My toddler is draining me

[bingo876]

Please help 😩

My 20 month old never stops crying. She's been like this since day dot.

She only does it at home or with me, she's fine at nursery, when left with grandma etc.

She just cries and cries. If I hold her she's fine, if I put her down she cries. If I give her food she's happy, eats it for a few minutes then starts throwing it and crying. If I leave her to play whilst I pop to the loo she cries. She cries in the car unless she's asleep. She cries if she's in the pram and I stop pushing her along for a moment. She cries if I walk 30 cm away from her. Supermarkets are hell as she screams the whole way round. It annoys her 7 yr old brother, it makes me impatient and snappy.

I know it's the peak of separation anxiety but she's ALWAYS been like this.

We tried cutting out dairy and other allergens, give calpol for teething, give her lots of toys and stimulation, she sleeps well at night, cuddles throughout the day, lots of attention.

What am I doing wrong? My first wasn't like this. I can't get anything done at home, I have anxiety going out with her, it's so draining and depressing. 20 months of someone crying and wailing in my ear is breaking me.

@bingo876 I am not entirely in the same situation but there are parts I do understand. My DD is 17mo and she has always been a crier since day dot, now into the tantrums throwing herself on the floor style but many of my mum friends toddlers who are of the same age just were not like this at all, a lot of them were and still are always happy and content. I've found it really hard to not compare and I get why you are close to breaking.

How is she communicating? My DD isn't speaking as such but she can say some words and point to things etc which has helped a 'little'. You aren't doing anything wrong at all, some kids are just different. I think when it's not your first that must make it more stressful too. My DD is my first and its definitely impacted on my thoughrs of having another. Praying your DD she will come out of it sooner and chill out as she grows. Do you have any support at home xx

I think some kids are just sensitive and intense personalities genetically tbh OP. I know that is of no help but maybe reassurance that you haven't caused this and there isn't anything you can do to change their personality? My DD is like this too. It was so so difficult. She's 5 now and the difference between her and her 1 yo DB is crazy. He certainly has his moments and he's very bored and cries quite a lot at home so I wouldn't say he was a chilled or 'easy' baby or toddler but still massively easier than she was. Even now so much of the time it's her who is having a meltdown or causing a problem whilst her little brother is playing or waiting patiently or whatever and she's the eldest!

I never even felt able to take her food shopping tbh at that age cos she would just scream too. We did online food shopping or me or DH went alone.