Are all toddlers little psychos!?

[squirrelnutkins1]

My almost 3 year old is really trying my patience.

Every. Single. Thing seems a battle but then the next minute she's absolutely delightful and wants to help me empty the dishwasher / moisturise my legs / put my socks on etc etc. Moments before she's hitting me, pushing me, telling me she doesn't want me.

I'm 38 weeks preg so I'm guessing that has a part to play in this but can anyone share any insight or similar stories to make me feel better!?

I don’t want to be “that” person but I don’t think describing a toddler as a psycho is very nice….
….. anyway, I think it really helps to think about what’s reasonable to expect from them at that age. If you can redirect where possible (Ie when you see them start to think of mischief, give them a job to do) that can be good too.

i think of toddlers like collies. Plenty of exercise and give them something to do keeps them busy

Sounds like a typical toddler, they don’t call it a threenager for nothing. It’s the age they start wanting to be more independent but are also frustrated when they can do everything their little brains want to do. it’s a tough time for them so try to be patient

Mine used to headbutt the floor/walls
i would take that age again over the late teens dramas

@Pyri
Yep it's not very nice but it's how I'm feeling and it's nice to be able to anonymously get my frustrations out in a safe space.

It's absolutely exhausting when they're on the go all the time.

@MollysBrolly oh wow really!? Someone did say the same to me the other day, this part is easy compared to teens. I guess the challenges just change as they get older, they don't go away!

Mine is 2, I know exactly what you mean.

It's all a battle, all the time and sometimes I can't be bothered to make everything "fun"

Much harder I imagine when you're pregnant, so my sympathies.

Yes. People should talk more about the difficulties of being three.

They're psychos to the extent that you can't expect them to empathize with you. They'll hit you on the head and not care it hurts. They do care about the consequence/punishment that results though.

You need to take a step back and consider any behaviour as communication and accept your child is just a different creature to an adult. Tantrums are telling you they're overwhelmed, upset, tired etc. Hitting can be anger or just curiosity.

I found books how to talk so kids will listen and the whole brained child good. Basically you need to build up epic patience!

Yes. HTH.

Having a 2/3 year old is like being the Gremlins 🤣

As a mum of a 3 year old I completely sympathise. We had our second about 9 months ago, and thelater pregnancy days with a toddler are really trying. You're almost there though. I read an insta recently that was saying how we are always telling toddlers "no" and what they can't and shouldn't do, but we rarely tell toddlers what they can do, and that resonated with me a lot (as a mum who is always saying, no, put that down, please don't pick things up off the street, please stop etc etc etc. I always feel like i'm battling mine. i've heard that if they are tantrum type toddlers sometimes it helps to tell them that they can go to their room and bash a pillow around and have a space to let out their frustration, as talking it out at that age is hard, we haven't done that yet. Ours has gotten a lot better recently, but pregnancy and a new sibling is a big adjustment for them, which brings a lot of feelings. Be kind to yourself, and your little psycho :).

Oh and I found the "colour monster" book very helpful, it is all about distinguishing feelings and trying to unmix our emotions by identifying them. There is a really great pop up version I love. Our little one loves pretending to be the anger monster when we read it, and it has truly averted a few meltdowns. I'll take any little success at this point!

Thanks for the solidarity and suggestions 😊

The phrase ‘I do not negotiate with terrorists’ always goes through my mind when I’m working with a 3 year old having a meltdown (nanny and my idk child is only 1) If they’re hitting out and screaming I make sure they’re in a safe spot and let them thrash it out. If we are in a cafe or shop I have a way of picking them up like a log so they can’t kick or hit me and I carry them out but I don’t speak to them.

Then I will cuddle/validate/talk calmly when it passes. In the moment, do not negotiate with terrorists 😂

Basically yes. Their brains are fully developed and they don't consider the feelings of others as an older child would.

I imagine yours is expressing some frustration. Probably partly due to the impact your pregnancy has on them - I'm guessing by 38 weeks your bump gets in the way of things? Probably can't pick them up as much? Are you tired and not able to do some of the things you would usually do?

Seconding what others have said - help them move towards expressing their feelings better. Read about feelings, model how to express them: "I'm feeling cross that I can't do X! That makes me want to shout. I'm going to jump up and down/throw these little bean bags at the wall/stamp my feet really loudly (pick whatever you are happy with!)". Mirror what they are feeling and help them name it "DC is feeling grumpy! Grumpy that the weather is too hot to run around. Let's have a quick cuddle and then find some water to play with". Sometimes they just need some acknowledgement of how they feel and some tips for how to express it. Also helps you to avoid constantly saying no....

Make sure eldest is getting lots of daddy time. That will make the transition to having baby around easier.

LOTS of exercise. Get them outside as early in the day as you can. Do games that involve them running around - then they'll be more willing to sit when you come back in. Hide some toys in the garden and time how long it takes DC to find them (make it easy!!!) But they have to run back to you with each one before they go back for another one. Kick a ball for them so they have to chase it. Anything to get them running off some energy early in the day. Got any friends with similar age children? Playground trip with a couple of toddlers is a winner as you get to sit and chat while they badly run around. Soft play also good for this. I have a rule of one good running session and one 45 minute walk being the minimum allowed per day. Mine dont sleep in summer without it.