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Original poster

Bed time for 5.5 year old

57 replies

blobblobblobfish · 16/06/2023 20:02

Just wondering what time everyone's 5.5 year olds go to bed?

Since the clock change, dd is staying up later and later... last night it was 9.30pm 🤯 She wakes up naturally around 6.15 every day.

Problem is I am a single parent and I work full time in a stressful job. Which means that I am internally screaming by 8, and literally on my knees by 9...

This evening, despite a week of school, various activities etc, she is still 'not tired'. Sadly I am beyond exhausted, so I have said that she can play quietly in her room until she feels tired and then she can go to bed, but she is not to call for me or come out unless it is an emergency. Now I feel really guilty but I need a fucking break and I've got so much to do!!!!

Is this another sign of her getting older... most of my other mum friends say their similarly aged kids are in bed and asleep by 7.30!!!!!

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NewMum0305 · 16/06/2023 21:27

Oh my goodness OP, I feel your pain. My four year old used to be a reliable 7.30/8pm - 7/7.30am. The last few weeks, anything before 9pm feels like an achievement and she’s still awake now.

Same routine as always, no screen time before bed, but it’s like we’ve gone abroad and she has jetlag except she hasn’t. I’ve tried being firm, sticker charts, letting her play, lights out. Nothing is working.

You have my sympathy!

Original poster
blobblobblobfish · 16/06/2023 21:29

No, very good points about the iPad, but she doesn't watch tv or anything like that so she currently gets half an hour on that. It's just very difficult to break the habit. She does like to draw etc, but she would probably want me to join in or do it with her which I can't do as I am trying to make dinner!

It's literally been since the clock change. She was normally asleep by 7.45/8, which is bearable.

She just is never tired! And I am not just saying that, she has so much energy all the time. And as I said, she wakes naturally between 6-6.15am, so surely if she needed more sleep she would wake later? I mean, she can't because we have to leave the house at 7.30, but thought I'd mention it anyway!

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Original poster
blobblobblobfish · 16/06/2023 21:30

@NewMum0305 you also have my sympathy in return, you've described it perfectly!!!!!

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Rolloisthebestpony · 16/06/2023 21:35

5 year old goes to bed between 6.30/7

This week she’s been struggling to sleep due to the heat though

Orangeroi · 16/06/2023 21:36

My 5 year old twins are the same. Always have been ‘night owls’. We always put them to bed as normal though around 8, then they have their Yoto player on until they go to sleep. We have to go in sometimes to tell them to stop talking etc but generally they are pretty good at staying in bed and listening to their stories. Currently they’re going to sleep around 9.30. They wake up about 7/730. This way we still get our evenings. I do want them to sleep earlier, but they are in a particularly late phase at the moment, last month they were sleeping more like 830. It’s quite useful though as often in the summer we spend the evening on the beach or at friends and we don’t have to rush back for bedtime at 7.

Original poster
blobblobblobfish · 17/06/2023 19:59

Sorry to come back to this again. In the midst of it again this evening. She had no screen time today, we had a lovely afternoon with her school friends and now she is once again refusing to fucking sleep or even stay in her bloody room!!!!!

Tried earlier bath and bedtime, it's just the same Shit but it's taking longer... I am downstairs crying and she is upstairs crying.

At the end of my fucking tether.

OP posts:
Beginningless · 17/06/2023 20:09

jannier · 16/06/2023 21:11

Have you tried rapid return? No conversation and a reward system for 7 nights in bed no getting up?
Does she like drawing ....you could set her up near you while your cooking ...less stimulating than screens. Then clear up once you put her to bed

Show quote history

I think this is good advice. Make a plan that you will quietly return her to bed every time she wakes. Talk to her about this beforehand so she knows it will happen. A sticker chart or marble jar rewarding her every night lights are out by the time you choose. Get her excited about the reward when chart/jar is full, get her to choose what she wants.

Prepare yourself for the first few nights to be shite. Get chocolate, wine, whatever helps you cope. Expect her to get up loads of times. But promise yourself to keep a lid on your frustration, just quietly return her, tuck her in.

NewMum0305 · 17/06/2023 21:08

Sending hugs, it’s beyond frustrating. Can you separate out the sleep and leaving the room? Would she be willing to stay in there and just rest/play quietly in bed? x

NewMum0305 · 17/06/2023 21:09

Sorry, just reread your OP and you already gave that option. What reason is she giving for coming out of her room?

Orangeroi · 17/06/2023 21:09

Put on an audiobook for her to listen to.

mimoo1 · 17/06/2023 21:12

My Daughter has always gone to bed a bit later (she just doesn't get tired). I take her up to bed around 7:45 for stories and she doesn't get to sleep until 8:30, occasionally 8:45.

All of my friends children are exhausted each night and are asleep by 7/730. I can only wish!!

OfMark87 · 17/06/2023 21:24

I have a 5.5 year old daughter she goes to bed at 8pm, not sure when she falls asleep as I just leave her to it. I sometimes hear her singing away if I'm in the bath or something but I've never heard her beyond 8:30pm.
She gets up about 7:30ish.
She's never uttered the words 'I'm tired' and is an absolute Duracell bunny constant all day but she knows not to get out of bed unless it's an emergency once she's in it and it's been like that since she was 3. (We used to cuddle to sleep)

FraterculaArctica · 17/06/2023 21:38

DS (DC3) is 3 and usually awake till 9 or 9.30. I am absolutely tearing my hair out that we can't get our kids to go to sleep earlier, it means that tidying the wreck of the house can't even start till 10 pm. He just gets out of bed and trashes his room (and disturbs DD with chatting) if left alone. Actually he gets out of bed and trashes his room even if not left alone...

Abouttimemum · 18/06/2023 00:29

DS is 4 and at 5.5 he’ll still be in bed by 7.30pm whether he likes it or not!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 18/06/2023 07:39

Sorry OP,
change takes time. Keep putting her back in her room with little conversation. All children resist change, but you know what’s best for her

WeWereInParis · 18/06/2023 08:20

This evening, despite a week of school, various activities etc, she is still 'not tired'. Sadly I am beyond exhausted, so I have said that she can play quietly in her room until she feels tired and then she can go to bed, but she is not to call for me or come out unless it is an emergency. Now I feel really guilty but I need a fucking break and I've got so much to do!!!!

I wouldn't feel guilty about this. This is how I put my 3 year old to bed every night - stories, cuddles, good night, then she can play quietly but come down if she needs us. We hear her pottering about, and she generally gets in to bed and goes to sleep after about half an hour.

jannier · 18/06/2023 10:00

blobblobblobfish · 16/06/2023 21:29

No, very good points about the iPad, but she doesn't watch tv or anything like that so she currently gets half an hour on that. It's just very difficult to break the habit. She does like to draw etc, but she would probably want me to join in or do it with her which I can't do as I am trying to make dinner!

It's literally been since the clock change. She was normally asleep by 7.45/8, which is bearable.

She just is never tired! And I am not just saying that, she has so much energy all the time. And as I said, she wakes naturally between 6-6.15am, so surely if she needed more sleep she would wake later? I mean, she can't because we have to leave the house at 7.30, but thought I'd mention it anyway!

If you are used to waking up at a certain time, you do, tiered or not.

jannier · 18/06/2023 11:28

blobblobblobfish · 17/06/2023 19:59

Sorry to come back to this again. In the midst of it again this evening. She had no screen time today, we had a lovely afternoon with her school friends and now she is once again refusing to fucking sleep or even stay in her bloody room!!!!!

Tried earlier bath and bedtime, it's just the same Shit but it's taking longer... I am downstairs crying and she is upstairs crying.

At the end of my fucking tether.

What about gradual withdrawal? So you sit with her but not in her bed no attention if she gets up lay her down but no words....take a comfy cushion and be prepared for a long sit. It generally takes a couple of weeks. But get shorter as you go. Less crying
Have you anyone who can take her for a few hours so you can get some rest?
Asking a child to slow down and prepare for sleep is hard it's like saying sit in this sweet shop but don't eat they will fight it and the older they get the more they fight if they are not already used to it.

Flurbegurb · 18/06/2023 11:55

I would probably try bribery. Is there something she really really wants? If she can go to bed quietly and listen to audio book, no shouting on you, then she can have x item? Maybe after 5 sleeps?

She's going to kick off and not want to do it but maybe this can get her over the hump.

Original poster
blobblobblobfish · 18/06/2023 12:40

Thanks for all the further suggestions. Last night was a battle until 9.30 when she finally gave up, then she was up at 5.30, so I am even more knackered.

I don't think she's being naughty, she just genuinely can't sleep! This is payback for when she was the perfect sleeper until she was about 3 😫

Actually feel really depressed today, anxious about tonight already, and being exhausted doesn't help.

Sadly not got anyone to have her for a few hours, as I said, father is not involved at all as he is abusive, and has been out of our lives since she was 8 months. I have very little family and they either live very far or are not interested, and friends are great, but all busy with their their own work/families/lives etc. I find that people love to offer, but when it actually comes down to it, those offers don't materialise...

OP posts:
Hiddiddleyho · 18/06/2023 14:53

Sorry you're struggling op. I worked with a sleep consultant when my Dd was 5. She would go to sleep ok but wake at 1:30am like an alarm had gone off, and be up for 3hrs. I'll paste what we did.

Hiddiddleyho · 18/06/2023 14:54

Bedtime passes
If you think the not sleeping is a psychological thing then you could try something called bedtime tokens / bedtime passes. Start with a family meeting, draw up some sleep rules, get your child to suggest and draw them to give them some ownership.

Agree a reward. We used playmobil, I bought a camping set and split it all up, put the names of all the bits on individual slips of paper in a pot.

Make loads of tokens together. I mean loads. If the child gets up at bedtime or calls you in the night then that's absolutely fine and allowed, but costs 1 token. Put them in a pot by their bed. If there are tokens left in the morning, the child gets a reward. My daughters was whichever bit of the playmobil set was written on the slip of paper she drew out. Like a tombola. One day it would be a person or horse, the next day a fork or spoon! High stakes...

For the first few nights the child needs to succeed. So you need more tokens than they will use. My Daughter used more than 30 the first night. When they're in the swing of it, start to gradually reduce the number of tokens. It took us a few weeks to get down to 6. My daughter started to fail a few times and had to try. We got stuck at this level a while. Eventually we got down to 3 and at some point the system was gradually forgotten.

You can look this up, I believe it's called bedtime passes and there's a few articles out there.

Hiddiddleyho · 18/06/2023 15:00

The things that make this powerful in my opinion are,

  1. the family meeting with the child 'in charge' of the sleep rules. My Dd drew them, one per page, and we stapled them together. She kept it by her bed to refer to. Her rules that she suggested were stay in your bed. No shouting. Wait for the sun in your clock.

  2. being set up to succeed,

  3. high stakes bribery

  4. calmer parent because there is 'a plan'. I was in a seriously bad place before it.

  5. less pressure, because they can still get up. It just costs a token. But that's fine.

PrincessesRUs · 18/06/2023 15:06

My 5.5 also goes to sleep late - normally 9 but with the heat it's been 9.30 - I can't get her to sleep early - she just isn't tired!!! She normally sleeps 9-7 which seems reasonable to me!

Embarra55ed · 18/06/2023 15:17

My 5 year old‘s sleep has gone to hell since half term. I think it’s the heat but he is up and out of bed repeatedly for hours until 10pm or later.

Up until recently he was out like a light at about 8 and if he ever (rarely) couldn’t sleep he’d just stay in bed listening to yoto. He’s been saying he’s worried we’re going to go out and leave him but he has no reason to think this (has never happened) and I actually think he’s just saying it because he knows it will get a more sympathetic response than saying he’s bored and can’t sleep. I’ve been trying to be patient but it is incredibly frustrating so following with interest and you have my sympathies OP!