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Original poster

Childs father wanting more contact then me

30 replies

xx200xx · 01/07/2023 19:24

Hello.
So me and my child's father are going through a court case. He's only just started seeing my son (1) again after me being in a refuge, contact is building up with a few hours a week. Eventually we are back in court to discuss overnight contact. He's asked for Thursday till Monday leaving me with 2 days with me son. I have been the one to always bring my son up and have done all the appointments etc, childs father did nothing. I live an hour away from sons father and I don't get how he would manage school when son starts etc. I'm so worried he will get granted Thursday till Monday every week and leave me with 2 days with my son.

OP posts:
OhamIreally · 01/07/2023 19:37

I can't imagine any court would make a father who has barely seen his child the resident parent of a one year old baby.

I presume he is taking you to court as a way to continue his abuse of you.

Original poster
xx200xx · 01/07/2023 19:46

OhamIreally · 01/07/2023 19:37

I can't imagine any court would make a father who has barely seen his child the resident parent of a one year old baby.

I presume he is taking you to court as a way to continue his abuse of you.

We lived with him up until start of February then he didn't see his son until June 18th.
He got offered contact back in April but because he wasn't happy with what they offered him he refused but finally accepted just in the court case in June.

Yes , it's been a long few months and his own father is also taking me to court for my contact time with my son, even tho my son's grandfather sees my son in dads contact time as he does handover due to a non molestration being in place.

OP posts:
YoBeaches · 01/07/2023 19:59

It's extremely unlikely given the non molestation order, the fact the child is 1 (?) and they have really no relationship. At best courts will go 50/50 but not usually till the child is much older.

Have you got a solicitor?

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Original poster
xx200xx · 01/07/2023 20:02

YoBeaches · 01/07/2023 19:59

It's extremely unlikely given the non molestation order, the fact the child is 1 (?) and they have really no relationship. At best courts will go 50/50 but not usually till the child is much older.

Have you got a solicitor?

Yes I have a solictor!
I still don't get how 50:50 would work cos eventually when my sons older he will start school and I don't get how childs father will get him there as he don't drive and that also means waking him up very early to get there if he got grandfather to take him

OP posts:
WilkinsonM · 01/07/2023 20:05

Don't panic, he almost definitely won't get what he's asking for. Have you got social services or cafcass writing the report?

Starlightstarbright2 · 01/07/2023 20:05

No he won’t get that . You are primary carer .

do you have a solicitor - due to abuse if your income is low enough you may be entitled to legal aid .

you need to be looking forward . If there is an hours travel even 50/50 doesn’t work . No one year old would be expected to even be 50/50 .

Original poster
xx200xx · 01/07/2023 20:13

So yes we had CAFCASS but I'm not sure if they are involved anymore and no social services. Social services was involved for like a month due to the D/A but seen my son was a happy child and I no longer needed them.
Yes I have legal aid and a solicitor.

OP posts:
YoBeaches · 01/07/2023 22:20

50/50 only works of the parents can make it. He would probably have to move closer to support that.

But that's years away, plus, if there is DV involved then he is most likely doing this to get at you, rather than have a genuine interest in the child, make sure your solicitor has all the history.

AlfietheSchnauzer · 01/07/2023 22:26

So he wants to be just over that line to be come resident parent so that he can get all the child benefit/s and any of what he perceives as the 'perks' of being the resident father! Either that or he's reallllly bad at maths. Exceptionally bad & exceptionally thick! What an arsehole!

AlfietheSchnauzer · 01/07/2023 22:28

He probably just fancies staying at home for a couple of years! Well he's in for a rude shock as he definitely will not get primary custody unless you're a crackhead who doesn't believe in washing and feed your child from a dustbin

strawberry2017 · 01/07/2023 22:36

That won't be granted he's just trying to scare you.

Original poster
xx200xx · 01/07/2023 22:44

It's all to do with money with him. He said the reason he wants 50/50 was so he don't have to pay ME no money. The moment child maintenance got set up he started claiming benefits, but he works self employed for his brother so I think he's working cash in hand.
He will leave my son with his sons grandfather while he goes to work. It's all money with him.

OP posts:
Lostmum2407 · 01/07/2023 22:48

He won’t get more than 50%.

quietnightmare · 01/07/2023 22:56

xx200xx · 01/07/2023 22:44

It's all to do with money with him. He said the reason he wants 50/50 was so he don't have to pay ME no money. The moment child maintenance got set up he started claiming benefits, but he works self employed for his brother so I think he's working cash in hand.
He will leave my son with his sons grandfather while he goes to work. It's all money with him.

If this is the case then the courts will not allow your son to live him him more than with you cause clearly he hasn't got any money to look after his child.... apparently. So let that play in your favour

Do you breastfeed? If you don't it doesn't matter just thinking that if you do then he can't take your some for any longer than a night really as pumping would be very time consuming for you

What's your working schedule? If your not working then your always there for your child and if you are working are you able to be home at a reasonable time therefore there for your child?

Your right about schools etc but the courts may say that will be addressed when the child is older

Original poster
xx200xx · 01/07/2023 23:04

@quietnightmare

I'm not breastfeeding no!

No I'm not working, just focusing on getting myself on my feet and staying with my son until I can get him into nursery. Father has told courts on his statements he wants to go bcak part time if he gets Thursday till Monday. He's a complete liar he's probably still working

OP posts:
Original poster
xx200xx · 01/07/2023 23:06

He's lied all through out the court process. He's claimed he's living in a 1 bedroom flat so that his dad can get more contact. However during a FaceTime call with him and ds he was at the house we lived in together (his dads)

OP posts:
SugarRaye · 01/07/2023 23:13

Have you posted this before? It sounds familiar.

He won't get more custody than you and he'd have to work up to getting 50%. But your solicitor knows all the facts. What do they say?

Original poster
xx200xx · 04/07/2023 20:16

SugarRaye · 01/07/2023 23:13

Have you posted this before? It sounds familiar.

He won't get more custody than you and he'd have to work up to getting 50%. But your solicitor knows all the facts. What do they say?

I have on a different thread and I'm yet to speak to my solicitor as she has not been in work so she's had someone working for her

OP posts:
SugarRaye · 04/07/2023 20:27

That's a nuisance about your solicitor but she should have someone with equal knowledge available to advise you. This obviously causing you concern and distress so you really need to consult with them to get an accurate picture of what is going on and, from their experience, what the likely outcome will be. I'm sure this scenario is not unusual to them.

Bingolocco · 04/07/2023 20:52

OhamIreally · 01/07/2023 19:37

I can't imagine any court would make a father who has barely seen his child the resident parent of a one year old baby.

I presume he is taking you to court as a way to continue his abuse of you.

That's a ridiculous response, father's can want to have contact and are legally entitled. Unless there is serious issues then the parents should get equal time, mothers should not automatic have more time they both have equal rights. I don't have all the details here obviously but to judge a father going to court for contact as a way to abuse a mother is ridiculous

Bingolocco · 04/07/2023 20:55

xx200xx · 01/07/2023 19:46

We lived with him up until start of February then he didn't see his son until June 18th.
He got offered contact back in April but because he wasn't happy with what they offered him he refused but finally accepted just in the court case in June.

Yes , it's been a long few months and his own father is also taking me to court for my contact time with my son, even tho my son's grandfather sees my son in dads contact time as he does handover due to a non molestration being in place.

Show quote history

So you removed your son from the only home he has known and took him over an hour away from his father? Now you're complaining that his father wants to see him? I work in family courts and this does not look good

Whattheactualfucking · 04/07/2023 20:59

Bingolocco · 04/07/2023 20:55

So you removed your son from the only home he has known and took him over an hour away from his father? Now you're complaining that his father wants to see him? I work in family courts and this does not look good

Show quote history

This is why family court is so terrifying. Did you read the bit about the domestic abuse in the op? The refuge?! She removed her child from a dangerous situation, which is what good mothers do- and of course she’s hesitant about contact for that reason. The family courts fail victims of abuse every bloody day. And yes, I am also one.

Original poster
xx200xx · 04/07/2023 21:03

@Bingolocco I removed my son from the only home he has ever known yes, due to domestic abuse and went to move to the refuge over an hour away so my sons father couldn't find me. As he threatened to petrol bomb the house and drive cars through it. He also started saying he would slit anyone's throat I went near. The courts also granted a non molstation order against him due to the abuse.
So i think I did the best decision at the time by moving away as this would of had more of a negative impact on me child??

OP posts:
Original poster
xx200xx · 04/07/2023 21:05

My sons father got offered contact a while ago and straight up refused this in court because it wasn't the hours he wanted. He's never been that bothered about my son and it's all to get at me trying to get more contact.

OP posts:
Original poster
xx200xx · 04/07/2023 21:07

The local children center was advising me for quite a while to move out and go to refuge. There was more concerns over me staying in that home then anything

OP posts: