Cried twice already this morning

[Courtne]

My soon to be 18mo is non stop tantrums for me

he goes to grandparents 1 day a week, nursery the other 4 (working week) and they don’t say he tantrums and I’ve even asked they say nothing to report or note? The odd one if a child takes a toy off him etc but rare

when I’m with him I feel like it’s non stop
weve been up 2 hours I’ve cried twice this morning

it’s non stop I feel like from the second he’s with me he’s crying screaming throwing kicking etc

m he can’t say sentences yet and can say a few words not loads and I try my best to understand I really do but I broke down today

im 9 weeks pregnant so a bit emotional and now terrified thinking how can I possibly do this I’m struggling now??

please tell me it eases off I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around him atm

Ps - DH works away. He’s back mid day today so that’s why he’s not been here this morning

DH does see it and understand, but when he’s had him alone he’s fine for him and doesn’t really tantrum?

You're his safe space. He tantrums with you because he trusts you and unfortunately that means he will take his stress and emotions out on you.

My little boy is similar. He is 2 but the tantrum phases come and go, he is just coming out of a phase now. He is a great talker and it frustrates the life out of me that he will tantrum about something before even using his words and talking to me about it / telling me what he wants - those are the ones I struggle more with! I can understand the ones that he has when I say no etc.

The only tips I have are talk to him about everything. Explain everything in a really calm manner, as hard as that is! I sit my boy on my lap and say "are you ready to listen?" He will of course say no and continue to tantrum. I hold him on me (within reason, he's not being hurt or restrained) and just keep saying "we're going to sit here until you're ready to listen" and eventually (most times anyway) he'll stop crying and say "ready". Then I'll explain what happened or why he can't do something. Sometimes he is so far gone past listening, the only thing to do is to distract- he loves being outside, so I'll pick him up and walk around the garden and show him the plants, birds etc, it calms him.

Don't be afraid to step away for a moment if you need to, if he is safe where he is, crying isn't going to harm him, so I will try and take a minute before I do or say something to him I regret.

I need to keep him from being bored. Being out and about really helps, it's like he gets cabin fever at home! He's at nursery 4 days and all they ever have are glowing reports of him - when I asked how his tantrums are they looked at me as if I had 2 heads!

Pick your battles. For example Getting my little boy to eat can be a battle, if there's something more fun in the garden, he refuses to eat. However if I know he's eaten well at nursery, or he had a good lunch etc, I'll not force him to eat. Hes not gojng to starve. However I will say that I want to eat, he doesn't have to but I can't play with him anymore cos it's time to eat. I don't force him to do things but I also won't let him force me to do things either, he is not my boss... as much as he tries to be!

Good luck- you aren't alone.

Morning !

Been there, done that. A few years back but still remember it.

My key pieces of advice:

Ignore the tantrums and just let them come out of it when ready. Make sure they are somewhere safe so they can't hurt themselves.

Always offer an alternative to the bad behaviour /tantrum. It was described to me as 'always let them have an out'. For example your child is screaming, you pick up a favourite toy and start to play with it. And have lots of fun. He might choose to come and join in.

Demonstrate the positive behaviour you are wanting. If he's throwing his food and screaming, just sit nicely and eat your toast, and drink your tea "yum, this toast is delicious, I might have another piece. You want some too? I have jam ". Be calm. Or act calm even if you don't feel it.

As hard as it is , don't shout as you just escalate and they get a (negative) reaction which helps no one.

Children of this age struggle with communication, their brains are working at a million times an hour and they can't ask easily for what they want, and they don't often know exactly what they want. So they get furious. Very quickly. It's normal. Infuriating, but normal. I once commented that children are al, very well, but they are rather childish 😬😂. And as an adult that's supremely irritating.

When you are full time working (I was) kids sometimes act up because they are overwhelmed with having mum all to themselves. And you aren't as well practised in looking after a small child because you don't do it all the time. So you probably have fewer tried and tested strategies. And your time is precious so you feel the impact of the trantrums and bad behaviour more acutely. This is normal.

This will pass. You are normal. It's hard. But the TLDR: don't rise to it, give him a positive way out, stay calm, lead with good behaviour.

Good luck!

Oh, forgot to add

Your comment that 'he only does this for me'. I had the same. Spoke to a good friend saying that I thought there was something wrong with my DC, maybe she had developmental problems? Friend kindly, gently said 'have you noticed that she only does this with you?. There's nothing wrong with her'. It was a lightbulb moment.

she's an adult now. We have a fabulous (but still feisty !) relationship.

Absolutely, you are that safe place where he can take risks. It's a sign of how close you are bonded and what a great job you are doing as a mother.

And, as my own mother used to say a lot and as an adult I have come to understand why she held on to the idea: 'remember that this phase, too, will pass'.

Ditto what others have said. Take it as a compliment - he feels so secure with you he can let his emotions out because he knows you'll be there for him. Don't get me wrong, it's a total nightmare dealing with it but reminding myself of this whenever our daughter loses it for me whilst being angelic for everyone else does take the edge off it slightly!