Worrying about routine

[emnoneya]

My DD is turning 3 months in 3 weeks time and I'm stressing myself out about daytime naps and bedtime routines.
We trialled a bit of a nighttime routine where we started to try and get her into bed by 8:30 but it was very hit and miss as to whether it worked, some nights she went down to sleep and other nights she was either wide awake or ended up falling off to sleep and startling herself back awake again.
I've tried getting her to nap in the day but she goes through phases of either only napping on me which means I basically can't do anything while she sleeps on me or she lets me put her down and then wakes up around 10 minutes later.
Am I stressing myself out about this for no reason? My MIL told me it's very difficult to get them into a routine until they're at least 6 months and on solids, then they will pretty much get themselves into a routine but then I keep reading online about them needing to be in a routine at 3/4 months old.
At the moment she will fall asleep downstairs in the evening with us around 7:30/8, we bring her up to bed with us around 10/10:30, give her a bottle in bed with the lights off, a small red light on in silence and 99% of the time she's then down until 5am for her next feed. Then she will usually go back to sleep until 9am when we get up and start our day.

At the moment she will fall asleep downstairs in the evening with us around 7:30/8, we bring her up to bed with us around 10/10:30, give her a bottle in bed with the lights off, a small red light on in silence and 99% of the time she's then down until 5am for her next feed. Then she will usually go back to sleep until 9am when we get up and start our day.

So you have a routine that works perfectly well. What are you stressing about?

I think I put a lot of pressure on myself, I see mums online getting their babies in bed in their bedrooms for like 7/8pm and I feel like we should be trying to get her into her bed as well but she seems to prefer to be around us

Your baby is too young for that though. Babies should sleep alone until 6 months so just stick with what you're doing. It's perfect!

I have a 12 week old with very little routine. He naps whenever his big bro allows in the day/ when he is on me usually and then goes to bed whenever he feels like it 😂

I think it's more because when she's older I want to be able to get her into bed so me and my partner have a couple of hours to ourselves on an evening, and I didn't know if not having a routine now would make things harder to get her into routine when she's older!

It sound like you're doing a great job tbh and have some sort of routine for bedtime. It sounds very similar to the routine I had with DS when he was around 10 weeks (now 2.5).

When the time came, we didn't have any issue putting him to bed in his cot bed, with the baby camera on, around 6 months when we moved him to his own room.

Don't be so hard on yourself OP. I know it's hard, but try not to compare yourself to other Mums, especially what you see online. Most of the time it's not an accurate representation.

If what you doing at the moment is working for you just keep at it. Routines are mostly for the parents rather than the baby.

At that stage the only rough daytime routine we had was following a wake window of around 90 min and feeding after a nap. All my DD’s naps were either contact naps or pram naps until she was 8 months or so so that sounds pretty normal even if you have to forget about getting anything done.

We did start putting her down in her cot with the monitor for bedtime around 3 months as she became too overstimulated in the living room with lights and TV on and would scream the house down if she wasn’t in a dark quiet room. I know this is against SIDS advice but I was still so tired at that time i usually went to bed pretty soon after so she wasn’t on ger own for long.

At the moment she will fall asleep downstairs in the evening with us around 7:30/8, we bring her up to bed with us around 10/10:30, give her a bottle in bed with the lights off, a small red light on in silence and 99% of the time she's then down until 5am for her next feed. Then she will usually go back to sleep until 9am when we get up and start our day

I would have killed for this at 2 months old. If it isn’t broken don’t try and fix it, you’ll likely make things worse, not better. DS didn’t have a 7pm bedtime, ie going down in the cot at 7 until close to 1!

Your MIL is right, 6 months and you can really establish a decent daytime nap routine.
If you want your eve back, I have been bathing and feeding my 12wk old upstairs at 6:30/7 and putting her down. Then couple of hours downstairs alone with my husband (with her on the monitor) and up to bed at 9/10pm anyway for me as I’m tired lol! Have found this easier as have a 2yr old who had bath and bed at this time anyway so makes sense to do both. If your baby is falling asleep downstairs at 7, then why not do this upstairs perhaps.
I would follow some sensible nap gaps in the meantime, I found Care it Out/ Kerry Secker to be helpful on this - she’s on Instagram and has a website.

It would be very early for what you are aiming for. Yes, a couple of babies do that sort of routine but I don't think it's many.

That sort of earlyish bedtime tends to emerge more at 5 months onwards.