I feel like a bad momma to my 4yo, bad thoughts and pregnancy

[Amiokaythough]

I always try to be the best momma I can be to my 4yo boy, spending as much time as I can with him having fun making beautiful memories.

Last week my son begged me to watch minecraft videos on Youtube, stupidly I agreed, I have parental controls on but they didnt help. I popped away for 10 mins to take a work call (just to the kitchen) when I returned I saw some god awful horrible horror sonic on his tablet with blood, gore and a knife. I explained to him this is not nice and scary, also not real life. I cried to myself and since that day i have been monitoring him to the point its making me physically sick i cannot eat. He brought it up to my sister the day he saw it and she explained the same its not real and hugged him.

Hes been okay im himself although I have noticed hes been tossing and turning more. I am motified im a shit mom i know but im also 10 weeks pregnant and having awful thought about how hed be better off without me because im so bad. I fucked up badly. How can i look after 2 if i cant even protect one?

Ofcourse i shouldnt have let him watch minecraft on youtube and did not expect that to come on. It breaks my heart hes seen that 😪 ive thought about leaving him with his dad and just disappearing, its really hurt me hard.

Im worried for him, many people would say he will forget it but i hate horror i dont even watch it myself. It stains your brain.

My heart hurts so badly. Anyone else had this or am i the only one whos thos micj of a failure?

I do think you need to step back and get some perspective here. Do you honestly think that any child would be better off without their mother, than having seen one scary video? Of course not, that would be absolute madness.

What do you mean it stains your brain? It might stay with him and spook him, he might have dreams about it etc but it hasn't stained his brain, it's just perhaps frightened him. He will be fine. Most kids will have an experience like this at some point and they will still grow up to be fine.

I don't honestly think I should leave but in the moment of my brain blaming me and saying im bad I do want to, I think being pregnant and all the worry is pushing me to a point mentally.

Ive always felt horror movies stay with us and effect us and maybe thats why i feel so strongly about it.

I apprecate your input and think I am just in a state of panic and worry.

You can't control everything they see in life and wrap them in bubble wrap 24/7. I was with my DS yesterday, walked out of the doctors and we saw someone get hit by a car. You explained to him it's not nice and not real life. This is parenting... Guiding them. I think being pregnant may be making this seem worse for you. Do you have other worries about being pregnant that maybe manifesting itself in this? He'll be fine. he's got a great mum looking out for him.

It was an accident, you did not know it could happen but now you do it will not happen again. You will have things like this throughout with your dc, things you cannot predict them hearing or seeing. We all do our best but sometimes you just have to deal with it. It sounds as if you managed it really well so cut yourself some slack and move on.