What do you do in the evenings, when kids are getting older and still up!

[Hiddiddleyho]

My Dd is 8yr 8m, she goes to bed at 8:40 ish normally so I'm expecting that to be 9 or 9:15 in the school hols. My issue is what to do after about 8pm when my youngest is in bed. I'm a bit 'done' then, so no way am I playing. Dd's not a willing reader - likely dyslexic. We could play a board game but tbh I'm not keen to always do that. I don't feel able to put my own choice of TV on in the living room. We don't have tv's in the bedroom. I'm not sure how I will ever get to watch any of my own TV, I normally go to bed before 10:30. Not sure what to do now she's getting older. What do others do in the late evening slot with kids around?

She does entertain herself, for long periods. But usually on her terms! I can't imagine her doing it after her brother is in bed, quietly in her room. She actually doesn't play in her room much, she's usually downstairs.

She is not the easiest child! Not exactly laid back.

Interesting thread as my DD is 8 almost 9 and I've been really missing my evenings since bedtime has been getting later. I have a demanding job and an hour or so of TV in the evening is my relaxation time before the chaos of another day. I also go up to bed at 10ish so it doesn't leave much time! I mainly watch dramas and there's very few I'd be happy to have on whilst DD was still up. Our problem is that recently she's really been having trouble falling asleep so we've had to keep pushing bedtime back and as you say, likely to be even later in the holidays.
I think I'll start doing what others have said that after 8pm, she stays in her room so that DH and I can sit in front of the telly for a bit before bed.

My DC is 10 and has never got to sleep before 10 pm.

I haven't watched tv for a decade, but it doesn't look like I've missed much. It's nice not ever watching the news, too!

I do miss having time to read, but I read to my DC, going through the childhood classics. And we play on the Nintendo.

My 11 yo will read/colour once we make her put the iPad away at 8:30pm. Sometimes we watch stuff together like I’m a celeb or strictly etc
Oldest is 14 so we watch stuff together like Greys, House etc
We all actually go to bed at 11pm including 11yo.
They are both now fairly good company so I don’t miss my child free evenings. You must remember being this age, did you spend time with your parents?

I agree it's good for them to learn to occupy themselves. I have four so I can't be with the older ones anyway whilst settling the youngest two. My older ones just watch TV or play on their consoles. As they get older they can play outside in the good weather too during the holidays with their friends locally.

No, but I was a complete book worm which Dd isn't.

I get it OP, I can remember this stage well. When we were all sitting on the sofa together every night 😂 honestly it doesn’t last for too long and then you will be at the next stage when they eat dinner and are back in their rooms, and you don’t see them til breakfast.

I hear you, OP. My eldest is 11, and we've had some lovely evenings watching stuff we both enjoy together (His Dark Materials, Harry Potter, Malory Towers even), but also I'm a single parent, with a fairly demanding job (sometimes needs finishing in the evenings), and a younger child who tends to wake around six (sometimes long before), so having to choose between 'time to unwind, alone' or 'getting to bed on time' feels a pretty grim way of living sometimes.

Eldest DC is indeed lovely company, but when I've been 'on' for 14 hours or more, actually I don't want to be actively parenting any more, I want everyone to be in bed so I can have uninterrupted peace.

I don't have a solution (I'm here reading for the answers!), but I wanted to provide a bit of counterbalance to the posters who suggest that losing the recharge time we've relied on for years is no big deal. I guess there are different personal preferences for needing time alone, or for how you want to spend it (even at 11 mine is not reliably old enough for a lot of TV dramas I'd choose for myself).

If it was only DC1 and me, I think we'd start walking in these warm evenings. That's not an option cos DC2 is in bed! But I find him much easier company outside, and I suppose that's something we both enjoy, so that would maybe be me reprogramming the evening a bit, rather than just wishing for what we used to have.
He'd occupy himself with a screen happily enough, but I don't want to do that so close to bedtime (other than v passive TV-watching in the - only - family room). I'm contemplating the suggestion of craft stuff in his room. He's not much of a reader, but I am - might instigate some evenings 'quiet time' in the living room, and I'll read and he's welcome to sit with me reading or making (or, I guess, come September - doing homework!). When time alone has been scarce (eg lockdown) I have found switching from TV to reading is better for me, as you can do 5 mins here or there, plus it fits into my commute now I'm back in the office etc.

The one thing I have done which has helped, is started doing my end-of-day chores earlier, when one or both children are awake. Loading and running the dishwasher, quickly picking bits up off the floor etc - when 'my' evening was a bit longer, I didn't mind doing this stuff while DC1 was in the bath, but now those minutes are so precious (it's the difference between having time for a 1-hr episode of something or not, as you say) so they can come out of the family account, rather than mine.

Everyone's left to it but more likely in the same room so there might be tv or we might be reading, I might be working and they're on the iPads (I try not to let them do this though because screens before bed), making something or they're just talking

This. If they're not old enough to entertain themselves they're off to bed!

My niece is the same age and my sister said something similar to me recently. It's probably a difference in parenting styles or maybe an only child thing. My niece is never expected to entertain herself, her parents both massively indulge her and make themselves available to play with her whenever she wants. It's doing her no favours at all IMHO.

During the summer, after supper we tend to potter outside, water plants and the greenhouse. Tidy up, maybe stroll down to the river, have a slow down hour as it gets to dusk, then inside, clean teeth, wash face & hands and ds goes to his room.
No screens upstairs so he reads or listens to music before sleep.
Then I clean up the kitchen, maybe watch an hour of tv.

Do you have a games evening on a Friday. Play board games or card games and catch up on the week? We did these for upwards of a dozen years, I miss them now the kids are older/ working.

My eldest is 12. I can't remember the last time I watched anything of my choice on TV! But I do insist on something that we can all enjoy after about 8pm... e.g. taskmaster, saving lives at sea, etc. We do love an evening walk together too.

We ate late-ish, around 7pm in France so this is actually quite early).

We kept both boys up to the same time. it worked fine as the oldest is a lark and the youngest is an owl by nature, so they were fine with a similar bedtime.

The oldest would usually go in the bedroom and game etc, the youngest watched tv with DH and I - cooking / antiques / repair shop / nature stuff, plus series like Malcolm in the Middle, some of the lighter detective stuff. Sometimes the youngest and I had a big jigsaw on the go - that’s nice chill out time, just quietly chatting.

3 yos go up 7ish, DS has to have Gastostromy feed so we do that then so he stays up. If we've not eaten, he'll be up a little later. Either House of Games or his telly. There's nothing really else suitable, he's 8. He goes up by 8/8.30 and - awful mother alert - it's the same school holidays and on holiday.

When he's older hopefully there will be more overlap telly we can watch. Can't even watch a nature documentary with him atm!!

That sort of age, we watched TV together - but it was my choice. It was carefully selected to be child suitable, but my choice.

A year or 2 later, they are sent to bedrooms about 9. There is a screen curfew, but they are to self entertain.

Also finding this hard. After a protracted bedtime with DC 4&7, that post their bedtime slot is the only time DC11 feels like he gets time with us. We often spend it reading together on our bed, as I’m not keen on screens after dinner. But then he whines if I want to do something for my self like go for a walk or out for dinner with a friend.