Getting 4 year old to sleep independently instead ofco-sleeping

[CarnelianArtist]

Hi,
I'd welcome some advice on how I go from 4 year old bed sharing to sleeping independently in a gentle way. He's on board with the 'idea' but I have some practical questions.

No judgement please remember if you don't like my situation please value my question about changing it.

So DC has a queen mattress so I could share (we got it when he was one). OH sleeps in main bedroom.

So last night I tried sleeping in main bedroom but DC woke up asking for me twice, then wet the bed, then to avoid a rush changing sheets I put him in my bed.

Questions:

• what do you do to minimise bed wetting? He seems unable to get himself up to wee. If I'm there he wriggles so I help him up.

• how do you get them to go to toilet in the night? He takes himself in day but too groggy and he thinks it's dark even with hall light on.

• If they call you in the night what do you do? Settle them? Ignore them? I wanted him to at least get up and find me.

Thanks everyone.

Hi!

So every child is different.

Both of mine I have trained by trying not to give them water since like 1 hr before bedtime (winter) and 30 minutes before (summer). Then i shower them, have them do a wee in the shower, then after dressing up/story time again little. Right before going to bed myself at around 11 p.m. I lifted them up from their bed...no talking, no light, no looking into their eyes.....just put them in the toilet to wee...and whispered wee wee...they would wee...then back to bed. Then after about 6 months of doing that I tried not doing it (the 11 p.m. taking them). Had maybe 3 accidents in 6 months, then all done no more accidents.

But please remember and don't stress yourself or listen to other mums or compare you DC to others.

Being able to control their bladder isn't something they can 100% control during the day/night(you can try and help) but it is dependent on a hormone called antidiuretic hormone, or ADH, causes the body to make less wee at night. But some people's bodies don't make enough ADH, which means their bodies may make too much wee while they're sleeping. So do not feel bad, don't listen to people saying
Your child should be doing x or y...he or she will do it when they are ready.

Hope it helps.

Thanks, that's helpful, much appreciated.

What do you do if they wake in the night for a hug? When we cosleep he wakes up a lot but just hugs me. Its very cute but obviously if I want him to sleep in his own bed what can I do? How can I get him to at least wait until say 3am.

Yes, lift to the toilet for a late night wee as suggested by pp. Also make up the bed so you have minimal effort in case of accidents: first a waterproof mattress protector then a sheet then a smaller mattress protector/ disposable changing mat and then another sheet. Usually if they wet the bed you can pull off the top sheet and the smaller protector or disposable and chuck in the bath and quick rinse and bin disposable, and put DC straight back to bed - no getting sheets out of the cupboard. Deal with laundry in the morning.

Unfortunately there is no easy way to do it and it comes down to how thick skin you can be in regards to your child's crying/needing you during the night. I personally would suggest getting a night light and maybe leaving the door cracked (if they are afraid of the dark).
If they just want to know you are there start by staying in the room in a chair near their bed but no touching. Then close to the door (farther)/no touching just for reassurance. Then slowly/at their pace work around your DC. get yourself outside the room in the same chair but be sure to stay there in case they call you/get out of bed to check....until eventually one day they will begin to go to sleep without needing the reassuring and you will have done it. I won't tell you it's easy nor fast can take a few months but perseverance is key.

He wanted to sleep by himself and actually fell asleep with me sitting at the end of the room. It was his idea.

I put the hall light on. He says he can't see but I think it's easy to see with that light but he does have very good blackouts. Would you suggest more light?

But at midnight he then wanted a hug. Would you just ignore? You don't know until you get there if they need to loo? Sorry if thats a stupid question. I just have no idea so just checking.

Also my husband doesn't deal well with being woken up, he gets really grumpy and annoying so lots of noise wouldn't work well.

I'm definitely not thick skinned, I can ignore whining but not full on upset. Equally he's getting too big for bed sharing!

Yes, I'd say more light ...it's summer Crack the blinds so DC can feel enough light....

I always go and check...it could be nothing but it could be they are thirsty, have a fever, hit their head whilst rolling around in their sleep, nosebleed, rhey are hot, need to wee, etc....better safe than sorry

If it is a hug...I give mine a big hug and kiss, tell them I love them and mummy is always right there when they need me to come back to check on them (reassures you will come back you haven't just dissappeared)

My husband is the same...however when I told him I wanted my son to train to sleep alone...and eventually the other .....i explained the importance and he was on board. BUT when it came to it he complained about sleep and what not...so I sent him to sleep in the sofa for a few weeks so the boys waking up at night would not bother him...and I myself used our old baby monitor (which has video) so I could straight away see if I needed to go...or speak to them through the monitor or go in the room

Makes sense!

Last night was better. He settled himself with me at the end of the room .

I took him to the loo when I went up at 9:30 (I sleep early). Then he slept alone until 3:30. After that I gave up and went into his bed.

I've concluded he won't take himself to the loo at night. I've not heard of any 4-5 year olds doing that.

I think we'll do it like this for a bit as it's a lot of progress then move to the suggestion of seeing what's the matter but saying to stay by himself in his bed.