If you had PND for no1 did you get it again?

[WoolyAndYug]

We have one DD who is four and the love of my life. I was always sure she would be an only, absolutely 100% sure. I struggled so much in the first 2-3 years with terrible anxiety and depression and the sleep deprivation was torture. As she got older and more independent I began to feel like myself again and less trapped and now I'm shocking myself by wanting to think about giving her a sibling.

I'm 38 and worried about complications so feel it's now or never. Is it too old to try for DC2?

Also a huge concern would be developing PNA/ PND again as it was crippling. I was thinking that knowing the baby stage comes to an end may make it easier for me to cope with this time around but who knows.

Did anyone go for no2 and regret it because of the impact on their MH?

On reflection I believe o had undiagnosed pnd with baby number 1 - in lockdown and no professional support I slipped through the net.

Baby number 2 is now 8 months old and I can confidently say it has been a totally different experience.

Im so sorry for what you went through and the questions it has left you with. I'd recommend an independent debrief service with someone like @mixingupmotherhood - she deals with everything perinatal not just birth.

I hope you come to a decision you are comfortable with x

My experience exactly the same as pp. Baby in lockdown, undiagnosed pnd.

2nd baby, world's apart. Much better experience.

Sleep deprivation still a killer though!

With hindsight think I had PND with DC1 when I returned to work at 9 months. However I didn't have it with the next two DC's.

I had PND for both and it was really severe and untreatable in each case. It's really making me uncertain about trying for DC3. It's really nice to hear that PPs didn't have the same experience with both children though, it gives me hope.

I had PND with DC1 and DC2.

I was lucky, insofar as I responded really well to Sertraline (antidepressant) - I wish I’d acknowledged my PND with DC1 sooner because it would have saved me months of torment.

I was only really bad with DC2 for a handful of weeks before I went back into Sertraline.

I was still on Sertraline when I had DC3.

I stopped taking Sertraline when DC3 was a year old, and haven’t needed it since (DC3 is now 12).

No I didn’t get it for number 2 BUT it was only when I had him that I realised how wrong things had been the first time around.
I also felt very very guilty that I adored DS at first sight but it took a while with DD

I might have had it mildly with my first (6 months old when lockdown started), but had it severely with my second.

However, there were a few mitigating factors. DH makes chocolate teapots look positively useful during the newborn/young baby phase. I have no other local help. In his defense, once they're a year old, and more engaging, he gets much, much better. Severe sleep deprivation is a major trigger. I had bad weeks with DC1, but DC2 had bad months. Plus DC2 was (and still is) a much more difficult baby in general than DC1 was. I went onto Sertraline, which made a huge difference. Biggest difference was DC2's sleep improving. No longer waking every hour and not needing to sleep on me in the day was game changing. DC2 is 15 months old now, (usually) sleeps through the night, and while is still clingy at times quite happily goes to explore the world and play with his big sister.

I had PND and PNA with DC1. I did CBT which helped a bit. Poor sleep was a massive trigger. DC1 was a pretty good night time sleeper but I had insomnia because of the anxiety. I was really unsure about having another because of my mental health. I decided to have another and really regret it. I love them so much but if I could turn the clock back I would. I know CBT won't help this time and I won't take ADs. It's really hard to know if it is PND or I just really hate the baby stage. DC2 is an easier baby than DC1 in many ways but it is worse this time round as I felt so guilty for neglecting DC1 during my rough pregnancy and DC2s first 4 months. I miss spending time with DC1 so much and I feel like the relationship has changed and I will never get it back. My advice is don't do it. To yourself or your DC1.