Gentle parenting / authoritive

[maxedat3]

How do you mix gentle parenting and a more authoritive style, without being strict.

I want to GP and feel I have, but slip into a more authorities style as my DD's don't respect boundaries, listen to instructions/requests etc so end up saying things like "if you do... you'll get" or if you don't do xyz..we can't have" they're also a huge fan of sweets/treats, so these also play a part and we end up using them as a bribe to get them to behave/do things/reward, which I think isn't right but feel like we don't have any options sometimes.

We've tried to be laid back parents, with boundaries to keep them safe, but everything becomes a mess, a simple game becomes expanded into a whole host of extra things added in, making it impossoble to play the original game, then they're frustrated and don't want to undo what they've added, or tidy the game up.
Feeling totally outnumbered and unsure what to do! 🤯

Stop worrying about labels and do what works for your family.

The only thing I would worry about it using sweets as a reward too often- it can set up a bit of an unhealthy relationship as it’s making them the focus above other foods.

One thing I find works quite well when DD refuses to do something is to just say “ok, well you let me know when you’re ready” and walk away and do anything else. No further attention, just completely disengage and go start sorting washing or something. If she comes and asks me to play with her or turn the tv on, “sorry, I’m still waiting for you to tidy your toys/brush your teeth/put your plate in the kitchen”. Saves getting into a massive power struggle and 90% of the time she’ll get bored of messing around and do what needs to be done pretty quickly.

I am a very gentle parent but I absolutely agree with pp - do what works for your family and don't get hung up on labels. I reckon if you are respectful of your dc as individuals and you relate well to them and validate their emotions (not necessarily their behaviour) you won't go wrong.

It's real consequences that are key to this and it takes a while. No way was I fighting small battles or constantly negotiating. Won't eat dinner=being hungry. Wears stupid clothes to go out in=friends laugh at him. Been mean to a friend=has lost a friend. Hit me=I don't talk to him for a bit.

You can be kind and authoritative.

Setting a boundary doesn't mean you have to shout, scare or humiliate your child to comply, as you say it can be a simple 'if you do x, y will happen'. You can say no and mean it.