Don’t know what to do about potty training, help!

[LuckyMoonstone]

DS is 2 and a half. For the last few months he had been doing the odd wee in a potty (bought to get him used to the idea first) but it’s more of a novelty for him, he sees it in the bathroom before his bath and decides he wants to wee in it, rather than actually needing a wee in the first place. He always follows me to the toilet and I have been talking to him about how everybody poos and wees and how he can use the big boy potty/toilet soon. I really think he is ready to try however I have some reservations.

He is super chatty and talkative at home with us, or with his grandparents, but he is absolutely silent at nursery where he goes 2 days a week. He just does not want to talk to them, although he does have a lovely time there and is loved by all the staff, so I think he’s just shy. So how will he be able to let someone know that he needs to go?

His bowel movements have gone mad recently. 3 or 4 times a day, and really loose as well. Surely that’s not good for potty training? I have thought about taking him to the docs but there’s literally nothing else wrong with him, he doesn’t seem unwell, he has a good diet with no sudden changes that i can think of. But I can’t imagine how I can get him to poo on the potty that many times a day, especially when they are ‘not very nice’ if you get what I mean!

He tells me when he has done a poo, or is doing a poo, but not before. So would I have to keep asking him?

We are due to make a car journey in December that will be about 6 hours plus, do I really want to be constantly stopping to attend to his toilet needs? He will have just turned 3 so won’t really understand that he has to wait, or might not let me know until the last minute. But if I don’t train him before then he’ll be 3 by the time we get round to it in the new year.

I don’t want to start if he’s not ready and upset him, but I feel bad thinking that I might be hindering his development by leaving it later and later. Potty training is the thing I’ve always most dreaded about having kids, I really don’t know what to do!

If he is constantly soiling with loose poo, there is a possibility that he is constipated. This happened with my own DC.

Give it a go, try and have a 3-4 day block at home and just do it, no half attempts, if by day 4 it’s going terribly you can try again later.
we did the naked from the waist down approach, a tonne of his favourite squash with fun straws/ice/cups etc to make him want to drink a lot. Potty every half hour for the first day or two, no pressure if nothing done, huge praise if success. Then after a couple of days he learnt to tell us most the time.
nursery didn’t even bat an eyelid when he had about 3 accidents on his first day back, they’re pros.
poos took longer i won’t lie, loads of chocolate bribery but it was actually a 2 day period where he was pooing loads for some reason that he cracked it, so it could help!
this was over Easter age 2 and a bit and probably since about a month ago I’ve been fully confident taking him out.
keep a travel potty with a seal lid in your car boot

The loose poo might be one for the GP but the rest often isn’t as big a deal in reality as it feels in advance. We did a three day type method, started when we had a run of 3-4 days at home before the next nursery day, told nursery, and it was fine. Not talking doesn’t mean not communicating. And December is ages off - plus you’re bound to stop once or twice on a six hour drive for coffee petrol and the loo.

I am going to speak to his nursery key worker tomorrow to see what she thinks as well. We do have blocks of 4 days without nursery/work Friday-Monday so that is handy. The other thing is, I’m due with DC2 in September so I worry that if I don’t do it by then, it’ll be really stressful trying to navigate potty training with a newborn to look after as well

Regarding his bowel habits I have read about constipation causing diarrhoea but I really don’t think that’s the case. Often it is of a ‘normal’ consistency, it’s just that he’s going so many times a day and there’s so much of it each time! There’s no way there can be any more in there that’s not coming out 😅 But I do think it’s time to get him in at the docs as it’s been a few weeks now.

You might want to get the loose poo looked at, but we did potty training quite quick with both mine using the oh crap method. Summer is a good time to start, because you start the first few days at home naked from the waist down. You encourage them to drink water and then pop them on the potty every 30 mins or so.

At nursery they do the same, regularly take them to the potty, so the fact your son is very quiet there wouldn't matter - they'd initiate it (for a while at least).

With my son, I needed to prompt him to use the potty frequently for a while until he started to tell me he needed to go (but he didn't really have any accidents, we caught them because he was going regularly).

With my daughter, she had more accidents to start with, but then after 2 weeks just started to initiate going by herself. She doesn't even tell me she needs to go when we're at home now. She just goes by herself. She has no issues with pulling pants up and down and wiping (for wees!). We take a portable potty with us the we go out because I think it takes a while to get to stage where they need to go but can hold it long enough to leg it to a nearby toilet!

Get the book oh crap.
It's brilliant and follow it to the letter

The basic gist is
Clear your diary for a week.
Keep your child naked at home with a potty.
Watch for their cues and put the on the potty just before they wee, poo.
They learn "where to put their poo and wee"
Once they are 60/70% reliable in putting themselves on the potty
Walk around the block with them in shorts (no undies on) but thru must go on the potty 1st (I think) then you make the trips longer etc.

It's pushing their pants down as well not pulling them down the terminology helps makes sense to the child, so start teaching them to push their pants down now, so they can go the loo or potty themselves. Don't use pull up, they are nappies and a step backwards. (The are Just quick bullet points), the book it brilliant all my friends kids used it as well.

@Aria2015 thank you that is reassuring :) I have bought a portable potty as well ready! As soon as he saw it at home he wanted to wee in it, so he is quite excited by the idea of it, which makes me feel bad for holding back on teaching him properly

Thanks guys this is making me feel more confident about going for it

You’re going to have to stop frequently with a 3 month old in the car anyway. 2.5 is very very young for a child to be fully trained these days.

DD hit all her milestones easily but wasn’t ready until she was 3 and 4 months. She cracked it in 3 days then. (The 300 mile trip I took her on a week later took 7 hours due to her wanting to stop and pee at every single motorway services!)

He’s also likely to regress when your baby is born. I’d be taking the pressure off.

@AmITooOldToDoThis I have read so many threads on mumsnet about potty training where the child is like 2, and I think oh god I’m leaving it really late, people are going to think bad of me if he’s not potty trained yet. And then lots of other stories where the kid is 3 so then I wonder if actually I need to yet, this is why it’s so confusing!

When my dd was potty trained and we went on long journeys we just put a pull on just in case but I talked it through with her.

To be fair, I thought the same at the time. Mine was still going 'normal' consistency but I just mentioned it off the cuff to one of their medical team as the normal were a lot less frequent and rather large (sorry for tmi). Was put on laxatives until completely cleared out and lo and behold the soiling stopped

@ThickSkinnedSoWhat ohhh ok, I am definitely going to try and get him in on Friday then

Did you feel that way about him smiling, crawling, walking and talking?

potty training can’t happen until they’re ready.

Obviously it may not be. I hope I haven't sounded forceful, I just felt awful as I didn't realise myself as it seemed unlikely at the time and my own DC was completely nonverbal at the time and I felt awful that I hadn't known. I still managed to potty train them though. I also used the Oh crap method and mine had no speech and communicaton delays/no real understanding (has additional needs) or instruction following. Took a bit longer but we got there! Wish you the best of luck!

Just do it OP, whilst the weather is bearable and you can dry washing outside. If you wait until December for the sake of a (fairly long but definitely not unmanageable) drive then you might miss a great window of opportunity, and as you say there are signs of readiness.

I took mine on a flight during potty training ! A bit of a pain in the arse but nothing terrible. He was sorted by 2 and 2 months.

Nursery can remind him regularly at first and he'll soon get the hang of it even though it'll be different from home. Good luck!!

Hi OP. We potty trained our 2.5 year old using the 3 day method. We did this with a 10 week old baby. Nursery are good about it despite DS being similar to your son (little quieter there about telling them explicitly he needed the potty). They just keep an eye and take them at regular intervals. We actually held off on potty training due to DS dirty nappies always being pretty loose. I had this checked by GP and spoke to health visitor. As this was always the case and not a sudden change in his poops they put it down to toddler diahorrea / a lot of dairy intake and said he'd just grow out of it. It hasn't effected the potty training other than the fact the cleaning of said potty can be pretty grim 🤣 But don't let it put you off if you think your DS is otherwise ready.

We take the travel potty with when we go out (my Carry potty is good as it vacuum seals 😂). And we've done long journies including a flight where I'd both toddler and baby on my own, three weeks after we started potty training (not sure what I was thinking!) but that went without any issue.

Go for it!

Ah thank you both, I feel a lot more confident about it it now. We have a few plans this weekend but next weekend we are free for the whole fri-mon so I’m going to do it then!

We tried it at 2.5 but she didn't get it so now we are holding it till 3 which will be summer so better,and this time am trying a sticker chart.

Oh sorry and for reassurance, our DS was 22 months when he was trained by day and at night time a few weeks after. My friends kids were 2.5 and also were also successful.