My daughter’s love life. I teach at her school.

[hobbcat]

I am a teacher at my children’s school. As a family we’re good at avoiding each other and working through niggles and stresses which arise from us being at the same school.

However I have been shaken by my own reaction to my daughter’s first very brief relationship. She’s 15 and chose to date a boy in her year who has good qualities but is also complex.

I went completely haywire emotionally. I needed to give her space to work out for herself what he was about, but my additional knowledge of him meant that I was hyper vigilant and over protective. They only went out once and she went to his house a couple of times. I didn’t sleep well whilst see was seeing him and it has certainly kickstarted a summer weight loss campaign.

She ended the relationship after few weeks realising that he was too intense. After a week of messaging her, he has now moved onto a girl in the year below.

Has anyone else been in this situation?
I’m on HRT. Normally I’m really sensible and balanced. My daughter is a good kid with decent friends and I trust her. I don’t know why I lost the plot over this!

It sounds as if your DD has handled the whole thing quite well. I'd just maybe have a chat with her about contraception again and leave it at that.

As for how you're feeling, I'm not sure if you'd get the most help in the teenage section or on the Menopause section

In the U.K. why is it so culturally accepted and normal that children will start having sex at these young ages like 15.

It's so baffling to me. There's no active discouragement just a "have a chat about contraception" without the reality of the potential emotional issues, health issues and obvious risk of pregnancy at that age

Well perhaps I should have put it better, my chat would include those things but I readies that I didn't make it clear.

Sooo glad you’ve said this. Agree 100%!!

Did it trigger/reignite a past trauma/experience for you? That could explain the intense visceral reaction.

Because, like it or not, teenagers have hormones & are going to have sex, whether they do it behind your back & unsafely or with an open communication, it’s going to happen. Preaching abstinence & forbidding it will not stop it. I think we should discourage our teenagers from doing it until ready & really talk about what that entails but, ultimately, if they’re going to do it I’d rather they were safe.

I don’t think the OP’s daughter necessarily had sex with him, given they went on one date?

I don’t think it’s any more accepted in the Uk than anywhere else. Most people wouldn’t want it happening till at least 16, preferably slightly later, but it is completely normal for teenagers to want to have sex. it’s a biological drive.

Anyway OP, you feel how you feel - it’s a good thing you kept it to yourself obviously. Just work through it slowly.

@ladykale

I agree, it shouldn't be so accepted. Having sex before 16 should be discouraged.

But if a rebellious teenager is adamant on having under age sex then that is what they will do and it is better for them to have knowledge on consent and contraception beforehand.

I imagine it would be incredibly hard having "insider knowledge" about the kid dating your kid. In a typical situation your daughter would know their boyfriend better than you and he'd get to present his polite game face to you.

It's a tricky dynamic if it's a kid at school and you have taught him, or hear colleagues in the staffroom complaining about him being a scrote, or are privy to private information about his behaviour/ home life or something. That would drive me scatty too!

Not particularly, though I can of course recall the intensity of my own teenage years. The teenager of 2023 has to experience the same issues as I did but with social media. That does alarm me as a professional and a parent.

She actually said that part of the reason why she finished the relationship was that she didn't want him to touch her. I suggested that perhaps it wasn't meant to be in that case and that the attraction was more one sided?

He was the one to approach her and she was flattered. Now he has moved onto a younger, very enthusiastic girl who has been Snapping pics of them having a cuddle together (her and the boy). It's a minefield out there.