Dynamic toddler and baby..

[Wildflowermoon]

In need of some advice!

My 4 y/o is generally a really good girl, very energetic and has typical toddler break downs but we always get told how wonderful she is when she’s been in other company/at preschool and can be very sharp.

Since I had baby boy - now 4 months, she is obsessed, literally every second of every day she wants to touch him, hold him, grab him, shout in his face in excitement etc. My patience wears thin at times because I worry she will hurt him when she gets carried away and I have to watch them every second.

I say “be gentle” ”please stop” and “give him space” this sort of thing 100s of times per day. It gets very tiring not being able to turn my back for a split second to make a bottle for instance without her doing something to him.

Sometimes I loose my patience and shout at her when she gets over excited with him and I know she is getting negative attention from it which maybe causing it to get worse but what do I do!

Any other parents out there struggle with a toddler and Newborn? Or been through it with an extremely interested toddler and have any suggestions?

I do try my best to have alone time with DD but it is hard as I have them a lot on my own when DH is at work. For instance we sit at the table together in the morning to have breakfast and chat while baby is happy in bouncy chair but as soon as she’s bored she wants to start prodding him again!

It can be tough - my older DD (4) is still head over heels about her younger sister (12mo) and I do sometimes have to get quite forceful about stopping her doing something with her. She always wants to pick her up and carry her or help her do things and DD2 gets frustrated a bit as she wants to do these things herself.

Something that helped when she was smaller was giving DD1 jobs to do relating to the baby that weren't actually touching the baby, so she'd go and get stuff for nappy changes, or turn the pages of a book while I changed DD2's nappy, etc. It does get a bit easier when baby gets older and can escape and make their displeasure known - DD2 has taken to pushing DD1 away when she's had enough!

I would say a 4yo isn't really a toddler, which might seem like semantics but the point is maybe some more "grown-up" tactics are in order, treating her like more of an older child with good understanding than a far younger one that can't be expected to take on-board and remember things well.

For example, could you make her your "assistant" and show her "all about good baby care". Take her through step by step what to do in each situation and let her help with things like putting a nappy under his bum. A lot of kids really thrive on having step by step, prescriptive instructions to follow, and having that might give her some more focus when interacting with him.

Obviously only you know if that would work for her, it's just an idea!

A 4 year old really isn't a toddler, and should definitely be able to understand that what she's doing isn't acceptable. I had exactly a two year age gap between mine, and even at that age, older DD understood she couldn't manhandle/hurt/grab/scare or purposely wake the baby. I'd set some clear boundaries, and make sure you include times when she can sit calmly and hold her brother, help feed him etc, but make t clear she needs to ask an adult first before she does anything with him. Explain how babies are really delicate and sensitive, and much like a glass vase, she wouldn't grab or touch that without asking first, same goes for baby.

Also, has she got any baby dolls? Maybe getting her a nice life-like baby, that cries, has clothes, nappies, bottles etc, that she can love and hold and look after, will take the obsession away for a bit.

Thank you! It’s always nice to know that others have the same experiences and your words are very reassuring!

100% I think it’s a great idea, we’ve done some of this from time to time but I’ve not really ever used it properly or done it enough, my 4yo definitely thrives on “being involved” she just gets very carried away but I need to learn to be as patient as possible, thank you!

Thank you, unfortunately I feel like I remind her all day every day that she really must be so careful with him and perhaps so much so that the words no longer mean anything, even when she has a good telling off for getting carried away. She does have a few babies (she isn’t good at playing so doesn’t use them) but perhaps splashing out on a really lifelike one is one possible solution. Thank you!

I meant to write bright, not sharp!