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How to tell DC it's ok to not want to go to a party?

10 replies

23Elfie · 20/06/2023 21:20

At least I think that's what this is anyway...

DC is in year 4 so kids all turning 9. One child birthday is right at the end of August and their mum sent a text today inviting DC to their party which is an afternoon tea kinda thing, hot tub, movie and sleepover. Starts at 2pm.

Although DC has known child since they were 2 and at nursery, they've never had a play date, not heard DC say they've played with this child much over the years and I've probably spoken to the mum maybe 5/6 times in 7 years, mainly just a hello in the playground. DC did go to this child's party in reception class (whole class invited and parents stayed).

When I told DC I'd got the text they wasn't that bothered about going, I'd straight up said no to the sleepover but said maybe they could go for the afternoon, but as the day has gone on they've over thought it and I think now feel bad for saying they don't fancy it.

Dc is supposed to also be with my friend that day and her kids as we do a child care swap in the holidays - something I think she would prefer to the party.

How do I get a straight answer from her? If she really wanted to go for a bit I could work it out, however if she wanted to come home I don't think she'd feel comfortable telling this child's mum and she don't have a mobile phone yet to call me.

I don't mind if she don't go or just for the pm but I don't want to leave the mum hanging even though it's 2 months away as I think that's a bit out of order.

I am a flapper with things like this sometimes and like DC hate feeling like I might upset someone so I try my best not to let this rub off on her.

Any advice?

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DustyLee123 · 20/06/2023 21:23

That’s a very long day for any kid, from 2pm and overnight. I’d definitely not be doing that.
Make sure yours isn’t being pressured by others to say yes.

23Elfie · 20/06/2023 21:30

Yeah I thought that too and thought the mum must have the patience of a saint!

I said to DC if you don't want to go I'll just message back and thank them for the invite but say something like we already have plans etc so it won't hurt the child's feelings.

Selfishly, it would be much easier for me if she don't go and stays with my friend as I won't be panicking about her feeling uncomfortable. She's not the most confident and this time two years ago she was seeing CAHMS for anxiety which has got miles better but I don't want to go back to her having panic attacks and not sleeping etc x

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travelingtortoise · 20/06/2023 21:30

Plan for just the afternoon and expect to pick up at the end of the afternoon.

Go with overnight things in the car - if DC then wants to stay on, let them, but give them a physical 'out' if they don't.

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coodawoodashooda · 20/06/2023 21:48

I'd lie and make up a reason why it wasn't possible

23Elfie · 20/06/2023 21:53

coodawoodashooda · 20/06/2023 21:48

I'd lie and make up a reason why it wasn't possible

This is what I'm thinking. As she's with my friend I might just say she's booked them tickets to a theme park/ zoo or something.

I'd hate someone to say that they wasn't keen on their child coming to my child's party at home, but then again I wouldn't invite those who's parents I have barely spoken to to sleepover at mine at age 9?

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Positive41 · 20/06/2023 22:04

I am not keen at all on sleepovers so that would instantly be a no. You do not really know this mother/kids don't play. Everyone has their own plans over summer and parents should understand this. I wouldn't say your child already has plans, as its so far away I personally wouldn't believe it, unless you said you are away at that time. I personally would say thanks for the invite but DC cannot make it. I hope birthday child has a lovely day. And leave it at that.

WandaWonder · 20/06/2023 22:10

I would really make sure they don't want to go then just say sorry can't make it hope everyone has great party though

It doesn't need to be more complicated

23Elfie · 20/06/2023 22:33

Thank you. Yes I agree an 'excuse' wouldn't be the best course of action and agree maybe just a thank you but can't make it would be better.
I said to DC to sleep on it and we'll try to let the mum know tomorrow or something.

For further context my DC birthday is at the weekend and she didn't choose this child to come to her party (only 12 kids coming) just her usual gang and 2 cousins x

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TeenDivided · 21/06/2023 07:19

Can you flip it round?

Say to DC that unless they tell you they are keen to attend then you'll decline it with an excuse?

23Elfie · 21/06/2023 14:43

TeenDivided · 21/06/2023 07:19

Can you flip it round?

Say to DC that unless they tell you they are keen to attend then you'll decline it with an excuse?

I've spoken to DC's friends mum who has said she's not keen so has declined the invite. I've also now had another mum text me and say is DC going to X party.

I've decided to say to DC after school are you desperate to go, P isn't going (one of DC besties) so it's time to decide and see what she says. I think if P isn't going she might not want to go anyway x

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