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Parenting

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Partners family

9 replies

Motherbear73 · 27/06/2023 00:37

Hello,

I just wanted some advice please.

for the past 15 years all my partners family, his mum, dad, sister and brother have been nothing but horrible to me. I don’t take it personal they are like this with other people not just me. Iv tried and tried to be friends and Iv forgiven loads but I’m 15 years down the line now and Iv just, if I’m honest had enough.
I never fall out with anyone, I just keep myself to myself and I actually really love being friends with everyone in my life. I have no enemies apart from my husbands family. The less drama the better but with this family, you just cannot stay friends with them for long. You’re always doing something wrong and basically Iv just had enough. I just want to be free from the drama.

any way my reason for writing on here is we have two beautiful children, so lovely and happy. I don’t want them seeing any upset. It’s not fair on their little heads is it. The world is hard enough without watching your mum argue with their Nan, auntie, uncle etc.

they just have always felt like ‘Iv taken my husband away’ from them even though we have spent a hell of a lot of time with them, christmas’, birthdays, time in-between, they are a very small family but Iv made so many sacrifices for them and I’m just fed up now to be honest. If you’re not talking to them, involving yourself in everything they aren’t happy. His mum even said to me if we were ever having problems in the bedroom
department I should talk to her 😳

Like I said I just want to be happy.

my husbands mum was horrible to me again a few years back and Iv completely distanced myself. Iv just basically said I don’t want anything to do with them as it’s not worth my happiness. my husband completely understands he has nothing against my decision. He says himself he’s always on pins around his mum in case she is horrible to him but I understand he wants contact with her and that’s fine. Other family members have also cut contact with his mum, her own mum and dad, my husbands mum and dad, my husbands cousin and family, it’s not just me that doesn’t have any contact with his mum. She only speaks to her husband, daughter, son and my husband again now:
Like I said she’s hard work and doesn’t get on with many but the daughter (husbands sister) is so awful towards me. If my husbands mum falls out with me or is horrible and I stick up for myself she instantly is no longer my friend. She has no interest in letting me have my say, she just point blank falls out with me.
this has happened for years and years now and im fed up of being treat this way.
I just want happiness especially for my little ones and I work so hard to make their life nice.

any way my husband had fallen out with his mum due to her being so nasty again, she said she was stressed and we should have understood that’s why she took it out on us and if she had just said ‘sorry I was stressed’ I wouldn’t have minded but she basically said again that we should take her nastiness and that’s that. So I’d had enough. Then the daughter stopped talking to me and wrote lots of awful stuff on social media about me that was untrue and I’m just so lucky that people know me and more importantly know them and know the whole thing was lies as things like that can be so damaging but she said she was drunk and that’s why she did it.

iv never had an apology I’m just told it’s been two years now and I should get over it.

I really don’t want my lovely children around this environment. They are like this with everyone not just me and I don’t want my little ones seeing this behaviour. I know you can’t stop your children seeing the real world but they treat me like I’m just crap basically and I don’t want my little ones around them. I think they are really awful people and I can’t help how I feel. I have so many valid reasons I won’t even bore you with.

my husband has been seeing his mum and dad with our children and I’m really happy for him, I don’t want him to have no memories with them but now his sister who has been the most vile towards me now wants to start spending time with my children and I just don’t feel comfortable with it.

Am I in the wrong as she is their auntie? She doesn’t care if she has treat me bad she just say well I’m their auntie and that’s that? She also has made a comment how disgusting I am even though when her mum stopped talking to her own mum she then stopped her daughter seeing her nan which was so sad to see her nan so sad and she never saw her again as she passed away around 8 months later.

can someone help me here please.
I don’t want to use my children as weapons but the thought of them being around her makes me feel physically sick. She is so awful towards me and I just think why would I want someone like you around my two lovely children?

please help and I’m so sorry for the long essay!

OP posts:
MintyBinty · 27/06/2023 05:35

They sound extremely toxic, best thing you can do is keep your kids away from them. Try and detach, ignore any comments they make about it. They will blame you of course. But the most important thing is that you protect your children from this dysfunctional family dynamic.

veryfluffyfluff · 27/06/2023 05:37

I'm surprised your partner is happy for his kids to be allowed in that environment.

MintJulia · 27/06/2023 05:50

I wouldn't encourage it either. You can't stop your partner from taking his children to see his mum, but you can ensure that they can be with you as the default, never rely on the ILs for childcare, explain to your partner that you'd rather the children didn't go etc. Your SIL has no right to see your children and she sounds toxic so you should tell your dh how you feel.

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autieawesome · 27/06/2023 06:34

Do you trust your partner? Is it a case of he goes to visit , family spend time with kids playing with them. Or are they slating you and being horrible infront of kids. Do you trust your partner to move them out of there if that happens?

Motherbear73 · 27/06/2023 09:16

Thanks so much for replying to me!

yeah I completely trust him, I know he wouldn’t allow anyone to say anything bad and when my little ones go to his mum and dads, they have only been a few times this year as they have only just started talking again but they have a great time and that’s all that matters to me is if they are happy I’ll put my feelings to one side when it comes to his parents as my mum died just before I gave birth so I understand how precious memories are with your parents but his sister has zero respect for me, she has always treated me so bad and i genuinely dislike her. Iv seen her say bad things to her other brothers son when he was around 5 and I have seen what she is capable of but the truth is I just genuinely have had enough of her and want her completely out of my life. What she wants is she wants to treat me bad and then spend time with my kids and husband. She was quite happy to stop her nan seeing her child but I’m ‘not right’ as she puts it to my husband. Iv just had enough but I don’t want to be a bad person hence why I’m coming here for advice of people who are neutral and will tell me their truth and opinion rather than friends etc

OP posts:
Motherbear73 · 27/06/2023 09:17

MintJulia · 27/06/2023 05:50

I wouldn't encourage it either. You can't stop your partner from taking his children to see his mum, but you can ensure that they can be with you as the default, never rely on the ILs for childcare, explain to your partner that you'd rather the children didn't go etc. Your SIL has no right to see your children and she sounds toxic so you should tell your dh how you feel.

Thank you so much for replying to me, I really appreciate it x

OP posts:
Motherbear73 · 27/06/2023 09:18

veryfluffyfluff · 27/06/2023 05:37

I'm surprised your partner is happy for his kids to be allowed in that environment.

Honestly the amount he and we have put up with you just wouldn’t believe. Very strange family Iv never come across anyone like them :-/
thank you for replying to me x

OP posts:
Motherbear73 · 27/06/2023 09:19

MintyBinty · 27/06/2023 05:35

They sound extremely toxic, best thing you can do is keep your kids away from them. Try and detach, ignore any comments they make about it. They will blame you of course. But the most important thing is that you protect your children from this dysfunctional family dynamic.

Thank you so much for this I really appreciate it x

OP posts:
Motherbear73 · 27/06/2023 09:27

autieawesome · 27/06/2023 06:34

Do you trust your partner? Is it a case of he goes to visit , family spend time with kids playing with them. Or are they slating you and being horrible infront of kids. Do you trust your partner to move them out of there if that happens?

Thanks so much for replying to me!

yeah I completely trust him, I know he wouldn’t allow anyone to say anything bad and when my little ones go to his mum and dads, they have only been a few times this year as they have only just started talking again but they have a great time and that’s all that matters to me is if they are happy I’ll put my feelings to one side when it comes to his parents as my mum died just before I gave birth so I understand how precious memories are with your parents but his sister has zero respect for me, she has always treated me so bad and i genuinely dislike her. Iv seen her say bad things to her other brothers son when he was around 5 and I have seen what she is capable of but the truth is I just genuinely have had enough of her and want her completely out of my life. What she wants is she wants to treat me bad and then spend time with my kids and husband. She was quite happy to stop her nan seeing her child but I’m ‘not right’ as she puts it to my husband. Iv just had enough but I don’t want to be a bad person hence why I’m coming here for advice of people who are neutral and will tell me their truth and opinion rather than friends etc

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