Am I a bad mum?

[emsgoddard]

My little girl turned 1 last week! She is such a happy and clever girl! I just have one issue - my MIL.
Me and my partner live with his parents as we are saving to move out. I love having their support! But lately it's become a bit much.
For example, in the mornings I put my little one in her high chair for breakfast after she's had a bit of a play, I'll make myself a cuppa and watch TV whilst I'm giving her her brekky - my MIL will then come in and turn the TV off and say 'TALK TO HER' like I just leave her there and almost neglect her?
It's really getting me down. I could give countless other examples.
I used to suffer from very bad depression and anxiety, whereas now it's more anxiety - I can cope with it but this is making me feel so much worse.
I went back to work part time when my little one was 10 months old and my MIL was FUMING about it until she realised I was about £400 p/m better off.
There is so much more to this but I really need some advice - we aren't financially ready to move out yet (deposit wise) and my anxiety is sky high :(

You love having their support

and yet it doesn’t really sound like she’s offering much support op

quite the opposite

ask your partner, her son, to have a calm chat with her

This is probably a case of you all living on top of each other and getting on each other's nerves.

However, I agree with your MIL that not interacting with your DD while she is eating is not great parenting - it would be better to model good behaviours by communicating with her. Also, you should be watching her in case she chokes.

How long til you move out? Remember you can't get these precious early years back with dc... And I bet your mh improves if you leave too.

I think you need to have an open chat, with the support of your partner, and set some clear boundaries with the MIL.
Sounds to me like you're doing a great job, having the tv on in the background and you being able to enjoy a bit of tv while you do things like feed yourself baby really isn't a big issue. My tv is always on, but my 18 month old is the most chatty, interactive and happy child ever.
She needs to back off and stop making passive aggressive remarks like that. Also, whether you decide to go back to work or not is no one's business but yours and your partners. Even if the MIL will be looking after your child when you're working, the only thing you need to address with her is if she is free and happy to mind your child or not. The actual decision making on whether to work again soon is none of her concern at all!
I'm sure she does a lot for you and she is having you all stay there which is very kind of her, but that doesn't mean she can interfere and cross boundaries on your parenting or family decisions.

What does your dp say to his mother in support of you, over this?

However, I agree with your MIL that not interacting with your DD while she is eating is not great parenting - it would be better to model good behaviours by communicating with her. Also, you should be watching her in case she chokes

Where does it say she doesn't watch her? Sounds like she sits beside her drinking tea, while dd eats next to her in the high chair, and the TV is on.

And is this one instance enough for you to say the OP doesn't talk to her child? Should we have a 24/7 running commentary at our children? Never let them have some time without us talking at them?

You can't watch TV and watch a child.

And I never said she didn't talk to her child - just that she doesn't talk to her in this instance. Which is a shame. I do think there are better times for OP to take a break and watch TV then when her DC is eating.

R u honestly suggesting that the op turns on TV and then leaves her child to get on with it to watch TV herself? Like seriously!

@redskytwonight

Do you have children?

I watched TV and watched my child - it doesn't take 100% concentration to keep half an eye on an episode of Friends while you sit with your dc while they have their breakfast. Or take in a bit of News with a cuppa with your child next to you sharing some toast.

Is there anywhere for your MIL to be in the house where there is no TV on? I hate the TV on in the day, and it would really get on my nerves if someone had it on all the time if I couldn't go to another room to escape it. Maybe you could talk to her about things like that and reach a compromise? If it is more a case of her telling you how to interact with your baby that's a bit different, but remember it will be as hard for her to have her house taken over as it is for you to be there. I would have really struggled to live with my mum or MIL when my babies were small, as we all had different ideas about how to bring up children. There really has to be give and take.