Baby wont calm for dad, feel like a prisoner

[Gigi89x]

Baby is now 4.5 months old, will not calm for dad and screams louder and louder and gets more worked up.
When handed to me he calms instantly. Im aware baby would prefer me as the main care giver

Im feeling very worried that all my nct friends partners don't have an issue like this, my DP is an angry hot headed type and is baby picking up on this when being soothed? Or is his technique wrong? I have tried to give him tips on how to soothe and doesn't want my advice

I feel i cant go anywhere as baby often has little upsets which with DP turn into screaming fits and keep going on. Its not fair on baby and I'm too anxious to let it happen.

Im just in despair as to what to do here

My youngest child was like for the first 6 months of her life. It caused lots of
strife and resentment from my DH. I found it got better once I stopped BF-ing. I don’t know if this is relevant in your case, but it seemed for her it was all about food.
She was still quite mummy-ish as a toddler but nothing quite as bad as those first few months.

My 12 month old is exactly like that he will not go to anyone but me or if someone else has him and he sees me he will cry with his arms open for me to get him or if I leave the room he cry's it's separation anxiety do some research on it and you'll learn that it's completely normal and every baby goes through it at least once it's part of there development you'll get through it xoxox

Do you tend to take over when DH has the baby? Or do you let him figure out his own ways of settling the baby?

What is an angry hot headed type? How does that normally manifest itself at home?

What happens if you go out and leave baby with your DP? Do you get called back?

@CoachBeardsJane i have to intervene after 10 mins or so when i see my baby screaming louder and louder and making noises he would never make for me

@RoseslnTheHospital he argues with me over small things and has little patience.
But he is trying very hard with our baby and is generally good with him when baby is in a good mood, baby is happy. When baby is in a sad mood, he screams for dad continuously. I have a few times had to leave them for hospital appointments and baby screamed to the point of falling asleep i assume from exhaustion (at bedtime)

You need to leave the room (/house) and let him get on with it. Young babies won't settle for dad if they can see/smell mum.

Other than that, try to make sure baby isn't hungry (especially if BF). Can your OH go out for a walk/drive, that's often better than being screamed at in the house. But long term he needs to keep practicing.

My guess is your baby is picking up the angry vibes from your P.

If you are totally totally happy that your DP can manage to not lose his patience or temper with your tiny baby, then I would suggest leaving him to it and letting him find his own way to settle and calm the baby.

Separately, are you ok with being in a relationship with someone who argues over small things and has no patience? What happens when he loses his patience? Shouting? Name calling?

My little girl is 17mo now and honestly I completely relate, she was the exact same and at times still is. I actually found, I was stepping in way too much and not giving him time & letting him figure it out. It wasn't out of malice it was more like an instinctive thing as I knew she would calm instantly and looking back this probably wasn't fair on DH. We then decided on a code word and if he had reached his limit or felt it was not working he would let me know and I'd take over & vice versa. Whether this was right or wrong I don't know but its the way we worked it 🙂

My LO was like this, she was slightly better if she could see me but still only really happy when with me (she was the same for everybody not just my other half). It did get better around 7/8 months

You need to leave the house so baby can't smell you.

My youngest was like this until 7/8 months. Now sometimes she cries UNTIL she gets her dad’s attention and I just won’t do!

I actually suggest that you stay home and your partner and the baby leave if possible. Get them both out for a walk, the fresh air, movement and distraction should help them both feel calm and you get some down time at home.

Thanks all for the helpful advice