How do I get my LO's to sleep?! 😭

[Cascade39]

My toddlers are aged 4M and 3F. They share a bedroom and I don't have the option to change this.

They always used to go to sleep between 7-8. I'd get them ready for bed, read them a story, kiss, cuddle, snuggle then close the door and they'd go to sleep. My 4yo went through a phase of coming downstairs and the 3yo through a phase of waking up in the middle of the night but they went to sleep.

The last month has been a bloody nightmare 😭 they haven't been going to sleep until 9 / 9.30. I do the same I've always done, pyjamas, story, kiss, cuddle, snuggle then I get I want water, a teddy, my bed tent up, my bes tent down, my cover, throws cover on floor, I want cover. Have 5 minutes in the chair (I have a rocking chair in the room that we read the stories on. That 5 minutes ends up being an hour until they've basically fallen asleep.

I can't just leave them and go downstairs, they will talk, muck about, jump on the beds, look out the window, come downstairs like 6 times so I'll sit outside their bedroom door and if they try to open it I the hold the handle so they can't.

I try and make sure they're adequately "worn out" throughout the day, and they ARE tired. I've calmed things down before bedtime, I've tried bedtime drops, massage cream, sleepy spray, I've got blackout curtains (it's still very light in their room though tbh!).

I've put them to bed together, put the 3yo to bed first tried to get her to sleep before bringing her brother up, which I did tonight, bought her up at 7.15, and she was so tired, but at 8.45 she's still awake so I've had to bring her brother up as it's so late, and the 3yo has literally JUST gone to sleep, the 4yo is still awake! I just don't know what else to do!!! 😭😭😭

I work 3 days a week, I've got 2 teenagers as well and a dog. I need my evenings to do housework, walk the dogs and TRY to just chill for a bit before I go to bed and I can't do any of that now because by the time I've spent 2 hours settling them to get, up and down stairs etc I am KNACKERED and just want to go to bed myself.

I have depression and anxiety and 7 chronic pain conditions, I NEED some time in the evenings for me to do what I need to do to manage my conditions, like having a bath, yoga, meditation, even walking the dog, but I'm not able and it's draining the crap out of me!

What else can I do to get them to go to sleep at a decent time? I never had this problem with my older 2 who also shared a room. I'm really at a loss and quite frankly desperate 😭😭😭

Do you have a partner in this?

Also, could it be overtiredness or even the fact they've not been able to burn all of their energy? Could you do a quick walk with them and the dog before bed?

I’m assuming neither of them nap? If they do then that’s the issue.

Assuming no nap; then you need to look at what is happening between the original “bedtime” and when they finally go to sleep. Are they being unintentionally rewarded for staying awake longer? More stories, more playing? My eldest is 4 and started trying it on a bit like this and after I’ve said goodnight and lights out I literally don’t engage. If she shouts me or comes out or whatever I just say “it’s bedtime now” and take her back. And repeat. It’s very boring and she doesn’t bother now.

Meant to say I very much doubt that they aren’t tired enough unless you are letting them sleep in late to compensate for the late bedtimes? If so you can try consistently waking them at 6.45 ish every morning. Very few 3yo that I know would still be awake past 7.30 after that.

My partner doesn't love with me (for both of our own personal reasons, so he's no help for bedtime except on a Tuesday night. He has them every other Friday - Sunday at his flat and will put them to bed when he brings them back on a Sunday so that's only 6 nights a month, the rest is on me.

No naps, unless for example they fall asleep in the car, which they don't normally do but have been recently as they aren't getting enough sleep, because they still get up between 6-7 no matter what time they go to bed.

They don't get more stories or playtime but I guess me staying in the room is a reward for them and I do interact with them too much when I'm trying to settle them.

I bought them up at 7.35 tonight, the 3yo at 8.10 was standing on the footboard of her bed and belly flopping on the bed 😏 so I went in, took the 4yo out, laid her back down and walked out. Have sat the 4yo next to me in the hall but not talking to him and not letting him play with anything, touch anything etc just keeping it quiet and boring for him. He's actually asking to go back in the room but I want to leave it a few more minutes for the 3yo to go to sleep.

Any other suggestions welcome.

Invest in some proper blackout blinds. We have ones that actually attach to the window as opposed to pull down ones. 3.5 yo DS’ room is pitch black even in the height of summer. Might help with the early mornings as well as the late nights. It means you can stay in their room but not interact with them either if it’s complete darkness.

I don’t know what you do about this, but you need to try and stop the covert car sleeps. If DS has even 15 or 20 minutes, especially after 3pm in the car he’s up for at least another hour. He’s normally fast asleep within minutes by 8ish but he fell asleep en route home from a country park today at 4:30 and he’s still pissing about now, no chance of sleep until probably more like 9.

I agree about the car naps. My two year old had 15 minutes in the car at 3.30 yesterday and it meant she didn’t go to sleep until nearly 10pm. You need to do everything you can to avoid them.

Could you make it a little bit competitive with a reward chart? Ticking off each thing that needs to be done before bed and maybe a small reward at breakfast time the next morning.

Ah, car naps I used to ply mine with a biscuit or a bit of fruit and/or an interesting toy or the kindle if it was a short drive.

The food might give them a bit of energy to keep them awake too.