6 year old football - should we persevere

[Plink21]

My DS1 is in Y1 has just turned 6 a few weeks ago. For context, whilst he makes friends easily (going to the park), he struggles a bit socially at school. For some reasons he is a lot more shy in a school setting (has been like this since nursery). It has taken him till summer term this year to make closer boys friends at school (he usually prefers girls).

So my query is football. A lot of the kids in his school class attended a Saturday football class from reception age - and the boys in particular play a lot of football at school and are quite good, and seems to be creating a bit of a split. You play football or you don't. DD1 didn't want to go to that particular Saturday football class - but we found another drop in one 6 months ago that none of his school mates went to (in the last couple of months 3-4 kids from his school have moved over to it).

My issue is - whilst he has asked to go to this football class (and never complains about it)- he really isn't that engaged. All the other kids in this football class have suddenly got more engaged overall and enthusiastic/quicker c with the ball. And whilst DS1 says he enjoys it when prompted, he doesn't seem to (to my mind) to have much enthusiasm at all when there. He is very lethargic when dribbling the ball, will lie down, and whilst he chases the ball when they are playing football game, he doesn't ever touch the ball.

I think football is a great equaliser, and a great skill to have for boys socially. And as he said he wanted to attend the class I recently got him a a couple of 1-2-1 football coaching sessions for him - as I thought the problem might be that he doesn't know what he is doing (he'd not that keen when me or his dad have tried to initiate football with him). And I suppose the coaching is slowly helping with skills, but he still doesn't show much enthusiasm (though he is still asking to go). I think he would like it a lot more if he attended with a good friend, but the couple of boy friends he has made at school aren't (yet) into football.

He hasn't asked to stop - but will enthusiasm come? Should I just suggest moving onto another thing?

(He also does other classes such as kickboxing, swimming - which he likes).

Sorry for the long read. Any advice? I mean obviously other than I should just back off at let it be - which I kinda know! 😝

As you say, football is currency on the playground and yes if he’s happy to go then I’d keep up with it.
I think rugby is a much better team sport but it’s still worth being able to kick a ball around.
is he just going because he thinks you want him to?
Swimming is great and will ensure he has the stamina for plenty of other sports

My experience with both my boys is that it didn't get better. They never really got into it and with one it turned into bullying by the more able team mates who got frustrated with him. We wish we had moved on sooner as both boys found other sports they excelled at and one ended up at county level. There are plenty of other teams and sports he can try out

Yeah I wouldn’t encourage him to join a team if he’s not very enthusiastic but keep up with the Saturday drop in sessions

My 8 year old is the same with football.
He's not naturally skilled at it and is really small for his age and can't get into the actual teams, but he says he enjoys it. He goes to weekend training sessions, but I think we will stop these next year.
He started cricket this year and he absolutely loves it and is much better at it. Hes in a team, has made good friends etc. Its such a nice supportive environment for the children, the parents are less competitive and 'edgy'(!) and he fits in much better. So definitely consider other sports!

Hi Viaminbees. To your query 'is he just going because he thinks you want him to?'. Do you know what - that could be a good point. I'm trying not to be pushy - but he might subtly see them I'm trying to encourage it (just moreso so it helps him socially).

Ugh I need to back off.

Football tends to be ultra competitive. Very few "teams" want people of a lesser standard. Sadly, it's often not about the fun of taking part, it's very much all about winning, and anyone who isn't of high ability will be seen as dragging the team down.

Such a shame. Lots of kids just want an informal game, basically a kick-about but playing "properly". Very few places do that for youngsters.

My son loves football, watching it, playing it, but never found anywhere to do it just for fun, as he's not good enough to play "real" games, even though he's very enthusiastic etc.

At Uni, he joined the "football for fun" club. All the "proper" teams, and even the college teams were very competitive with inter-college matches/leagues etc. The "fun" club was marketed as non competitive etc., but he only went a few times, as even that wasn't "fun" at all - they even had referees and linesmen! It was well over-subscribed, so only 22 could play, which meant they still ended up with picking the best 22 and the others were just stood around as "substitutes" sometimes getting a chance to play a bit, but mostly not. Over the 10 weeks of the first term, he got on the pitch about 3 times, for maybe 5-10 minutes.

Sadly "team" sports really seldom work for kids who aren't very good at it. I'd definitely recommend finding non-team sports/fitness activities.

It’s a tricky one because tbh you do get a bit left out if you don’t like football. Having said that, if he really doesn’t enjoy it he’s not going to get better. If you really want to persevere I would try to encourage his enjoyment rather than his actual skills. Play in the garden with him, set up challenges ( there’s loads in YouTube to give you ideas. Watch it on tv and get excited when your team scores etc. A lot of the fun of football is about the camaraderie and passion so you’d need to really tap into that.

Is there a multi sports club near you where they’ll do some football but alongside other stuff so there’s not the competitive pressure

Team games are important for socialisation but it doesn't have to be football. Has he tried cricket or tag rugby?

I had one that liked football and played in primary school teams, but quit at 10 because it was so competitive and some of the kids and their coaching dads were awful. Tried rugby but he was always getting injured. Swimming turned out to be his thing.

My younger one never liked football and never played. He tried several different sports but also settled into swimming - more for sociableness and fitness, he wasn’t as competitive as his big brother.

Football is a social currency at primary, but that tended to fall away at secondary when teams became even more competitive. Having said that, I think kids will find their tribe whether that’s football or something else.

I have two sons and the split you describe between football players and non football players in primary school is really common IME. But this needn't necessarily be a bad thing. Sometimes the group of non football players, even though it may seem like they initially became friends only because all the other boys were off playing football, become a good, close group of friends and have just as much fun together as the footballers. It sounds like this is happening with your son? (You mention that his closest friends at school aren't into football.)

I think you should keep going to the drop-in class while he wants to, but no pressure and definitely drop the 1-2-1 lessons.

He’s very young, I would keep him going and see how it goes. It’s much harder to get into once he’s older if he hasn’t had the experience when younger. My son used to be dragged along at that age but now is devastated if his games are cancelled at aged 10.

DS liked a kick about but never really enjoyed properly playing football, there was a football boys clique at Primary but DS found his own tribe and wasn’t bothered.
It’s been similar at Secondary but he has found another sport he loves and all his friends play so he’s pretty happy.
To be honest (and I know it’s not always the same) in both cases the boys who formed the football cliques wouldn’t have been my preference for his friends group - they weren’t/aren’t the nicest, most inclusive bunch of boys

I think that this is the age where it becomes obvious who is practicing at home in their free time, talking football and watching matches and videos irl or on tv and the internet .

I have heard that around year 3 it becomes properly competitive team matches. If kids aren't good enough to stay then they are encouraged to find another team.

It sounds like your son has other sports that he's more keen on. Football is massive in the playground and if your son is attending a very small school then it can be problematic but if he's friends with other non-football players then that's fine imo.

My DH tried to get DD into football and although she liked to kick the ball around she wasn't that into being in a team. She prefers solitary sports and pastimes. She has friends, one plays county cricket, others play football, but they don't play sports together.

Thanks all! Much appreciated. Very helpful insight on the bigger picture and what is to come.

I suppose I was just wondering if it would suddenly click in place (as people keep on telling me it will!). DS1 is a bit silly/fun in nature - and these football classes aren't really that. DS1 can also be a bit of a slow burn, and not naturally into any form of group sport classes/activities. He wasn't into kickboxing or swimming when he started, and it was a real slog for the first month, but we persevered as I know he can be a slow burn in these situations, and now he LOVES both. But I suppose these activities (at this age) aren't hugely competitive hence the good fit.

But with the football drop-in classes - we've been going for 5 months now, and it hasn't clicked and was wondering whether a couple days at a football summer camp (if I could find one that a friend of his was attending) might help with that hurdle. BUT I'm going to back off now. And appreciate this is unlikely to be 'his sport'. I'll still take him to the Saturday football drop in (until/unless he says otherwise).

I think that football is less likely to suddenly 'click' than other activities, simply because so many boys are SO keen on it and spend a lot of their free time playing or watching it. So it gets harder and harder for a less keen kid to catch up.