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Parenting

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Original poster

Son keeps quitting activities

22 replies

Bambi1980 · 15/06/2023 19:08

Hi all, my 8 year old son keeps quitting all
the activities I book him on. He quit swimming lessons (which I wasn’t overly bothered about as he had been going for years and can swim) he started karate then quit after a couple of months. He did beavers for a few years then when he started cubs he said it was boring and then quit that. He now only does wrestling once a week and has started missing sessions saying he doesn’t like that.

He doesn’t play any sport, doesn’t like football and has no hobbies. All he’s interested in is playing games on his iPad and watching gamers on YouTube.

I have tried to make him go to these activities but it gets to a point where it becomes frustrating and if I force him to go he will hate it even more. I suggest other things and they all get poo pooed.

I don’t know how to be more persuasive with him without being forceful.

I worry that his lack of participation in sports will cause him problems when he starts high school, as he won’t be part of a group.

Putting into context, he’s in year 4, working to expected level with no issues, we also have twin girls who are 5. I work full time and partner works part time. No health problems or anything like that.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

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bookworm44 · 15/06/2023 19:10

I don't think there's anything wrong with him trying these things to see if he likes them or not. Does he have any friends that he socialises with?

recsw · 15/06/2023 19:12

Don't force him to do any activities.

Limit his screen time, and let him work out how to entertain himself. Not everyone is into group activities, but he needs non-screen time to find out what interests him away from the addictive screen activities.

MathsNervous · 15/06/2023 19:14

I have four DC and not all of them participate in sports. You can't force it. One does fencing, another judo, two don't do anything sporty with the exception of trips to the park.

They are all individuals and have different interests.

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MathsNervous · 15/06/2023 19:16

Yes, socialising with friends is something my youngest two are starting to take an interest in which I am delighted with.

Appreciate the small victories.

AuroraForever · 15/06/2023 19:18

You can’t force him to do things he’s not interested in. And you can’t worry about high school because a lot can and will change between now and then. All you can do is try and limit the time on the iPad or take him to activities that involve gaming and/or coding as you never know, this may be what he’s actually passionate about.

Sarfar45 · 15/06/2023 19:21

My son never wanted to do clubs after school at primary school. I said he had to do swimming until he could safely swim a length and tread water but otherwise didn't push it. He just wanted time to unwind after school.
We went to the park after school once a week if he wanted to.
Now he's at secondary school he started organising himself. He's always meeting with friends after school and goes boxing once or twice a week.
Just limit screen time a bit he will be fine.

recsw · 15/06/2023 19:21

My brother never stuck with activities. He was really into maths and science, and gradually found friends who were the same. They would happliy play 3D chess for hours (I struggle with normal 2D chess). Fast forward a decade or several and he has had a very happy career in research with like minded people and a great social life revolving around maths/ science-y things.

Octagoneaway · 15/06/2023 19:25

Don’t worry too much, if he goes along happily at first try to think of it as trying new things until he finds what he enjoys. And he’ll have learned something from each of the experiences, so it’s not wasted.

Giselletheunicorn · 15/06/2023 19:28

This all feels very pressured tbh....

From the look of it, you are focusing particularly on outdoorsy and/or sporty activities and these may simply not be his thing. Maybe try something a bit different, like a Lego club, or art club?

Also, don't under-estimate how tiring school is for kids these days. My son comes back wiped and wants screen time to decompress. Kids don't necessarily want/need lots of structured activities. One club or activity a week is totally fine.

mybestchildismycat · 15/06/2023 19:28

In general I do think it's good for kids to something outside of school - whether that's a team sport, solo sport, scouts, art club etc. All my DC tried a LOT of different things over the years and have all now found their 'thing'. What I figured out (the hard way) over the years...

DON'T push a competive activity on a child that doesn't enjoy competition. It's not fair.

Allow kids to quit, but not on a whim - eg. you can stop once you've finished the term.

Don't get overly invested in a particular activity as a parent. It's for them, not you. Go at their pace.

Ttink about 'alternative' sports (skateboarding, parkour, climbing etc) that are cool and fun. Or something like park run that you could do together.

Have a fall back activity which you insist on them doing if they won't do anything else. Swimming is good for this.

Limit screen time. It's hard, but so addictive.

NuffSaidSam · 15/06/2023 19:32

Being open to try new things and then realising they're not for you and moving on is an excellent skill. No problem there. If he's done swimming and beavers for years, he's hardly giving up all the time.

The issue for me would be an 8 year old seemingly slipping into a screen addiction. Why is he playing games or watching gamers at all? He's 8. Take it away. Say no. Completely unnecessary at that age. He'll find a more productive way to spend his time then.

NotEverORNever · 15/06/2023 19:42

Do you do any activities as a family. Sometimes kids find less structured activities more fun.

My kids found swimming lessons dull but loved going swimming especially in pools with slides or inflatables.

Smartiepants79 · 15/06/2023 19:46

Seriously limit the screen time and then see if he fancies an activity as an alternative.

wildfirewonder · 15/06/2023 19:49

What activities do you or his dad do?

Original poster

Bambi1980 · 15/06/2023 20:30

Thanks for the replies

I don’t feel like I pressure him into doing things, I just wanted him to try out new things and find something he likes to do. It just feels like everyone at school is doing activities and I didn’t want my son to have no other interests. Also I don’t want him to think he can just quit things straight away.

He does have too much screen time, I agree. Don’t even know where to start with that as it would be my partner enforcing it more than me. He all three children alone much more than me due to working patterns so it’s become an habit that allows him to do stuff such as cooking etc.

As a family we go to the park, I try and book things on a Sunday like going out for day trips but it’s not every week.

Has hobbies mine is going to the gym and partner is a keen guitar player.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bambi1980 · 15/06/2023 20:31

I agree he’s too much screen time, as have a lot of kids but easier said than done to remove it completely. He plays age appropriate games such as Roblox and Minecraft.

OP posts:

NuffSaidSam · 15/06/2023 20:37

I'd question whether an 8 year old playing online games is age appropriate tbh. Who told you they're age appropriate? The people who made the games and want your money? Not sure they're the most trustworthy source tbh!

It's age appropriate for an 8 year old to play Lego (or similar), draw/craft, read, play with his siblings, play with his friends, be outside, climb a tree, kick a ball...

Nandocushion · 15/06/2023 20:47

My DS was the same - starting activities with enthusiasm, only to lose interest after a few months or a year or so. Like many PP I thought it was fine and I wasn't going to force him as I had been forced when I was young.

Thing is, he's now 15 and complains that anything he starts doing now, all the other kids are miles better at, because they've been doing it since they were 6 or 8 or whatever. So that puts him off trying things now as he's always the worst at things.

No solution, OP, but I'm not convinced now that I did the right thing in letting him give things up so easily.

Original poster

Bambi1980 · 15/06/2023 21:01

Yes I would love him to do that and he does have friends over to play. I’m not saying all he does is play games. He sits with us playing the games so I do supervise what he plays. There’s no violence, swearing etc. He won’t be the first or last 8 year old to game.

OP posts:

NuffSaidSam · 15/06/2023 21:30

Of course it's not a problem unique to you by any means, there are similar threads almost daily here. Sometimes from parents a few years down the line where it's an even bigger problem that it is when they're 8 and you've got full control over what they do.

We need a population level attitude shift. The idea that's it's perfectly fine to have primary school children glued to screens because they all do it/because what they're doing is 'age appropriate'/because parents are busy etc. needs to change. It's not good. There are far better uses for an 8 year olds time.

MathsNervous · 15/06/2023 21:56

Bambi1980 · 15/06/2023 20:31

I agree he’s too much screen time, as have a lot of kids but easier said than done to remove it completely. He plays age appropriate games such as Roblox and Minecraft.

We have vintage consoles (like a PS2) with games for children to play. No internet connection. Not necessary for primary aged children in their free time.

My two youngest love playing games on the old consoles. They don't know any different.

BodyKeepingScore · 16/06/2023 10:04

Not every child benefits from scheduled activities, despite what the consensus seems to be. A child will get nothing out of an activity they simply don't enjoy. I agree with PP, limit screen time, encourage him to occupy himself, lots of free play in open spaces and play dates etc.
There's plenty of time when he's older for him to find his specific interest so to speak.
If he has plenty of company outside of school the structured clubs aren't essential.

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