Obesity (?!) in 11yr old

[BillieJeans]

Morning!

My 11yr old is feeling really, really bad about himself :(

He is carrying a little extra weight, but its what we'd have termed puppy fat a few years ago (I know that's not really a thing anymore, beyond kids just growing and changing both eating and exercising habits etc)

Is anyone experiencing similar? Or got through it and can offer advice?

He eats very well, virtually no processed food, no sugary drinks etc. We perhaps need reduce portion size somewhat, but we're worried about making this obvious and therefore increasing his anxiety

He does martial arts 4 times a week, does another afterschool sports club as well as whatever he does in school. He'll also walk the dog with me too

So we're A) at a bit of a loss as to how he could lose weight (to be clear, we don't think he needs to, but he does) and B) concerned as to how this is affecting him mentally and, more importantly, how we help him

Any advice gratefully received!

It sounds as if he’s got a really good diet and does loads of exercise. I’m sure it'll disappear as soon as he starts shooting up in height. Any chance he eats food you don’t know about or sneaks food?
I wouldn’t make an issue of it and would just encourage a healthy lifestyle which is sounds like you’re already doing

Is there a trainer at the martial Arts or the sports club that he really likes and gets on with?
If there is it might be worth having a quiet word with them so that they can do a general session on 'what your body needs'. This would hopefully reinforce the message about eating properly. You don't want him to decide just not to eat.
They might also be able to advise on what might be other age appropriate training for him if he's interested.

Sounds like he's due a growth spurt.

If he has a great diet and exercise I would instead work on self-esteem and body positivity/neutrality etc. Remind him of how strong and amazing his body is.

Is his body shape similar to other older male relatives? It might help to see photos of them around the same age and then a year or two later after a growth spurt.

Agree, it sounds to me like he's due a growth spurt. I am constantly shocked at how Ds can go from looking distinctly round to suddenly looking all lean again and it's a standing joke between me and a friend that her DS starts to look like a chipmunk because his face goes very round before he suddenly grows.

11 is a pretty common age for major growth spurts. DS has just turned 12 and plays basketball. we have two years in each age group ie u10, u12, u14 for basketball so you see a range. And the way they have all changed over a year is mind blowing. I've lost track of the number of boys who were tiny and are now very tall due to growth spurts over the last two years.

Also, please don't let him use the word obese, nor should you. Assuming he's not overweight or only slightly, referring to obesity is silly and will just generate additional unwanted emotions.

@BillieJeans sounds just like my DS. Last year this time, he was definitely a little bit bigger. He's had a growth spurt, and now he's so slim- to the point family members are worrying he's not eating enough!
The same happened with my nephew, I saw him pre and post lockdown, couldn't believe my eyes!

If his diet is half decent and he's moving his body there isn't anything else you can do. The rest is genetics/a phase/luck.

My DS was exactly the same at that age. I thought it was lockdown and lack of exercise (which possibly didn't help) but I think it was age. In the last few months (now 13) he'd shot up and weight had evened out. No change of diet.

Apart from organised sports, does he move around much? You mentioned walking the dog. Is that every day and for how long? Does he help out with housework etc? Being active outside of organised sports is very important to be a healthy weight.
I’m really sorry he’s feeling bad about himself. Can you speak to a GP or dietician without him being aware so they can give you advice? Try keeping a food diary for a week so you can discuss with them. Plan lots of activities for summer and if his diet is as good as you say, he will hopefully get back to a healthier weight and feel better about himself. I think you are right to want to do something to tackle it as it may not be a growth spurt but childhood weight problems can easily turn into adult ones.

What exactly and how much does he eat?

My dd is similar, she gets fed the same healthy things as my other two but carries a bit more weight, simply because she always eats 2nds and 3rds. My middle dd is like a little bird, again, exact same food but her portion sizes are so small (it's all she wants to eat).

It sounds like his diet and lifestyle are healthy.

If you don't really think his weight is an issue, I'd approach it as him using weight as a way of talking about his self confidence. Does he go on social media a lot, follow particular people who talk about body image?

I think you could slightly forget about all the weight stuff and just work on things that make him feel good - hobbies with a sense of achievement, exercise like bike rides for the sake of fun, developing different interests and skills.

Sounds like it’s all down to portion size.

Are you and his father healthy weights? If not, it might be that you have a slightly skewed view on how much he actually eats.

All 3 of my ds were like this, then they suddenly shot up at 12 and it was gone. Ds 3 has grown around 7 inches since he turned 12 in March and has thinned out again

I'm just waiting for ds4 who is 10 to do the same!

Calorie deficit.