Is it just me, but really need help

[Emsb18]

I've got two little boys ages 4 and 2. I came off Instagram years ago, as I couldn't really distinguish between Instagram vs reality! It was my little kus first birthday and I was more obsessed with getting that perfect photo for Instagram than being in the moment.

It's helped my anxiety SO much, but I'll be honest I'm still struggling. I basically compare everything I do as a mum with everything other people do. I keep a list of all the things I want to do with them and tick things off, but feel like I'm adding more to it as I tick something off! It started with the National Trust 50 things to do before your 10 list and it's getting longer. I know deep down I'm being ridiculous - my kids have had amazing experiences, and I love having a balance of easy weekends at home playing with the toys and in the garden, and then exciting weekends camping and out on an adventure. But I still can't help these comparisons and if I hear of somebody doing something fun, I start to feel guilty that I haven't done that with my kids. Reading this post back I sound absolutely crazy...I've probably exaggerated somewhere! But basically I'm just looking for a parenting book out there, or some advice, that basically can help me!

Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers amzn.eu/d/0xKZMox

Forget parenting books and comparing with others. Attachment with your kids is key!

My friend was looking at this the other day, she feels like you.

www.drjothepsychologist.com/guiltyparentclub

There's also quite a few good people on Instagram talking about not comparing yourself now, but maybe not a good idea to go back on there!

Thank you. I'll check them out xx

Reading your post thought of Imposter syndrome related to parenting.
Just one of many articles

https://www.thebump.com/a/impostor-syndrome-parents

Try to enjoy your little boys if you can as they grow up so quickly. Time with you is precious just everyday trips to the park, playing in the bath, snuggling up for a story.
You are their world and it isn’t a competition.

Ah, i don't have any helpful resources. Just that I think about what my parents did with me (potter about a bit, watch some TV, one very unInstagramable jolids

LOLLLL, this bloody website.

unInstagramable holiday per year! And what their parents did with them (leave them in the car eating crisps while they popped into the pub) and we are all happy and successful and have happy memories of our childhoods.

Also, I lay on the sofa with my toddler and watched Sleeping Beauty as our main activity this afternoon. Everyone isn't doing more than you. You're doing great.

It sounds more like anxiety than a parenting issue, maybe it's worth speaking to your GP?

You def don't need to compare yourself to others and feeling sad that you haven't done things other people have done is probably not particularly helpful. When I see that other people have done something fun locally, I put it into a list of suggested weekend activities. When we do one of them, if we like it then I copy it into another list called tried and tested (this is then organised into categories like free, low cost, expensive/difficult). This just means that we always have a list of ideas of things to do at weekends which isn't just the same old boring three things we do every weekend. It has low effort ideas and more complicated stuff.

But yeah, spending all your time comparing/feeling like you're lacking is probably not anything to do with what you're actually doing (which is probably already great!) and more to do with your feelings about it.

I’ve been rushing around doing a lot of activities with my 3 year old recently. This week he was mildly ill and needed a couple of days off nursery after vomiting. He loved watching tv and pottering around playing. I realised he has rarely been able to do that recently. I’m not going to stop taking but it did make me feel that he needs more downtime time on his own playing.