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9 month old, when will this get easier?

7 replies

bunnymum96 · 28/06/2023 22:09

Here I am, back again, baby now 9 months and still very unhappy.

Recap: dd cried excessively from birth. Diagnosed with ‘colic’ ‘reflux’, tongue tie (fixed), stiffness (seen an osteopath), probiotics, and then eventually CMPA after a private referral. Prescription formula helped a little. It’s been a very very difficult and long 9 months.

I thought this would get easier, we would get a routine, she would cry less in the day. However she is still seriously unhappy and difficult. We started weaning at 6 months and she has hated it, only finished a meal once in all that time of 3 months and just screams in her high chair. Clamps mouth shut, turns away, spits out anything we manage to get in. We’ve tried everything, spoons, no spoons, floor mat, high chair, baby led, purées. She refuses to eat anything. (This is not an exaggeration. She does not eat solids). We make so many things and she just launches them on the floor. Her formula has reduced from 40oz to 20-30oz daily.

Her wake windows are also still really short, often just 45 minutes after waking in a morning. She gets so grumpy, screaming, tears, and falls asleep as soon as put in the cot. She sleeps 6:30-7:30 every night no issues. Any longer than 2 hours awake in the day and my life is hell as she just becomes inconsolable. Other babies her age are managing 4+ hours nice awake time.

She seems so slow on development too. Not rolled yet or made any attempts, screams if put on tummy. No indication she might want to crawl. Recently learnt to sit unaided. She cannot hold her feet flat on the floor and does not try to support her weight. She just raises her feet and legs and cries if they touch the floor. She is good with babbling, laughing, making eye contact, fine motor skills are brilliant.

My days are miserable, just constant feelings that I’m doing something wrong, everything is wrong, she’s broken. Why does everyone else’s baby do it and mine can’t? I can understand one or two things a bit ‘different’ but all of these things? She seems so unhappy too, lots of tears, lots of crying. She’s actually only really ‘happy’ when out of the house and watching the world.

She suffers almost constantly from constipation and has stool softeners.

We spoken to health visitors and doctors and they all said she seems fine and is putting on weight. They put a referral into paediatrics in February and wait time will mean an appointment in august. Apparently nothing more they can do and only paed can do blood tests.

So, can anyone reassure me? Suggest what might be wrong? Tell me what I can do? Will this end? An awful pregnancy with HG from week 6, and then this every day for 9 months. Not much left in the tank.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 28/06/2023 22:17

If she's not beating weight I'd go back to the GP and get them to check her hips.

It might also be worth finding out who you've been referred to and letting them know that you are available at short notice.

Had the HV referred her to SLT if DD isn't swallowing anything solid?

bunnymum96 · 28/06/2023 22:26

Hi,
Thanks for the reply, it’s nice to know I’m not shouting into a void.
I think I will contact gp tomorrow, although HV said it’s fine.
HV said they wouldn’t be concerned or refer to SLT until DD a year old

OP posts:
Whereland · 28/06/2023 22:31

This sounds so difficult. Im sorry you've had such a tough time.
Im trying to think of some advice or something helpful to say. August isn't too far away for the paediatrician and I would clearly outline all your concerns as you have here. Some of these might well resolve as she gets older but she may also need some input from slt/ot/physio so ask the paediatrician if they could make the referrals.
Hang in there. I hope you're able to get some time to yourself

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bunnymum96 · 28/06/2023 22:34

Thank you, that’s so very kind.
It’s breaking my heart now to see all our baby friends smashing milestones, eating full meals, toddling, out at baby groups. I feel like we will never get to that point.

OP posts:
Whereland · 28/06/2023 22:36

I understand it's so hard not to compare. Fast forward another 12 months and they'll probably all have levelled out and no one tends to remember who did what first.
You mention she's happiest when outside, can you get out much?

bunnymum96 · 28/06/2023 22:38

We go out LOADS on walks and to museums etc. That’s been one bonus, I can hardly tell I’ve got her when I’m out of the house. Obviously the other issues with eating/wakefulness/standing are still there

OP posts:
Bluebelles23 · 29/06/2023 00:15

I'm so sorry you are both having a rough time at the moment, I had quite a difficult time with my first baby and worried constantly that there was something wrong with him, always comparing him to my friends babies of similar ages and feeling miserable. I luckily got some counseling and CBT which helped me a lot deal with my situation. Getting regular breaks away from baby is also important, do you time to go out on your own or meet friends without baby?

I really can't advise too much on the medical, definitely sounds like she needs some more intervention from HV/medical support but at 9 months it's hard to know what she'll be like. Babies do grow and change so quickly. My little one became much easier to manage when I felt better in myself and stopped comparing him and just focused on the positives.

With the eating just keep trying little bits often, it takes so many tries of tasting something before baby will like it. Could you add formula milk to baby rice/porridge etc and build that up? A referral for feeding therapy may help?

Missing milestones should be discussed again with the HV, could you ask to speak to the team manager explain the situation and that you don't feel you're getting enough support for you or baby. HV/GP could refer you for some mental health support which I'm surprised hasn't happened yet.

Having structure to your day may help, could you extend her wake window by going for a walk in the pram, you could put headphones in and listen to a podcast. Have you other mum friends you can confide in, every mother and baby has struggled at some point and you're not alone.

Hope you get some support and help for you both x

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