AIBU to want to actually do things with my young daughter?

[ConfusedAdult2001]

I'm (22F) a first time mom to my DD (1F). Although DD still isn't walking yet, I normally take her almost everywhere w/ me outside of work, however, there are occasions where I want to go out and do something that could be enjoyable for the both of us, such as the zoo/aquarium/beach/park/etc., things/places that are baby friendly. I get joy out of seeing DD happy and curious.

I asked DH (28) if he would want to join us on a trip to the aquarium/zoo/beach solely because I know he's not the type to really want to go do those things, but obviously it's still nice to always ask.

He responds by saying he thinks she's too young, there's no point in taking her to such places because she won't really enjoy it and won't have any memory/recollection of it when she gets older.

Me: why can't we go yearly INCLUDING when she can/can't remember? I want photo memories of these things with her, this is me spending quality time with her, etc.

Recently we just had this same discussion, this time with me asking him if it'd be okay to invite my mom with us, and he tried to say he feels like I'm trying to raise our child with my mother, which is ironic bc my daughter barely ever sees my mother for a multitude of reasons. Then he tried to say that I'm completely disregarding his opinions on everything in regards to our child.

Lastly, he then tried to say I'm taking her only for myself to which I countered how I take her literally everywhere else with me outside of work. He said, "then leave her home with me." Here's the problem(s) with that:

1. he doesn't like to be bothered on Saturdays, so if I ever want to go out without DD, I have to find someone else ASIDE FROM MY OWN HUSBAND AND FATHER OF MY CHILD to watch DD bc he "needs a day" to himself, ON TOP of the 5-15hrs/week he gets alone after work
2. even if I do leave DD with DH, MIL/SIL complain to me about them having her the entire time I'm gone
3. he told me to leave her with him, but whenever I want to or even have to go out alone for a few hours, I'm essentially begged/forced to take her with me (wax appointments, all doctor's appointments, going out with any of my childless friends)

Am I really crazy to want to take DD to certain places literally DEDICATED to children of all ages because I want photo/video memories of her from a young age?

She may not remember or understand what dynasty the artefact on floor 3 of the museum is from but these trips are important for her cognitive development e.g. we are quiet in the museum. When we buy something we go to the till and give them money and say please and thank you, when we are at the aquarium we don't bang on the glass because we need to care for our environment and what lives in it. These are basic building blocks.

It's also vital for your mental health if you cannot stand stacking blocks in a living room 24 hours a day. I know I couldn't!

He's an arse.

Hmmm….his attitude isn’t great. However, I do kind of see his point. Some friends of my DM took their DD to Disney Florida before she was 1. What was the point? All that money on flights/theme park tickets etc when they could’ve taken her to Gullivers World or somewhere for babies here.

Gosh you have a husband problem. Don’t have any more kids with this one, I don’t think he’s a keeper.

Of course it’s normal to take your children to all sorts of places - they enjoy it, it’s good for their development, it’s good for your bond.

The OP isn’t buying a ticket to Florida, she’s taking her child to the local museum or whatever. Stimulation is good for child development.

Don’t have another child with this man, and be prepared that he will always find something better to do than parenting.

It's good to take children to these places from young ages. Both of mine loved aquariums from a few months old - they're basically big sensory experiences.

As soon as they could stand, they loved farms.

It's important for you to get out and about too. Doesn't matter if baby remembers it or not. It's still opening up her world.
The fact is you'd enjoy the trip too. Tell your dh that you want to go and you'd like him to come. If he doesn't then just carry on going without him.
He probably won't change though. Dd won't get to 3 and he'll suddenly say 'oh I think she'll remember these days out now so let's start going'
This is your life too so do the things you want.

He sounds lazy, immature and like he thinks it’s OK to absent himself from parenting and family life.

Think very hard about whether this is the life you want for yourself and your daughter. You’re effectively parenting alone and living as a single woman a lot of the time. What does he bring to the table?

I would go as far as to say it’s crucial for their cognitive development. Going to these places improve their vocabulary, heighten their senses, gives them physical activity. Everything is learning at this stage. You need to start exposing your child sooner rather than later. I have been frequently taking my 13month old and she will now roar when she sees a lion and will make the animals noise at the farm so I would say it’s the perfect time to go.

I wonder if this stance is also to do with finances? As it’s worth bearing in mind the price for children just increases as they get older. Most places for 1 year olds are free.

In any event you do need some serious conversations about your future raising your child together

We took our 2yo to Florida. It wasn't about her though, we wanted to go and she obviously had to come too. She loved it as it turns out and while she cant remember much now, sometimes you have to live life for the now.

Honestly take her! We took DD to the London aquarium to celebrate 10months. She loved it! I have so many pictures and videos of her staring mystified by the colours and movements. She pulled herself to standing to look at the sharks it was too cute.
As a family we had a beautiful day out and have the memories as well. My daughter is now nearly 15 months and I'm pregnant with DC2 so even more important that we capture our time as a 3.

Your husband is BU - he can either attend or mind his business

Wow your husband is utterly lazy, miserable and controlling. You do not need his permission to take your daughter out, don't ask if he wants to go, just do what you want .

Why are you even still with him? He simply cannot be arsed with you both. Move out OP and you will see how much happier you will be.

We used to take ours to zoo/aquarium when they were young. Was a complete ballache to be honest as they can see very little in the stroller generally and need to constantly be picked up to be shown stuff, so it’s up, down, in, out, and repeat a thousand times. Still, ours seemed to love it, and when we had more than one child we would employ a teenage babysitter for the day to accompany to have more than one pair of hands/eyes for kid wrangling as DH and I worked opposite days/shifts when the kids were that age. I’m sure none of them remembered it for long at that age but it seemed to give them joy on the day which is why we suffered it.

He is being unreasonable.

It's normal to take photos and videos of your baby, some people on this thread are being ridiculous.

OP, get back into the workforce and use iron clad contraception in the meantime.

I hope you can leave him and start a brighter life soon.

Taking a 1 year old to a zoo, aquarium, outdoor kiddy play area, the beach, gardens etc and shopping is completely normal and they enjoy it.

Take her wherever you and she want to go and have fun. There's lots for 1 year olds to experience in museums, aquariums, etc. We spent several hours at our local museum this weekend, exploring child-friendly exhbits, having lunch, playing outside. Your husband is the one who's missing out.