Abusive ex, child in a bind

[libertybonds]

My ex is emotionally abusive. This is why I left him. Our 6 year old daughter has never been very close to him, probably because he's not a warm and loving person and he's never taken much of an interest in her (other than ensuring he has her enough to reduce maintenance payments).

He has just had a baby with his new partner. Now that the partner won't be working and can look after children full time, he has begun putting pressure on our daughter to say she wants to be with him more. He has also been pressuring me about this. (Current schedule is EOW and a day in the week).

My daughter has begun breaking down in tears at school. She told her teacher that Daddy keeps asking her about this and she is afraid that she won't get to spend time with me anymore. She misses me.

I am terrified of the impact this is having on my daughter. I know what it is like to be badgered by my ex and no child should have to endure this.

Any advice is very welcome.

Ok Op so YOU need to engage with your ex on this.

Presumably he has asked you and you have said no if he’s gone straight to pressuring his daughter?

You need to engage with your ex and tell him until she is in secondary school contact stays as it is.

He may take you to court over it, but as your child has told her teachers hopefully it will help her.

(If your DD decides at 8 she wants to see her half-sibling more regardless of what happens in the meantime then obviously don't be obstructive, but until she does stick up for her.)

My ex is abusive. I already told him no. He is therefore pressuring our daughter.

Not much you can do aside from help your daughter how to deal with it and respond.

So “daddy please stop asking me. I like the time with you and I like the time with mummy. I don’t want things to change”

over and over

as he half sibling grows up I suspect she will be happier around there

Today I picked up my daughter after a long weekend with Daddy and she burst into tears. She cried for 20 minutes or more. She said Daddy shouted at her a lot over the weekend - because she said she missed me and also for 'other things '.

We needed to be at the school at the same time this happened and I had my daughter speak to the headteacher.

This seems like emotional abuse, but I don't know how seriously anyone takes this. It's very distressing.

Please tell me you got sorted with this? My heart broke for your poor little girl, she does not need to be in that kind of environment and emotionally abused like that!

I am wondering what is happening with this situation, op. My heart goes out to your little girl, and to you.

Thank you.

The headteacher didn't do anything about that incident. The school seems to view it as a problem between parents. They have given her extra emotional support this year, I guess to help her to learn to deal with stress better.

Ex continues to be vile, but I think he has laid off our daughter on this point. He continues to push ME for more contact, but my daughter is no longer a direct tool he is trying to deploy. I think that this has helped a lot.

For her part, she is thriving this school year though she tells me she hates Daddy. I don't really understand what happens at his house and she won't share details, just says he isn't nice. I don't think authorities are really interested unless there is immense physical abuse, so I don't feel able to do much other than resist a schedule change.

He will never, ever stop harassing me, but for the moment it's all relatively manageable.

Oh my god, I couldn’t send her if she was hating it that much 😢 (no hate on you) but the thought of her being upset and him saying god knows what to her!