We live in my husband's country (not UK), my sons have a close relationship with their grandmother here but she divorced her husband (DH's father) before the grandkids were born and their grandfather had a difficult relationship with his children. For several years I was quite fond of him but he became increasingly unreliable and manipulative and financially a burden as a result of lies he told. (all complicated and the details not relevant to this discussion). For a period when our children were small he stayed in a granny flat on our property but never forged a close bond with our sons, even when he has visted since then. In the last 3 years he has stayed close by or with my sister in law who also has a complicated relationship with him, but has helped care for him. (we have helped her financially to do this). About 18 months ago he stayed with us again for a couple of months to give her a break and he and my husband fought a great deal, the relationahip was clearly irrevocably broken and the stress sent my husband to A&E. Since then we have called to say hello, how are you, our children have called for birthdays etc but we have had limited contact. It is a lifetime of him being a poor father basically and my husband made his peace with it and moved on, concentrating on our family.
His father is now terminally ill and has taken a definite turn for the worse the last week and it is probably only a couple of weeks before he dies.
He is with my sister in law and we are contributing to care for him. My husband will go to support his sister if she needs him but has said his goodbyes to his father a long time ago.
I am not sure how to explain it to my sons. They have strong relationships with their grandmother here, who lives locally to us and with their grandparents in the UK. Next week me and the boys are flying to the UK for a much overdue family reunion and they chat to their grandparents regularly. I know I need to explain that he is dying but am concerned that they will feel bad for not feeling more sad and feel conflicted for feeling excited about seeing thier UK family. For many years I tried to encourage a relationship but he spent very little time with them even when he was here with us. They are 9 and 12 and loving boys. Any tips on the best ways to talk them through it.