Self-harm disclosure... do I tell mum?

princesscaraboo · 2023-06-19T16:56:27+00:00

So today one of my dd's friends disclosed that she has been self-harming and wants to run away. Dd reported it to the safeguarding lead at school and they said they would call me (they haven't) as dd was very distressed. They also said that they wouldn't tell the mother until they ascertain how serious it is. Now I'm in a quandary as to whether I should speak to her first? I know the mum enough to say hi in the street but don't have contact details- although I'm sure I could find out on social media.

bellalou1234 · 19/06/2023 18:11

That's a hard one.. do you know the mum? If it was Mt dd I would want to know. Hope your dd is OK too.

bellalou1234 · 19/06/2023 18:13

Sorry just reread about the mum

Nothingbuttheglory · 19/06/2023 18:19

I'd expect school to inform the parents. Give them a chance - it's been a few hours.

Original poster

princesscaraboo · 19/06/2023 18:19

It's so hard! I think I might wait and see if they call me tomorrow, it was too late by the time dd came out of her club and she told me.

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Bearpawk · 19/06/2023 18:20

Chase up with school - they should inform parent

bossybloss · 19/06/2023 18:23

I know that as a Mum, I would like to know.However you don’t know what the relationship between Mum and daughter is like. My opinion is to leave it up to the school to decide what to do as they will have experience in this. The girl may not disclose any more if she feels you have broken her confidence.

Quitelikeit · 19/06/2023 18:24

You shouldn’t worry at all. The safeguarding lead is there to do this exact job. Leave it to the school - also they won’t tell you a thing about it due to gdpr

Superdupes · 19/06/2023 18:26

I would not do this myself with a mum I barely knew. Let the school handle it and chase them if you don't hear from them tomorrow.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 19/06/2023 18:27

I would let the school do their job and investigate it themselves. They could well be party to multiple facts about this child that you're unaware of. There could be any number of reasons why you shouldn't be getting involved in that child's case or speaking to the mother yourself once the safeguarding lead has been informed. For all you know, the child could be miserable with an awful homelife and could already be on the school's radar, perhaps the mum is the cause of the misery, or the mum's partner or ex is and social services are already involved. Perhaps school know the family well because the kid is a mixed-up kid and prone to attention-seeking or being overly dramatic. Perhaps the child parrots things she has heard others say without realising the impact of what she's saying.

Leave it to the experts. And give them a couple of days to deal with it before you phone to discuss with head of year or similar, about the effect of the disclosure on your own daughter. Safeguarding in schools can sometimes take a bit of time to unravel.

DanceMumTaxi · 19/06/2023 18:27

Contact the schools safe guarding lead. They’ll talk to the child and then speak to mum. It’s their job and they’ll know how to handle it,

Original poster

princesscaraboo · 19/06/2023 19:04

CurlyhairedAssassin · 19/06/2023 18:27

I would let the school do their job and investigate it themselves. They could well be party to multiple facts about this child that you're unaware of. There could be any number of reasons why you shouldn't be getting involved in that child's case or speaking to the mother yourself once the safeguarding lead has been informed. For all you know, the child could be miserable with an awful homelife and could already be on the school's radar, perhaps the mum is the cause of the misery, or the mum's partner or ex is and social services are already involved. Perhaps school know the family well because the kid is a mixed-up kid and prone to attention-seeking or being overly dramatic. Perhaps the child parrots things she has heard others say without realising the impact of what she's saying.

Leave it to the experts. And give them a couple of days to deal with it before you phone to discuss with head of year or similar, about the effect of the disclosure on your own daughter. Safeguarding in schools can sometimes take a bit of time to unravel.

I do know that this is real, dd said she she showed her and it was quite horrific.
I know why she's done it too - there are no nefarious reasons.

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