I'm just really not feeling good at the moment.
I have DD age 7 and DS age 4.
I've always worried excessively about DD. Before being pregnant with her I had several MC and then whilst pregnant had severe anxiety. I thought I would be fine when she was born but the anxiety continued. It was as if I couldn't accept she was here and perfect. I was convinced something was wrong with her. I had CBT but don't feel it helped. I did gradually feel better and had medication but gradually weaned off it. However now I am obsessively worrying about her even though there has never been any major issues. She has friends, she's average at school - maybe slightly below target on a couple of subjects but nothing requiring intervention, she's healthy.
I don't worry as much about DS for some reason - I obviously love him equally. He's a happy cheerful funny little boy. However he's starting school this year and I'm finding it so difficult to lose that precious time with just me and my 'baby' boy.
I constantly feel that I'm not doing enough. I worry about coming home from work every night as I just worry that I should be doing more for them, and I can't even talk about DS starting school without becoming upset. I have a lovely supportive DH who has been my rock over the years but I don't want to drain him mentally. I also haven't slept very well for a few weeks, partly due to the heat, and when I'm tired my mental health always dips. I also have health anxiety just to add to the mix! My mind constantly feels as if there is a big dark cloud over it and it shouldn't as to an outsider my life is perfect- I have 2 happy, healthy children, a wonderful DH, no financial worries, and a successful career with a good work/home life balance.
I don't know why I'm posting, I suppose I just need to offload.