuse, just a fact. Probably by age 5 or 6 the parties will be drop offs so it's only something to worry about for a short time.

Huh? Round here it’s definitely not expected that both parents attend parties. My DS is 5 so got tons of reception parties. We are the same - I always go and my DH (who is quite unsociable and would hate it!) stays at home with the baby. It’s 90% mums who go, sometimes dads but never both. In fact, there is one child in my DS class where the whole family turns up to each party, younger sibling included, and I find that strange and a bit cheeky if the invite didn’t mention siblings.

I have two children. 4 years apart. One is in a group where the dads don’t attend, the other is in a group where both parents seem to attend.

I think there’s also some correlation between first and second borne, I couldn’t take DH and a ten year old to a party for 6 year olds every weekend!

Both dh and I have been to a lot of kids parties but never together. However we only started going to parties when the kids were at school so maybe there's more expectation when children are pre school - as in do you both know the families well? Whereas in school you just invite the whole class and wouldn't really know the parents.