MiL

[charadam]

Our baby doesn't seem to like / warm to mother in law

Since a baby she would cry whenever mil would hold her but only her - she was a cryey baby so never really thought too much about it but she would make comments like ' I dont think she likes me ' I thought she is a baby! She doesn't dislike people

However she is 11 months and it's got worse
Now baby can reach out arms, shakes head no and turns ahead into chest she does this when mil tries to cuddle / kiss her

She admitted she won't try and kiss her again as this made her scream and cry when she tried 3 times 🙄was a bit awkward because sure it's an older generation thing! My mum is the same what's to kiss and hug the baby straight away but the thing is this is how I was bought up and I don't mind so much ( they kiss her head, toes, tummy etc not her face / lips ) but still my baby loves my mum and step dad and most people we are close to.

She puts her arms out to my eldests dad when I do drop off every other weekend ! So it's not we don't see mil - we see her a fair bit

The last few visits I've had to hold baby or basically keep her away so when I'm doing her bottle or dinner I can't ask her to do it as she literally will cry when near

I can tell this is upsetting mil - is there anything we can do ? I don't fancy just letting baby get on with it. She gets so upset and I don't think that fair

I do want do add my mil is depressed and always a bit down/low mood. My husband said from day one she doesn't like her aura

I just feel it's getting worse and when she walks in baby crawls to me and doenst want to
Be close.

Anyone ever had this and can help advise ?

Anyone?

Sorry no advice, but I'm wondering if there's a strong smell around your MIL? Usual culprits: cigarettes, perfume, deodorant, laundry stuff.

Both of mine were like that with my MIL. We had no idea why, she was a lovely woman who had loads of kids and grandchildren. I've no advice to offer at all, but mine did grow out of it.

My LO was like this as a young baby with MIL and MIL became upset saying 'she doesn't like me' - like you, I said she is just a baby. Anyway, MIL has gone away for 3m and comes back next week, baby is now 7m and I'm wondering how this relationship will go. I start back at work in few months so hoping all is well as she will have her some of the time alongside my parents.

I will go with what another poster said and query scents?

I will personally also do a lot of gentle build up work with this relationship, actively passing baby to MIL, play with baby in MIL arms (for short bursts and take back). Letting baby know MIL is a good guy! Maybe you can give MIL big hugs and over exaggerate 'ahhh' etc?? I'll also let MIL give baby her favourite things, play favourite games etc and ask MIL to ask baby for a hug and slowly build relationship up.

I agree with your DH; babies have an instinct and pick up on vibes! My baby also doesn't like my sis.. we fell out over this 😵‍💫

You said she tried to kiss baby 3 times and then gave up.

Does she do this kind of thing regularly - force touch on baby? If so, that’s your issue. She’s too pushy.

It’s not an “older generation thing”. It’s a “rude, disrespecting personal boundaries” kind of thing.

Ohh hasn't thought of that...she doesn't smoke and I can't smell or think of anything

What age did they ? I was hoping by a year that they would have a nice close relationship
It seems a bit sad and I feel sorry for her

She does but not in a mean way and she doesn't do it in a rude way
I do think it's an older generation now and loads post on here get offended by kisses and affection but I won't get into that - I am all for it but agree if baby/child doesn't want to then obviously not to force but she isn't even that forceful ( apart from this the 3 attempts was a bit much ) but she said she won't do it again
In fact each time now says I wont kiss her as it made her cry last time !

Has she ever been alone with the baby?

Only a couple of times - once when I went into work for a kit day but she was a lot smaller then
I couldn't leave her alone now because of how she is

How strange as soon as I got to the end it struck me, my baby is a bit like that with my mum she loves everyone even strangers but quite often especially within the first 5mins most times when meeting she cries a lot. My mum suffers severe depression, not that she's down and sad around baby though so that's quite interesting 🤔 I always assumed it was because my mums the only one my daughters met with blonde hair everyone else on both sides of the family are dark haired