Baby wont sleep unless being held

[KoalaMumma]

Our DS (7 weeks) will not sleep anywhere apart from in our arms. He has a bassinet, a bedside cot and a cotbed but wont sleep or even relax in any of them and just switches back and forth between fussing and screaming.

We have tried all of the standard recomendations: putting him down drowsy, putting him down awake, putting him down already asleep, dummy, no dummy, silent room, noisy room, white noise machine, bassinet in front of washing machine, swaddled, not swaddled, blanket, no blanket, light muslin as blanket, mobile, no mobile, warm room, cool room, bath before bed, item of mummys clothing in there for smell. Nothing works.

We have a family history of skeletal and spinal problems so one of the best ways to make sure he doesn't develop any problems in the future is for him to sleep on a firm matress now but we can't get him to at all.

Theres nothing wrong with him (food/nappy/wind) because as soon as you do pick him up he is fine and happy.

We thought it might be reflux but he will sleep fine in a laid back posision when in our arms, its just no good for his back.

We have tried leaving him thinking he will fall asleep eventually but right now his record for screaming to be hald is 3 hours because thats how long he has between feedings, then he has a change and more food and we put him down and he starts again. We have also tried the method of returning every 10 mins and the other of coo'ing and fussing him as he drifts off. He just doesn't. If I pick him up and cuddle him he is asleep in less than 90 seconds so he is clearly tired but we just don't know what to do next.

Any ideas?

I drove myself crazy trying to get DC to fall asleep by herself. In the end gave in to contact naps in the day and co-sleeping at night. In retrospect I'd have gone with this 'method' from the start because all my stressing didn't help at all. Easy to say now.

Babys need to be held. He's seven weeks.

We do spend about 14 hours a day cuddling and holding him and letting him nap on us. We have even tried making a firm flat surface out of foam play mats for him to sleep on on the floor so we can get on the floor next to him and cuddle around him whilst he sleeps so he knows we are there but he wants us physicaly under him.

Which as i said in the previous post, he needs because of his back problems. This isn't us wanting time with him on his own or just wanting him to sleep away from us.

The alternative to not being on a firm matress for at least 8 hours a day is multiple invasive and life changing surgeries when he is a teenager.

Did I just read that you let your 7 week old baby cry it out for 3 hours? 😢 He needs to be held, many babies this age are the same and there isn’t much you can do it about it unfortunately. Please don’t leave him to cry though, that is cruel especially at such a young age.

Has he been seen by a paediatrician and diagnosed with a back problem and told you need to sleep him on hard surfaces? Or are you trying to avoid things like scoliosis? Maybe the hard surface are uncomfortable. If you’ve been given this advice by a doctor go back to them, and if not maybe go and see someone and get proper advice.

He's not screaming crying for 3 hours. Hes just there wide awake making fussing or baby noises and playing with his hands for 3 hours (a coo or a squeal or grunt every 30 seconds or so).
He does start crying during the time he is down and we go to him as soon as the noise changes to actually crying (normally wants the dummy putting back in or his belly rubbing) and he stops actively crying and goes back to making noises and kicking.
But he's still not asleep

@KoalaMumma

Sorry- I must be misreading this, but it sounds as if you let a 7 week old baby scream for 3 hours. You can't have meant that-surely?

Yes we have ben told he needs the time on a flat surface every day. Scoliosis is one of the concerns but there is nerve and spinal cord deformations too that we need to try to mitigate.
We asked how long we are suposed to continue it for because we pointed out to them that as soon as he can roll over he might not stay on his back when asleep and they were useless and just said "oh well you have to just keep doing it"

See previous reply. Bad wording in original post.

@KoalaMumma Was the advice you got from a paediatrician?

"oh well just keep trying"

They absolutely useless.

What I would do is instead of trying to get him to sleep this way which clearly he isn’t ready to do just yet is to concentrate on plenty of time on his back at other points in the day. A couple of long pram walks each day and also time on a play gym or floor mat several times a day gradually building up. This is much more realistic for such a young baby.

I agree :) I have been trying this. The other day we did a 4 hour pram trip (becasue thats how long the trip to town and back took) which he is good/ok ish with. We just had to be very careful about overheating with the weather as it has been this week.

Our 4 hour trip kinda worked but we aren't sure how to occupy his other 'back time' hours (like the oposite of tummy time in our house) We actually have a clock running as to how much tme he has spent on his back a day so we know as soon as he has finished and we can pick him up and play/cuddle.

-that sounds like we are trying to make his 8 hours consecutive. We arent. But if he completes 8 hours in little chunks and its only 6pm then we get exited because we know we dont have to worry about it for at least the next 2 feeds and we can just enjoy and cuddle him.

He's too young to care about toys bobbing over his head or games or anything like that.

Can you see another doctor who can help you with some other strategies to help his back? The advice you’ve had already sounds useless and also like they’ve never met a baby before.

Unfortunately some babies just won’t sleep on a flat surface and need to be held during the fourth trimester. They’re used to the comfort of being all squished up in your tummy and suddenly they’re in the very big world and are seeking that comfort again.

It’s an awful lot of pressure to be put on you to get them to do something they’re just not ready to do at seven weeks.

I’d honestly try and see a more helpful medical professional. They’re very unfair expectations that have been put on you.

We would like to. And have tried and requested. But with the waiting time on them he will be 5 or 6 months befroe they will get round to seeing him. It took them more than 5 weeks for something as simple as 'a severe tongue tie effecting feeding' to be seen.

And unfortunately we know the advice is consistant because other fmaily members in other parts of the country (diff hospiatals and trusts) facing the same risks were given the same advice almosgt word for word. Their babies would sleep on their backs though so haven't got any advice for what to do when they wont.

Its even more anoying because I love him sleeping curled up on me. I was so worried all pregnancy that I didn't know how to bond with a baby and watching him sleep or climb on me makes me all gushy and loved up with him. We have a sling so i can wear him too thinking we would both love that (and we did when it was cooler) but its just too warm for him in this weather to have body heat AND fabric wrapping over him.

It's so hard but your baby is tiny and needs to be held a lot. They aren't yet developmentally able to self soothe until they're MUCH older.

Please read other comments re reasons why

Cosleep safely, then he'll be lying on your mattress.

Are you breastfeeding?

He still wont settle because he hasn't got us under him. He's just as unsettled and upset on our matress as in his own beds.

And yes I'm trying to breastfeed, but his tonue tie when he was born was so severe he couldnt latch properly and wasn't getting enough. To make up for it i pumped for him and just let him suck on me when possible even though he cound't realy get anything out on his own. Now his tongue tie has been cut he can feed properly when he wants too, but he got so used to the bottle its not always successful. He has maybe 1 or 2 successful breastfeeds a day and always needs a small top up from my stash of pumped milk in the fridge. The rest he refuses to latch on and after a while of trying he ends up too fussy and fighting for it so we end up giving him a bottle of it.

Have you tried BF lying down? Even if it's just for a nap. If he will latch and at least suckle, it may give him the comfort to doze off.

I literally hold my 4.5 month old for 22 hours a day, unless my other half is holding her. It's what you signed up for. Get a sling.

Also 7 weeks can be the start of so-called colic crying. Mine was inconsolable from 7-13 weeks ish. We got through it and so will you! She's a different baby now.

Yeah. Its actually one of our favourite positions. But because he needs a bottle top up after the feed he diesnt drop off and gets frustrated.

I'd love to hold him for 22-24 hours a day. Hes all cute and cuddly when I do. Read previous comments as to reasons why not.

I'm not a doctor but I do think you need to seek a second opinion. What's happening now is obviously not good for anyone involved. And it just seems that all the movement and flailing about that must happen when he is on his firm mattress must be as bad for his spine as sleeping peacefully on you.