Am I the only one struggling?

[Geordiebabe85]

Ive got 2 DCs aged 11 months and an almost 3 year old. They were both IVF babies so very much wanted and longed for and I cannot imagine my life without them.
But oh my god it's hard.
The 11 month old still wakes 3 times a night for milk so I haven't slept more than 2 hours at a time for almost a year. I'm so far past exhausted. I have no energy to actually do anything with the kids and feel so guilty about being a crap mum and not stimulating them enough.
The 2 year old likes to push the boundaries and I feel like all I do somedays is tell her off.
My OH takes the view that I've got the boobs and he works full-time (I'm on mat leace for another month) so all wake ups are on me. I tell him I need a break and he says I get a break on the 2 days 2year old goes to nursery. After a complete breakdown yesterday when I wanted to just leave I told him I NEEDED a break today. Went upstairs for 2 hours and went back to two sobbing children and a grumpy husband. He then buggered off for an hour.
I seriously don't know how or if I can get through this. All I see is my friends and people on social media doing a great job and knowing exactly what they're doing.
Please someone tell me I'm not the only one who is struggling.

You’re not the only one struggling and no-one knows exactly what they’re doing. I know everyone says it but it’s worth repeating - social media isn’t an accurate reflection of people’s lives.

I have two DC (3 years and 7 months) and I absolutely live by the “everyone fed and nobody dead” mantra some days. Take your expectations and lower them. Some days the house is going to be a mess. Some days there will be too much television. You need to look after yourself so you can look after them.

See if you can find ways to build what you need into your day. Taking my two DC for long walks is currently replacing the exercise I don’t have time for (using a buggy board has been a game changer). Having a bath has become a group activity - it’s in no way as enjoyable as a quiet shower but it gets me clean.

I don’t want to comment on your DH without more information but maybe have a calm talk about how you’re feeling, how he’s feeling and and what could change. Even if you agree it’s nothing mutual venting can help with understanding. For one thing having the older one at nursery is great but looking after one instead of two isn’t the same as a break!

Of course you’re not the only one struggling. I have an almost 3 year old and a 5 month old and there are some incredibly hard days. Social media is a highlight reel and tells you nothing of what these people’s days are actually like.

I would strongly suggest trying to get out as often as you can manage. It keeps me sane. The days are so long and relentless when you’re at home thinking of ways to entertain them. Can you take them to a toddler group or similar? Even just a little wonder around town or the library breaks up the day.

It’s so disappointing how your husband doesn’t seem to understand the work involved here. Of course the days your toddler is at nursery don’t count as a break. I’ve been guilty of thinking that my two days where DD is at nursery are my ‘days off’ but I am still looking after my baby!! Your husband clearly doesn’t really appreciate what’s involved in looking after your children. Can you perhaps write him a letter explaining how you feel and chat about it once he’s read it? Sometimes writing things down makes things clearer and avoids things getting too emotionally charged.

Thank you. Love the "everyone's fed, no one's dead" approach!
I try to get them out as much as possible cos I just find it impossible to entertain them both inside all day.
Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone.

Thank you for replying. We try to go to a music class or similar at least once a week which helps.
Good idea about a letter for my husband. I do struggle to tell him how I feel so writing might be easier.