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Parenting

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Original poster

in need of feedback for my feelings.. please

17 replies

mad4mybaby · 21/02/2008 21:48

I started a thread about the baby dying in emmerdale and have decided to start a diff thread to try to see if anyone can reassure me or tell me im wierd or whatever...but..

Basically i have a 19 mnt ds whom i adore so so much. I was paranoid when he was born that he was going to die. In fact i was convinced. I suffered PND (came off pills 3 months ago and feel fine) and he was ill for the first year and on medication.

I feel like i am obsessed with him and that no one else knows how to look after him and i feel that dh doesnt love him as much as me (awful i know) i tell ds that i love him all day. (glad hes not an age to tell me to go away yet!) i just have to look at him and my heart feels all squeezed. Thinking about anything bad happening to him makes me hurt so much. I have friends/family with babies same age and they dont seem to be like me. I dont see any of them like that with their children, they just get on with it. Every day i want to make sure he is 100% happy. He is my life and i would rather be dead than without him. Why do i feel like this?? How can i get round it??

We are ttc just now. Im really looking forward to having another child. What if i dont feel like this 2nd time? but is it wrong in the first place. Am i as screwed up as i sound???

OP posts:

mindy26 · 21/02/2008 21:53

i dont thnk you are screwed up at all, i feel the very same way about my dd, i think its just motherly love, mother and child have a bond thats stronger than any other, i worry sometimes tha bcos i love dd so damn muc will there be enough love for anothr baby but i know there will!!

Original poster

mad4mybaby · 21/02/2008 22:14

i feel like that but i know i will have enough love because i thought exactly the same about dh before ds came along, so that is one thing im not worried about!

OP posts:

tryingfortwo · 21/02/2008 22:15

I feel exactly same about my dd and my new ds. I had worries that I wouldn't or couldn't love my ds as much as dd, mentioned this to my mum and she said she had same worries with everyone of hers - she had 7, she would feel really sorry for the baby she was pregnant with as she just couldn't believe she could love the next one as much as she loved the rest of us, guess what, she was always proved wrong.

Just enjoy it - its amazing.

mindy26 · 21/02/2008 22:19

the most amazingthing iv ever done, being a mummy is what life is all about for me!!!
Very slushy i know lol!!

Original poster

mad4mybaby · 21/02/2008 22:29

mindy, me too! i so feel that, but i cant help being morbid...

i know i should be enjoying him but i feel like this time is being taken away from me

OP posts:

Minkus · 22/02/2008 08:39

mad4mybaby- if these feelings are so strong that you can't divert them (e.g. think to yourself "I'm being a bit silly today, lets try and focus on something else") then I can understand why you are worried. A close family member suffered from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that was related to her previous PND and took the form of unpleasant thoughts that would pop into her head and she felt that she couldn't stop them, as distressing as they were for her.

I don't want to worry you but I do think that if these thoughts are interrupting your daily life and making you worried about the fact that you have them, it might be worth a talk to your health visitor or gp. They will have come accross this before (I hope, it seems to be more common than you think!) and should be supportive of helping you find a way to move forward.

The pages on OCD at nhs direct are a good start for information. Like I said I don't want to worry you unnecessarily but when you said "I feel like this time is being taken away from me" that is almost exacty what the member of my family said and I would want to do anything to prevent someone form becoming as depressed as she eventually became.

Good luck
xxxx

seasidemama · 22/02/2008 08:47

Hi mad4mybaby

How are you this morning? I agree with Minkus - if you're worried about how you're feeling then that seems like a good time to talk to someone about it. What you're describing sounds a bit like "intrusive thoughts". There's some more info on it here. Does your GP's surgery have a CPN attached? I'm sure they would be very familiar with what you're going through. xx

Original poster

mad4mybaby · 22/02/2008 09:55

what is CPN? I have spoke to a counsellor a few years ago about it (but ds wasnt around) as that was how i felt about dh. Didnt really help me. Spoke to gp the other week and she mad me do a self referral to the mental health people. She said i need CBT? Cognitive behaviour something or rather and that i prob wont be able to get it on the NHS...

OP posts:

seasidemama · 22/02/2008 10:48

Hi,

A CPN is a community psychiatric nurse - some of them are trained in CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). Most GP's have access to them if there isn't one attached to the surgery.

You definitely can get CBT on the NHS - but the wait might be quite long. I guess the MH people will do an assessment and see what they think you need and how urgent that need is.

cory · 22/02/2008 18:41

CBT can be helpful for all sorts of problems, both emotional and physical. It basically teaches you to identify unhelpful thoughts and put more constructive thoughts instead and you get taught a range of relaxation techniques.

My dd has been getting it on the NHS for her joint pains (the unhelpful thought being 'I can't cope with the pain') and it has done her good.

Though a close bond between toddler and mother is a very positive thing it does seem like the intensity of your anxieties is hurting you and you could do with some help. Some people find they relax naturally as they see their child growing more obviously strong and independent, but in your case it may be that you need a bit of extra support and some helpful techniques.

Minkus · 26/02/2008 16:58

how are things going mad4mybaby?

Original poster

mad4mybaby · 26/02/2008 20:56

hey minkus, thanks for msg. Im ok.. dh is away 4 work.. im still waiting for letter from the MHT to go and see them...

OP posts:

Minkus · 27/02/2008 17:59

Oh good. Let us know how you get on xx

Original poster

mad4mybaby · 28/02/2008 19:28

so i just had a msg on my a/p from them asking me to ring them. It was a guy. im scared to ring back/.. i feel really uncomfortable around guys talking about myself. I never never see a male gp unless im desperate. I know its stupid, hes trained etc but i dont want to sit and poor my heart out to a strange guy...

OP posts:

Minkus · 29/02/2008 13:18

He might just be calling to book the appointment- but if not I am sure that if you say you are uncomfortable with discussing these things with a man he'd be fine and arrange for someone else to be involved instead- I wouldn't feel comfy either and I'm sure that won't be the first time he's heard it. He won't take it personally! (If he's a good professional sort)

IndigoMoon · 29/02/2008 13:35

i catastrophise everything with my two. its hard and horrible. when i had just had dd i used to go through scenarios in my head about falling down stairs to much worse, this emerged again when pregnant with ds and i still can do it now. i just try and blank it out and move on from it as it really is a total waste of my time to sit there thinking the worst.

Original poster

mad4mybaby · 29/02/2008 16:30

i just rang him back and they dont have access to CBT. He gave me a website to work through... will see how i go. Not sure about it though!

OP posts:

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