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My 8 year old doesn't like me

2 replies

Beambox · 16/06/2023 21:24

Hello, I'm after some friendly advice please. I'm 40 and live with my dh and dd who is 8.5 years old. When dd turned 1, it was like a switch went off and she had a big big attachment to dh. Literally, she used to bat/ kick me away if I tried to go near her when she was teething or upset. She would cling to her dad, crying her eyes out and peer up at me looking really scared. In addition, she would say awful things to me, e.g. all of us were laid in bed and she told me to turn the other way because she didn't want to look at my face. Everyone kept telling me one of two things. 1) 'Oh my dd/ds is like that too - only the attachment it to me' (the mum). Yep, it's completely the same thing! Or 2) 'oh, it won't last - she'll want you next week'. Fast forward to 5 years old...and it was like she noticed me for the first time. From 5-7, we had a lovely relationship...just how I'd hoped it would be. But now it's going back the other way, albeit in a different way, now that she's 8. Yeh, I get that kids change their preferences all the time. But she's much more like her dad personally and looks wise. They just connect easier and I can tell she feels more comfortable about being herself around him. Naturally, I am the one who exhibits more discipline. But also it just feels like she is critiquing me a lot. I wore some makeup to a party and she said I look like a witch. She hints about me being fat and she often says I smell funny. She will cuddle up with dh on the sofa and go to him for a hug and she wants him to put her to bed at night. We had these things together for a couple of years but it's faded now. Tonight she came to sit on my lap but then immediately pulled away. I asked why and she said I smell funny, like toothpaste or something. For the record, I brush my teeth twice a day and dh brushes his twice a week! Things are strained with dh...the pandemic meant he changed jobs and since then, he's a totally different person. Has lots tonnes of weight, has a deep tan, is bothered about how he looks in pictures, is really over friendly with people...nothing wrong with those things, except he was never bothered with any of them and had completely reinvented himself. We barely talk anymore and I feel dd just gets the worst of me all the time. Have considered splitting up from dh, just so that I might have a better relationship with dd. Just feel really low and rather lonely....so sorry this is so long, thank you if you read it all x

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
NuffSaidSam · 16/06/2023 21:29

When your DD says these things do you tell her that they're mean and hurtful and she should be more considerate? It sounds like your main problem isn't that you DD doesn't like you, but that she's rude and unpleasant (and her dad has poor oral hygiene).

Lira715 · 16/06/2023 21:43

I’m sorry you feel like this op .. I can’t really offer any advice from experience but leave your partner if you are unhappy with him but not to improve things with Dd as this may backfire. I’d plan a few hours a week where you and her do something fun like park, picnic roller skating, shopping etc so she can see you are fun too.. let her choose a movie and get blankets and snacks on sofa so you close but not forcing it , set up a little “spa “ for you both just anything where you talking and it’s just you two. Don’t take what she says too much to heart My Dd is nearly 8 and we are very close but she has also told me if I’ve put on weight and that I smelt bad when I was Ill haha both true and she wasn’t being mean just not thinking. She has also stopped wanting me to hug and kiss her at school drop offs which again is hard but she thinks she too old now. maybe think about how your partner talks to and about you .. if he’s saying mean things or putting you down she may think it’s acceptable and both need telling it’s not. Hope you find something that works.

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