Dinner time chaos

[pumpkinwaffle]

We have two DS's, one is five, the other is three.

Dinner time has become chaos most nights.

They come home from school/pre school around 3:15 and are absolutely wired.

We eat at 4/4:30 and it's so chaotic. DH and I can't enjoy our meal with them.

It's the continuous messing about, getting up and down, putting their feet in each others faces, kicking each other. Randomly shouting poo or bum, or just stuff like repeating a word like bananas over and over again.

Is this normal?! Dinner time is so stressful now. We tell them to stop obviously but they just carry on. Even when we threatened no pudding they take absolutely no notice.

We've separated their seats etc. but when they chat get to each other they shout over the table or throw stuff.

Any advice VERY welcome!!

That's quite early to eat I think. We usually have some time after they finish nursery around 4ish where DH and the kids usually chase each other round garden or do some physical play inside, as it allows the 'just got home' energy to be expended a bit. I think if we ate that early we might have a similar experience as I think kids need a bit of time to decompress when they get home. Is it a timing thing that means you need to eat so early?

And we usually eat between half 5 and 6, so they get a good hour or so of playing before they have to sit down for dinner.

This wild energy is a new thing for us.

On the whole they usually play nicely together, but I've noticed since going back after half term they are now quite rough with each other after school and it gets a bit OTT.

We eat at 4/4:30 because the youngest goes to bed at 6:30 and they're starving when they get home from school.

Perhaps I could take them to the park for half an hour after school and have dinner 4:30/5 🤔

He is three and goes to bed at half 6? I think they need to burn more energy before dinner

Or good snack (peanut butter sandwich) at the school gates then dinner at 5.30?

Dinner times here aren’t super well mannered here either - they are both tired and ratty. Could tweak or live with it till summer holidays - they will hopefully will grow up a bit and rest over the break and return a bit more refreshed at the start of a new school year?

We divide and conquer usually, so one person oversee the playing mayhem/takes them into garden while the other is cooking. It does seem to help as I notice when we can't have that time, if we are back late or something, dinner times are far more fraught!

He gets up at 5:30 every morning...Regardless of what time he goes to bed!

I think they definitely need downtime and would stop trying to jump straight into dinner. Give them a snack at pickup, doesn’t have to be shit a banana is fine and do dinner at 5/5.30. You can do bath straight after dinner if you want to get the youngest to bed promptly.

That seems really early for everything.

In comparison I have a just turned 3 year old.
He spends 3-6pm outside wherever possible. Garden, wood walks, on bike or scooter, park. Anything to wear him out. He has a snack during this time

We eat together sometime between 6-7pm - depending when back, if hot etc. Its 7.08pm here now and we have just finished eating.

7-8pm we will go back outside in garden watering plants, sandpit, or he plays indoors.
8.30pm bedtime. He will be up by 6.30am
latest.

Take a snack with you when you pick them up from school and head straight to the park! Or mix it up sometimes with swimming/football /scooters? Anything to wear them out a bit.
You are all eating very early, no way could I eat a meal at that time! I would do dinner for 5:30 - 6pm. Still plenty of time for bath then bed around 7?

I might start taking them to the park for while after school, see if that makes a difference.

In terms of timing, they are getting the time to have a run around and burn energy. We get home at 3:15 and often eat around 4:30.

They had a small snack at pick up and then they have the garden and playroom to let off steam. It doesn't seem enough though and they end up fighting in the garden while I'm trying to cook dinner

I would give them a snack when home at 3.30pm. Do something to wear them out, and move dinner back to 6pm. Move bedtime to 7.30pm

And I’d also strongly consider adults eating later. It’s easier to discipline bad behaviour e.g. remove them if they’re throwing stuff until they’re ready to come back and sit nicely if you’re not also trying to eat your own dinner before it goes cold.

I might start by moving dinner back slightly.

The thing is they're so used to eating at that time that they're starving by 4:30 even after they have a snack!

And DH and I have always eaten early, even before DC.

Anything is worth a try i suppose!

Curious though, if you eat at half4 arent you angry like around 8-9pm or do you also go to bed early?

Hungry not angry

@Haveallthesongsbeenwritten I am sometimes angry 😂 but not hungry 😂

I eat with DH and DC at 4/4;30, I have a cup of tea at around 8pm most nights and then I have nothing again until I've finished drop off. So around 09:30.

I go to bed at around 11pm most evenings. DH Is the same

I'd also do adults eat later in these circumstances, or possibly even the kids eating separately. The chaos is normal imo after a full on day at that age but I personally couldn't be dealing with it. Plenty of time for family dinners later when bedtime is later for all, and/or in holidays/weekends.

My 4 YO pre schooler and 8 YO eat at 4 ish, they are famished. Otherwise they'll start trying to raid the cupboards and want snacks

4YO to bed at 630, 8 YO to bed at 7 lights out 730. Both up by 6-630 in the morning no matter what time they go to sleep.

I'm always fascinated by the hours that people work, what do you both do to be finished work and ready to eat dinner at 4pm?!

I've got a 5&2 yo, they eat at 6pm, in bed by 7.30pm and get up anytime between 6-7am. I do snack when back from the school run then it's either loads of playing till tea time, DD goes to a class one night a week and I work part time till 5pmso I don't pick them up from childcare until later a couple of nights a week. I think you need to wear them out more!

We just ate later.

This is very similar to the timings we keep.

If we try to feed them later they cry and graze and then don't eat a proper meal.

And if we put them to bed later they are so overtired by the end of the week it's absolutely unbearable and their behaviour is a million times worse that it is currently!

It can be so tricky sometimes!