Toddlers don’t seem to like their dad

[ShamaBahama]

Hi,

We’ve got a bit of a problem in our house at the moment. My husband and I have got two boys, aged 2.5 years and 17 months. Over the last six months or so both of them have increasingly stopped wanting to be alone with their dad in the house.

It’s a nightmare, I can’t go upstairs to get ready for the day (or even for a wee) without them standing at the baby gate crying for me to come back down! Bedtime is the absolute worst, we try and take it in turns alternate nights buts it’s awful now.

They started getting so upset when it was my husbands turn that I had to start sneaking downstairs once they were in the bath, but then they started refusing to get into the bath because they knew I was about to leave! After that only way for them to not scream and cry for me when it was time to go up to bed was for me to actually leave the house first. But it’s getting earlier and earlier that I have to leave, they know when the time is coming so they limpet themselves to me so I can’t go. He’d have to drag them off me with them screaming and fighting against him.

This is all getting too much and too stressful! It’s crazy that I have to leave the house so that my husband can put them to bed. I’d also like to be able to have a shower on my own or a bath whilst they all chilled together downstairs. It’s obviously really not nice for me husband either because he feels so rejected by them.

What can we do about this? Has this happened in anyone else’s house? They’re okay leaving the house with him in the daytime and me staying behind. It’s just if we’re all home together. Do I just accept that I have to leave the house after tea every other night so he can put them to bed?

Any thoughts on this are very welcome!

Apparently I was like this as a toddler, it hurt my dad's feelings. I would be physically clinging on to my mum's leg. I don't know why, but me and my dad have enjoyed a great relationship, we are really close, so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

I only have one (she's 2.5) but yeah she's like this too. It's exhausting! But you just have to be consistent. I always make myself available for an easy life but in reality we should just get on with our lives and they'll definitely be absolutely fine! But I totally sympathise.

No advice really, just that it’s super common and you just have to get through it. In my family, it was my daughter craving DH. He went to work and she would scream “don’t go”, it broke my heart, she was about 19/20months at the time. She would make up songs about loving daddy and I never got a mention. It felt like an age but in reality it was probably only a matter of weeks. Her dad would often say things like “mommy is so special for organising this for us” (we may have only just been in the park!) or “mommy cuddles make me feel so happy” I think it helped, it definitely made me feel better knowing that I had his support.

We have this issue too, exacerbated by the nature of my husbands job which means I do all weekends and nursery drop offs/pick ups during term time. It is so frustrating that our son just howls when I leave the room and he's with his dad. I am assuming it will pass - but when I leave the room, I don't come back even after lots of crying and shouting. He does calm down. Latest issue is that he wants to go to sleep every night stroking my face 😆

My boys do this. Drives me mad. I like to have a relaxing bath and wash my hair one weekend morning. Now can't do it except for when my 2 year olds are asleep. If I leave them downstairs with DH they scream at the stair gate and often and up getting so distressed they wet themselves (not reliably potty trained yet).

I look at my eldest and remind myself that she was just the same. They grow out of it, but it might well be months and months I'm afriad. Sorry.

This all sounds really normal. It's not that they don't want Dad; they just don't want Mum to go. My 2 yo has just gone through a phase of refusing to go for his bedtime story (Dad's job), because he knew Mummy would leave for a minute. Happy to report that last night he eagerly ran into his room for his story with Daddy.

I know it's tough, but honestly it is a phase. Don't know if it helped, but I would always tell him things like "Daddy is the best. We love Daddy a lot, don't we?" and letting him see me giving Daddy hugs to model behaviour.

I'm very excited about him going through a Daddy phase when he doesn't even want to look at Mummy. I've heard tales of such experiences! 😅

This is all fantastic news! Thanks for your input everyone. Nice to see that it’s normal and (hopefully) just a phase.

I like the idea of talking Daddy up to them, I’ll try and do that a lot more to see if it helps. They obviously love him a lot because when we’re all together they’re happy to play with him, they love rough housing together with him which is something that I’m not great at. He’s a really hands on dad so I feel for him when they’re screaming for me all the time.

Fingers crossed it doesn’t last too much longer. I’m having to do both of them through the night because of it, which is 4-6 wake ups in total! So I’m completely exhausted.