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Original poster

Husband feels rejected as kids don't even wish him a happy day

22 replies

susan1984r · 19/06/2023 16:48

we got 2 kids 12 and 13, one boy one girl, they knew it was fathers day. Husbands brother got children same age and they took him out to a restaurant. the cousins are great friends and they had yapped about it couple days ago. l also reminded them to at least draw a card or something for their dad, they simply acknowledged with a negative tone, eyes rolling. Their father is very loving and often ask them how they are doing, being proactive, but they are quite dismissive. he is still positive in attitude but inside he must be hurt. any suggestions to make him feel more wanted?

OP posts:
lalalalalalaleeee · 19/06/2023 16:49

Tell your kids to grow up and stop being so selfish!

LolaSmiles · 19/06/2023 16:51

I think with mother's day and father's day the parents should decide the basic family approach for both events and facilitate their children doing something. (Eg if a meal out is your chosen level of celebration, help them choose and book. If your family approach is a card then the other parent should facilitate that).

I wouldn't view it as husband's brother's children appreciate him more than yours do your DH. I'd put money that your BIL's partner has been involved and not left 12/13 year olds to sort it all themselves.

tacomaco · 19/06/2023 16:53

I wouldn’t allow my kids to behave like that firstly. Why couldn’t you have given them
money to get a card or got one and a token gift. It need not have cost a lot. I feel for him.

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GandTtwice · 19/06/2023 16:53

What do they do for mother's day? Is it very different? If so could you speak to them about why they didn't do anything for their dad and how it might make him feel. At that age they are old enough to understand but might need the obvious pointing out to them.
Also maybe you could take them to the shop to choose a card/ small gift to get them involved in the process

Rainraingoaway21 · 19/06/2023 16:54

At that age would you not still take them to the shops to buy something? Do they even have their own money? I wouldn't have thought to do much at that age without a nudge from my mum, didn't mean I didn't appreciate my dad though! I would say this was down to you really OP.

CindersAgain · 19/06/2023 16:55

I doubt the brother in law’s children arranged the taking out for lunch.

You should have insisted they did something for him.

Divebar2021 · 19/06/2023 17:01

Draw a card at 12 / 13? That seems a bit unrealistic. I took my DD11 to buy an aftershave for my DH and we chose one together. On the morning I was out so prompted her re tea making and present wrapping etc until I got home. I then cooked him breakfast on my return…. I’m pretty sure none of that would have happened without my chivvying.

Original poster
susan1984r · 19/06/2023 17:02

l am in another city and they 100s of miles away. He is looking after them. Kids do take him for granted, he'd do anything for them and they know it. on mothers day they did send me whatsapp greetings. how should hubbie deal with it. just let it be and carry on positive or talk to them about it?

OP posts:
PoachedEd · 19/06/2023 17:04

You should both talk to them. How are they generally- all well at school etc?

Do you live separately?

GandTtwice · 19/06/2023 17:05

I would still expect them to need encouragement even though you're in another city perhaps more so because of that.
Do they have their own money and the means to get to a shop without their dad?

I don't think it's something he should address with them - it should be you to start with

Original poster
susan1984r · 19/06/2023 17:07

they did draw birthday cards for him about two years ago, now their attitude has gone negative, hubbie telling me when he says Good morning to kids, only son replies. daughter says nothing. after couple more polite gm repetitions, hubbie told me she replies, 'you know i dont want to speak to you!' hubbie is literally being disrespected and downtrodden

OP posts:
MushMonster · 19/06/2023 17:14

But.... why doesn't she want to speak to him?
I know teenagers can be rather horrid, but it is giving me bad vibes.
Talk to them as what is the issue between them?
Then, if nothing major to address, then talk to them about how they make him and yourself feel behaving like this.
I would dig deep though on the reasons they are showing him basic closeness/ respect.

MushMonster · 19/06/2023 17:15

They are not showing, sorry

LolaSmiles · 19/06/2023 17:24

hubbie telling me when he says Good morning to kids, only son replies. daughter says nothing. after couple more polite gm repetitions, hubbie told me she replies, 'you know i dont want to speak to you!' hubbie is literally being disrespected and downtrodden
This seems bigger than Father's Day.

Teens and pre teens can be moody, but either these children have a serious attitude problem and are being allowed to behave that way, or something has gone on to prompt this relationship being soured.

PineConesEverywhereIGo · 19/06/2023 17:31

Firstly, we have a tradition for birthdays and Mother's Day and Father's Day. So cards are presented to parent same with the children's birthdays too. That would continue whether I was there or not.

As to not speaking to their Dad, how fucking dare they. I never allowed my children to be monosyllabic or disrespectful. I made it very clear that the number of things I had done for them over the years meant they at least could be courteous to me and Dh. ie wave and smile every 20 seconds to demonstrate watching them on a fucking merry-go-round, listen to them drone on about shit tv shows all the while showing an interest because it interested them, listening to their shit makes no sense jokes, because I loved them.

At the ages they are I would wipe the floor with them and their behaviour. As for any favours, lifts, phones, access to tech, wifi etc why should they get that? Their behaviour doesn't warrant it. I assume they wish to start doing their own washing, shopping for their food and cooking their own dinners. Match their input into family life. At least suggest this at a family meeting and let them think about their attitude. They won't treat their friends this way so this is saved for home.

RedHelenB · 19/06/2023 17:58

At that age they could have bought/made a card. Mine always have done that as a minimum.

WeeOrcadian · 19/06/2023 18:04

I'm just here for the inevitable drop feed

RudsyFarmer · 19/06/2023 18:05

lalalalalalaleeee · 19/06/2023 16:49

Tell your kids to grow up and stop being so selfish!

I went for that tactic on Saturday night and it was very effective!

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 19/06/2023 18:10

The reason you haven’t read your daughter the riot act for her disrespect?

lalalalalalaleeee · 19/06/2023 18:11

@RudsyFarmer my 14 year old remembered on sat evening, took himself to the local shop and used the money he earnt painting my bosses fence to buy a card and chocolates.

AnyaMarx · 19/06/2023 18:36

I think until they have their own money then fathers/Mother's Day is down to the other parent .

Leaving a 12 and 13 year old to organise something is probably not going to result in a fuss being made .

memyselfi · 20/06/2023 09:14

They sent you WhatsApp greetings on Mother's Day ?
Didn't they see you?
I can't get my head round the set up here , are you separated?

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