My heart feels sad for a little boy I don't even know

[candleheart]

I've just got back from taking my DS to his first toddler group at the local library, which he absolutely loved!! I really wish I had taken him sooner but my mental health has suffered from other experiences as well as being a new mum, but anyway this post isn't about that.

I was sat in the circle and my little boy was off playing, singing, dancing and looking at the books. I noticed a man come in with which I'm presuming are his children, a girl and a boy. He was carrying the girl and she was clinging to him, hiding her face as he said she was feeling shy, I didn't actually notice the boy at first.

I'm not really one to judge others parenting since becoming a mum myself and having to deal with everything that I've been through but this really got to me today...
The girl had what looked like a bloody, sore nose and scratches on her face, her hair looked like it needed a wash and had some sort of home style haircut.
And then I noticed the little boy was laid on the floor in the corner of the room. Just laid there, eyes open but looked like he was just staring into space, emotionless and so quiet. All while there's loads of music and dancing and playing going on. I never noticed his dad interact with him and the interaction with the girl just seemed awkward. A couple of the ladies who run the group where close by to him and trying to interact with the boy and also an older lady with grandchildren, who I presume has been going to this group for a long time was trying to show the boy books etc.

I just feel so sad and heartbroken for this little boy that I havent even met before and still don't know him.

Did you have a word with any of the library staff? Does sound a bit odd.

You have literally no idea what the backstory is - if there even is one. You appear to be implying there is some sort of neglect going on but it isn't clear.

My daughter is covered in bruises / scratches because she constantly runs and falls over. She's knocked a tooth out and cut her head open twice. Some kids are just like that.

I'd take heart that Dad's showing up at the library.
Leaving the house takes effort in itself with two little ones.
There are people there to encourage and help and show the books to the boy etc.

Who knows the backstory?

I know how you feel - I saw a little girl at my kids sports day who I can't stop thinking about but I'm sure she has support through school. They still pull at your instinct to nurture them though.

You could be describing my grandchildren. DGD hacked off most of her hair at Xmas and although it's growing back and was tidied by the hairdresser it does look odd. She's a happy energetic little girl and she falls over, as all kids do.

DGS is profoundly autistic and is in his own little world. He isn't interested in anything around him or anybody.

At least this dad you are judging has made the effort to take them out. Please bear in mind that you are seeing a snapshot of somebody's life and don't assume neglect when you don't know all the facts.

Hmm. Does sound a bit strange but when my eldest had chicken pox she had most of them on her face, mouth and nose. After they scabbed over she had an awful scabby, bloody looking nose for a good two weeks (kept picking at it, of course). It would have looked horrendous, but we didn't stay in the house because of it.

The children were taken to the library. The man was carrying the girl who was clinging to him. Sounds like these are loved children. I wouldn’t worry too much about one snapshot 🙂

Presume you would clean up the blood and ensure she is bathed regularly. The OP appears to have witnessed something quite different.

The fact that the children were at a library toddler group means they are being taken out and socialising. That's a good thing.

Toddlers often have scratches.
The boy may have been tired, not wanting to join in, additional needs or simply prefers to lie still and listen to what's going on around him.

There really isn't enough information or background to jump to any conclusions.

It's worth noting that it was a bit unusual and perhaps if you see then again elsewhere you might just watch discreetly to see how they are doing.

It didn't sound like a judgement more a feeling of sadness of what the OP saw. She's extrapolated on that basis rightly or wrongly but that's what most people do.

This.

Sometimes children and adults have harder times. It’s not always anyone’s fault.

My toddler likes to sometimes lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling for a bit and then he gets up and is all fine again. Just likes to have a little chill out. I wouldn't worry

I agree, hats of to the dad for getting his 2 children out the house to the library group at such an early time of day.. I literally had gone there for the first time myself and actually only went because DS had been up since 6.30 so I wanted to get out of the house... he usually doesn't get up until 8-8.30 so we wouldn't make it on time otherwise.
I totally understand that kids are kids and will get bruises and scratches etc from playing and falling etc, as my DS does himself.
I know I don't know the background and this is why I don't like to judge as I understand from my personal circumstances that anything could be going on in their lives, but it was just the emotionless, expressionless look of the boy while he was laid there that has made me seem upset and like I just wanted to give him the biggest cuddle!

Without knowing, the boy could have some sort of additional needs, such as ASD. It's really impossible to say. If you felt like they were being mistreated in some way then you could maybe follow it up with social work or something, but sadly not every child is able to be a happy, clappy singing kid who takes part in stuff.

The boy was laid on his front with his head to the side, not on his back looking at the ceiling.

I didn't say he was laying on his back looking at the ceiling. I said mine does that 🤦🏽‍♀️

I know lol, I was just clarifying what the boy was doing as was different to what your little one does.

I know a few autistic kids that love to do this so they can watch feet and movement

My eldest would lie like that at groups, and on pavements, roads, stones, mud, any surface. He's autistic. He still likes to feel the earth under him now but does it less often when out. More so when he's overwhelmed, so will do it in places like supermarkets.

Just as another possibility, my DS was like this as a baby. Just lay there looking up. If you picked him up for a cuddle he would scream and fight you until you put him down again. He hated cuddles. He's grown into the cuddliest preschooler ever who never wants to be away from his mama but we did used to get some right shitty comments when he was a baby from people who would tell me I needed to cuddle him more. Seemed wrong to force cuddles on him when he didn't want them.

Being completely honest with yourself, would you have come to the same conclusion if it was a mum?

To what conclusion are you saying I've come to?

I'm not trying to be sarky or anything OP but what relevance is it that the little girl had a "home style" haircut?! The vast majority of people I know cut their toddler's hair themselves. I only know one who gets taken to the barber's, and tbh I don't like the way perfect preened haircuts look on small children! I cut my own hair at any rate, so I guess we're a "home style" family 🤣

This is a new one for me to worry about then lol, my toddler has a "home style" haircut (even if I wanted to get it done properly, there's a 0% chance he would let a stranger touch his hair and head) and he's a sensitive little boy who does behave differently to other toddlers. No idea if he will be diagnosed with anything because the HV and GP are being difficult and he's quite young yet anyway. It's horrible to think people will be judging us.

I'm not trying to say you're wrong OP because who knows what's the story with the family you saw, and I do think it's right that we should all look out for children (or anyone else for that matter) in our communities. But yeah, it's just hard to know that people will be thinking the worst of me when I devote every moment of every day to giving my children the best life I can!