happy and balanced

[wednesdaydale]

What are your tips for raising happy and balanced children? How do you keep the balance between having a routine and being easy-going, between encouraging them without being pushy, between keeping them busy without overwhelming them? Are there any books you'd recommend?

I have a very well-balanced teenager. She's only 13, so long may it continue 🤞🏻but for her horses riding played a huge part in building her character. She's been riding since she was 6 and it definitely made her into a very resilient confident teen. Plus it's great for mental health to be outside in all weathers around horses and her social life revolves around the yard. It's made her very independent and "capable" because she has a lot of responsibilities around the yard and is left to her own devices to get on with things with her mates.

Horse riding is also great for physical health as it made her very fit and sporty. When she comes home she's too exhausted to "naval gaze" I guess so she doesn't have time to overthink things like many teens do.

navel gaze*

I would also say my 13yo is happy and well-balanced. I think a number of things have helped so far:
He sails- the time outdoors on water, the exercise, the independence and resilience its given him have all really helped.
He's been to a school that is academically supportive but not pressured. No SATs, no exams at all that are high-stakes for the school rather than him. Lots of sport, drama and downtime in the curriculum to balance out work.
We live in a safe place where he can have a lot of freedom, so he's been able to 'play out' and later go into town etc independently from quite a young age.
He does quite a lot for himself (sorts himself out in the mornings, gets his own meals sometimes, goes to the shop for small things he wants, organises his own social life) but we are always available if he actually needs help.

He is supported, but neither pressured nor mollycoddled. I think that is the 'balance'. Hopefully we can work out how to continue.

He's been to a school that is academically supportive but not pressured. No SATs, no exams at all that are high-stakes for the school rather than him. Lots of sport, drama and downtime in the curriculum to balance out work.
We live in a safe place where he can have a lot of freedom, so he's been able to 'play out' and later go into town etc independently from quite a young age.
*He does quite a lot for himself (sorts himself out in the mornings, gets his own meals sometimes, goes to the shop for small things he wants, organises his own social life) but we are always available if he actually needs help.

He is supported, but neither pressured nor mollycoddled. I think that is the 'balance'. Hopefully we can work out how to continue.*

The highlighted bits of @2reefsin30knots are exactly the same for us. Maybe that's "the secret" 😄🤷‍♀️ As for playing out alone, we live in a crappy area in London, but my daughter spends her life at the livery yard where her and her mates hang out after school and all weekends, so they are also "playing out on their own in a safe space" so to speak.

I messed up the highlighting. Was meant to highlight all the bits in italics as well 🙈

Lots of outdoor time. Being in nature and having fun outdoors is so beneficial for kids.

Sports and activities. Getting kids active is really crucial for their wellbeing and helps when they're teenagers.

Minimum screen time.

Healthy food mainly. Occasional treats.

Supporting their education. Teachers can't always give your dc the attention they need. Parents can do it.

Give dc chores. They're part of a family and a team and need to muck in. It's good for their self esteem and gives them a 'can do' attitude.

Be interested in whatever they are. Even if it's dull. It gives them good self esteem and know that they can come and talk to you about anything they want.

Really interested in this thread! We are kind of following the "Good Inside" book which is fantastic to make sure they are ok on boundaries etc, but I can tell there's a lot more than that to be an effective adult.

@wednesdaydale how old are your child(ren) assuming you have any?

Thanks so much everyone for your responses, this stuff is great.

Hi @johnd2, no children yet but about to adopt. Obviously with adoption there are other factors to consider, but all of this advice is still really useful.

Will be adopting a toddler, so not all of the above is actionable straight way - any specific tips on young children would be great! But it's never too early to think about all of these things because habits (good and bad) are harder to change later on.

I think the consensus so far on this thread (and it certainly reflects my experience) that fresh air and a lot of time spent outdoors is good for kids' (and parents') mental and physical well-being. When my daughter was a toddler I found it very hard to entertain her at home, so we always went out somewhere. Being outside made me feel better (as long as there was somewhere to get coffee 😃) and tired her out.

Following.

My son was happy until 16, when GCSEs disappointment, and covid hit just as he started college. He became anxious, angry, and lost confidence. He is changed as a person.
My daughter took to covid restrictions like a duck to water and is very academic. She seems balanced to me, but is an introvert and I bet some others would say she needs to 'get out more'. But she's happy so not an issue.
So basically you do your best, but largely it's out of your control.

Oh very good luck with the adoption, it can be extremely stressful with all the paperwork and processes to get there! You should get a lot of help and training before hand to reduce the chance of the adoption failing, so use that as best you can!
I believe there is an adoption d section on here if you want support.
Take care.

Hi XelaM, yes that does seem to be the consensus and is good advice to remember.

mondaytosunday, I agree, it's largely out of our control, we can only do our best. And I'm sure the upbringing your son received will have helped him even if things are difficult for him for a time.

Thanks johnd2, much appreciated. And I'll check out the adoption section, thanks!