Don't know what to do about 7 YO son

[VerySadParent]

Hello intranet – i'm lost and i'm not sure where to turn.

We have 7 year old boy-girl twins. They are completely opposite.

My daughter loves school, visiting the doctor, reading, helping around the house – you name it she's a princess.

Half the time my son is a nice kid but will only do homework, cleaning, getting ready for school or bed, etc. when pushed (not physically of course).

The other half of the time he's a terror. Running around the house screaming and hitting us. Not listening to his teacher (especially during lock down drills), hitting other kids. He's hidden notes in the house saying he hates us and we should die. It's very sad.

We've talked to him of course and always get the “I don't know.” when we ask why. We never know what is going to set him off. Sometimes I think it's when he's bored and wants attention but sometimes I think it might be diet or something mentally wrong.

We've taken toys away, kept him home when his sister gets to do something special on the weekend, no TV, etc. No change.

I talked to our pediatrician and he think it's just boys being boys and that going to a psychiatrist will actually cause him more issues.

Has anyone run into this before? School has already said that if he doesn't get better next year they will start suspending him.

Do YOU think your child's behavior is normal?

You need to get help quickly. This is no where near normal

I have brought up two DS and I would agree with you that something is wrong.

Are you documenting the behaviour to approach the Senco at school and your GP for further investigation?

I would strongly recommend this then your concerns are presented as factual and you don't feel you can be brushed off as an over concerned / emotional etc parent.
His behaviour isn't normal and the advice of boys being boys is quite worrying.

Sometimes I think it's when he's bored and wants attention

You’ve listed lots of negative attention you give him, how much positive attention does he get? Could you increase this? Lots more 1:1 time with him. Taking him to very active activities (rock climbing etc) and really bigging him up for them.

Therapy for him doesn’t have to be scary it could be an approach like play therapy.

Thanks everyone for your feedback.

Yes, we do spend a lot of time with the twins individually and separately going to parks, playing with toys at home, doing workbooks, reading to each other. We give them both praise when they do something good.

When we give him direct attention one-on-one he's fine unless he gets overexcited, then he starts hitting us. We explain that hitting isn't good, it isn't what we do - but he's so excited it's like he isn't listening. It is very difficult to calm him down and when he does, he either doesn't want to talk about why he was hitting or he says he doesn't know.

Some times he can be fine watching TV with his sister while I get a meal prepared, they will be fine, and then he will randomly get up and either yell or hit his sister to get her to start running away so he can chase her around.

I don't think this is normal - actually I know it isn't because he's the only one that gets right ups at school for hitting and not listening.

I will talk to our school rep and see if they know of someone we can talk to.