What are these feelings about baby #3? Opinions please...

[Poppychick]

Can any suggest some perspective on this!?

We have two children DD aged 3 and DS aged 1. We said no more after DS was born he has always been challenging LOL!! As we have one of each we said two was enough, I don't enjoy pregnancy and love my career. We can't particularly afford more, nor do we have room for more BUT ... I feel so damned broody!!

I yearn for another baby, another birth another pregnancy. The thought of never having another baby scares me and makes me sad. Is this just a phase? Or proper 'broodiness'? How do I know?

I'm not sure DP or I have the emotional strength for another one. I want to progress in my career and am not naive enough to think I can have it all.

What do I do?

Can't answer your question - I too am in exactly same frame of mind with same situation (except I don't love my career!). Same age kids, one of each sex, no need for any more, but aren't babies lovely - arrrgggghhhh.
I think its a biological urge that we (or just me) have to fight

Head or heart????
I got to the stage where I imagined my 2 as grown ups, and tbh, there just didn't seem to be enough of them! Do you come from a big family? I am one of 4 so 2 seems stingy somehow, it is madness financially, career wise it's pretty much suicide - and I too love my job, couldn't wait to get back to it etc.
So I pictured myself explaining to the DS's why they were only 2, and "Mummy wanted to spend more time at work" just didn't do it for me...
Tho, having got a BFP 3 weeks ago, the reality of telling work, and giving up in 7 months is quite harsh, but I know it'll be worth it in the end. (honest!)

Go for it! Sooner rather than later, then you'll get all the sleepness nights over and done with and get your career back on track

I think only you can decide what compromises would have to be made and whether you could work things so your career could be progressed, some can make it work if they are going to earn enough to pay for help or have family/friends who will help.

How old is your youngest? If you had another one, would their be a big gap between the youngest and the baby going to school? If they would be only a few years apart then I think, maybe, go for it as in the whole scheme of things everything will work out.

I have 3, and though we can no way afford it, I still long for one more pg and one more birth, one more darling baby. I feel too that there should be more of us. That there is one more missing. I don't know whether I have to get used to fighting this feeling and ignorjing t, or whether in years to come when it is too late, I will seriously regret not having one more.#Only time will tell I guess.
If i win the lottery of course I will be pg within the night !
Money is the only issue for us.

ooooo snap op. I have dd (4 in June) and ds (1 in April) in my head I say no way to number 3. But I cannot say the words. Everytime anyone asks if 'that's it' I say probably. Then I say I can't say no, but more likely we'll stick with 2. TBH I don't think i'd cope with anymore. I do feel sad that i'll not have anymore babies I loved being pg. DS' birth was good compared to dd's (with dd I said no more babies, I was that traumatised)

I guess it's the thought that another part of life is over

Yes it's definately a heart or head thing!! But which wins! It's reassuring to know others have these feelings - is it normal to always want one more then?

If I talk to my Mum or friends they say they knew NO MORE after baby #2!!

God knows how to persuade DP if I decide I want another - always pictured myself with 3.

Cheers x

I think you know in your heart/head how many is right for you/your familiy - afer 1 DD and 1 DS we went for No 3 - no regrets - except maybe if we had started fanily 5 years earlier we might have had 4 !

Dropscone - I don't think I do!! Oh dear

Agggghh, are you me?!!!

Just sitting numbly idly browsing Mumsnet having had a heart to heart with DH about no 3 trying to get my head around what I really want.

We have twins who are 2.6 and just started pre-school. Just getting to that dangerous stage where they suddenly are much more portable/able to go out and do stuff without need for naps etc. My career is building up again. I've lost the baby weight. I sleep wonderfully because my children mainly do. All my friends (bar a couple whose mums live nearby and help loads) have a neat and manageable 2 children...we cna just about ask friends to look after them for a morning while we go and have time out just the two of us as a couple...

But I've wanted a third for so long and I'm worried I'm getting bogged down in the short-term of sleepless nights and nappies and chaos. When I look ahead to the future I'd rather see 3 children playing together but when I look to the short-term I struggle with the tiredness and logistics and worry and chaos of 3, plus the guilt of trying to split my time with another child as well..

Aggghhhh! Seeing as we've been unsuccessfully ttcing anyway for a third for 6 months it may well be out of our hands anyway....

We don't really have the space or finances for 3 either. Maybe it's because I'm one of 5 and DH is one of 3 that we feel 2 doesn't seem enough of a family...

Hope you manage to make your decision...my cousin has just announced she's having girl twins but I would find it hard to hand over all our baby kit for good...

I'm in the same state now, we have 2 DDs, 2.5 and 1, but I suddenly yearn for more. After DD2 was born we said that was enough and I truely believed it, but recently, after a few weeks of being grumpy, I suddenly realised that I'm not happy with my lot and I want more!

DH (having said he'd getted snipped if I made the appointment for him) now says he actually doesn't mind if I'd like another which is pretty amazing for him as he had to be persuaded to have any at all.

I don't have the same problem with careers as I don't work but we only have a small house and I have no idea how to fit 3 car seats in a normal car (which we can't afford to swap for an MPV and wouldn't want to!) but I think that we'll find ways to make it work if it's supposed to happen iyswim?

Oh dear I've rambled on haven't I? Sorry

Oh God it isn't just me is it!!!! Feel better already...

I felt like this Poppychick, it was all the sensible thing to stick at 2 (they're 4 and 1) we love what we've got etc. But dp and I looked to the future and wondered whether we'd regret not having more. And we thought we would regret that so I'm pg with no.3. You've mentioned wanting to have another pg, birth, baby but have you thought about whether you want another child cos that's only the first year? And I now realise it's when they get older that things get a bit more complicated with school runs and so forth.
Try to think about it in practical terms if you have a baby this year, you'll end up with a 1 year old, 3 year old and 5 year old next year. Can you imagine that working for you?

NO!!!! It would be total complete mayhem. DP works shifts as a police officer, I'm a teacher and work 4 days a week life is chaotic as it is.

BUT saying that it still doesn't stop me wanting ... and I know I'd love them all to pieces anyway.

Thanks this is the kind of thing I need to hear!

oh poppy the turmoil! My DP is police officer too, so when on nights have to try and get noisy kids out of house in the morning!

The car seat thing has me stumped now too.

As well as the money, the space, etc...

A generation ago no one cared about space and people just used to have about 4 kids without seemingly worrying too much about it (my mum included).

D'y'know - I worked out today that because of the gaps we've got dh and I will never have to support more than 1 child at a time at university (always assuming all three want to go anyway). I would feel quite smug about that - except it has honestly never crossed my mind till we were walking to school today. Not sure this really contributes to the debate here much - but I wanted to post it somewhere....

Well done Northern Lurker!! We will not be in that situation1!! Enviable though it is ... maybe we'll be rich by then and it won't matter yeh right.

Poppy - that's what we're all hoping - just pointed out my 'discovery' to dh - he said 'but what if one of them wants to do a phd....' I don't think you can plan for that much detail though - otherwise it would take you 20 years to have three children. Actually - I do know someone who had three children at 12 year intervals - so eldest was 24 when baby arrived....and she was a university professor - she can't have been thinking of funding the phds - can she???????

Well, let's face it, there never is a right time, and you can never afford it. Not really. But you manage. And bunk beds means you can share rooms (boys and girls can share while still in single figures - shock horror!). And there is a big advantage of having the nappy years while you are still in the swing of it, adn kids have potential to grow up as friends.

Personally I can't see the attraction with being pregnant, never did understand it. But if I am honest, I love kids, not so much babies, and certainly not being fat, aching, grumpy, tired and suffering from heartburn/piles and other nasties...

DH needs to be on board though, or it won't work.

P.S. Am currently pregnant with number 3

I have three - and definitely don't want any more. This wasn't the case after 2. Then it didn't feel that our family was finished. Now it does! Don't know if that helps!

oooh....not read the other posts yet, but instant responce says.....GO FOR IT!!!

for me, baby no 3 was my easiest. I knew what I was doing, I had sone the shock of the first, the guilt of the second, and the third......well, she just slotted in.

I knew what I was doing.....the older two already had got over the shock of new babies, (or others to share mummy with), and so DC3 was for me and DH, rather than to give a sibling to DD1.

and she ws so easy too......baby had got used to the routine of the family from the pregnancy, so schoo, runs were a doddle (well, for me...babay woke at 6am for feed, then slept until I had completed school runs! made it so calm and nice. BUT.....word of warning.....

going from 3 - 4 is not so easy. In fact, a bloody shock.....not least tho cos I went from DD3 to DS1......HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE shock going from girls to boys!!!

i have dd1 who is nearly 5 and dd2 who is 18 months. On and off for the last 6 months i've been feeling so broody. I would really like to have another, but i had bad pnd after dd2, the first four months were so hard, i honestly don't know how i got through them. I'm terrified that if i have another i'll feel the same if not worse. We home ed, and live a couple of hundred miles from any family, my dh works full time, so everything is left to me. I can't imagine not having another baby but don't know if i could manage the first few months

i'm with chankins..... we have 3 (which IS ace!) and i can't turn off my want for another....i wonder if it may be the same if i had 17 babies, or if number 4 will sort of finish my baby days......doubt we'll find out tbh....

fast forward to your future.....is your job something you can go back to after a break? does it fulfil all your sort of dreams and aspirations? there'll always be another job i'm sure, but only a limited time in which to make babies in......will you have any regrets if you don't have a baby??

its a really hard decision, but one only you can make......

i wish you luck!
x

WE HAVE 3 AND i LOVE IT Ds is 4.4,DD1 2.2 and dd2 13mths
Although unlike others dd2 has proven to be the hardest yet as she is extremely clingy and whiney but adorable all the same. We are currently discussing whether to go for no.4

I'm there too. DD 3.5 and 2yrs. We have reached the talking about it stage and DH has thrown it back to me in some ways, but giving me no choice really. He says go for it if I want and he will try to get used to it, but he's not sure what effect it will have on us - basically meaning when it gets a bit tough going don't come to me for any support and if we are having any issues then it is my fault for wanting a 3rd kid - not such a choice like he would have himself believe really is it. Any advice on helping him to actually want this with me would be much appreciated. I cant do it without his support, but cant give up the idea either - I've tried to hard to accept no more and I cant. I am so right now mixed up in my head at a dead end on it all. I dearly love the two I have and am so grateful for them, but somehow things just don't feel done for me. If you cant help me talk DH round maybe you can talk me out of it instead??