Baby's 1st bday

[flowerzchox]

We just want to be by ourselves after what feels like a pretty full on year

Mil has been a nightmare to be honest and my husband has tried so many times talking to her but she doesn't see it - list is endless

Anyway we just want a simple say to ourselves and celebrate my ourselves

She's insisting she's over on her day

Just like she insisted of coming to the hospital, turning up daily for 6 days until we said we need to be in our baby bubble and she didn't speak to us for 2 weeks sulking
She's very overpowering and we've had a year of it
She's old and in her day her mum moved in etc

We don't want to be rude but just want me my husband and my eldest

How do I go about this? I don't want to come across rude or like I don't appreciate her support and there's much more to it but don't wanna do a monster post

Thanks in advance x

She sort of takes over and coos so much over baby ( I know that what grandparents do !) but my mum has a nice balance - she doesn't
My eldest who is from previous husband did feel I it im could tell. ( she's 11) and that was our biggest thing making sure she didn't feel left out

Do I message ahead and just say what our plans are but say we see her day before or after etc ? X

Don’t tell her what your plans are or she will turn up. Just say ‘we’ve got plans for the day to celebrate our first year as a family of 4 but it would be lovely to see you the day after for some birthday cake.’

I know you say you don’t want to be rude but she is being incredibly rude ignoring your wishes. Be a bit more blunt, stop worrying about offending her and let her sulk. She’ll get over it. Make sure she doesn’t know where you are going and have a lovely day!

Definitely don't tell her your plans. Above advice is what I'd do too.

If she shows up on the birthday, start getting your shoes on even if you've no plans to do anything, and say 'we're on our way out, we'll see you on Saturday for cake!' if she insists on coming with you. Be blunt and direct. Say no thank you.

Thing is it's a week day and we are considering just working it ( im on mat leave ) but my husband is sub contractor and will lose a lot of money and its tight so we are considering maybe staying at home and having a little tea and cake in the garden maybe so by not saying anything she may well just turn up
She did that on my bday
So if we say we shall see you before or after surely that's acceptable
It's what we do with my mum and she's super cool with that

Oof. I'm often on the MIL's side on MN, but she sounds like a lot. You're still only at the beginning of the parenting journey so you will need to be firm.

Consider organising a family party the weekend before so they can do the presents and cake bit. Get your mum on side to talk about leaving you in peace on the day itself, how it's a day for the parents etc.

Or, invite grandparents round in the evening of the actual birthday. If she's coming in the evening she's less likely to doorstep you earlier in the day and you'll be able to have some time to yourselves. Ordinarily, it's nice for grandparents to see the DC on their birthdays, but like I said I can understand you wanting boundaries!

My DS just had his birthday on Sunday. We didn't want a fuss and couldn't be doing with everyone round so we took him to the beach for a few days.
It was amazing. We had the best time!

We just told people we had made plans and wanted his birthday to be just us as a family. We can do something extended at a later date if family really want to but for his birthday it's just about us and him

End of.

I had the same from my mum for DDS second birthday.

I said, sorry we're going out for the day because that's what we want to do. We'll see you for some cake on the weekend.

I got 'why can't I come too' and even more childish 'but I'm the GRANDMA!' (newsflash DD has two grandmas 🤨) but stood firm and said no. Who cares if they sulk, do what you want to do, they're fully grown adults.

Thanks all! @Spottypineapple This is exactly what my MIL is like. My hubby told her we are having a day out and she was miffed she isn't coming. But neither is my mum, neither is anyone else! She struggles with boundaries

She kept saying when baby was little I should limit visitors as I was still recovering and this was to my sister and her girls - my nieces ! This didn't include her - she's been a complete nightmare and because of that yes I do want it to be just us. She can visit day before or after / weekend as it's a Thursday for cake like my mum

I find it strange and peculiar people act this way
We used to be so close but she's definitely got strange since baby has been born
Like she is obsessed - not in a good way x

My MIL is really full on, too. DH didn't want her to come over on the day, but we knew she probably would, so he told her 6 weeks in advance that we were celebrating his actual birthday by ourselves but we'd do something with them too, in advance. He planned something they'd prefer, as the thing we were going to do so was something we'd suggested doing with them before, and they hadn't wanted to do.

She hated the idea and properly kicked off about it, stormed out and refused to give him the birthday presents she'd bought him (and actually never has; he's now 18 months old), and we've not actually celebrated his birthday with them... but we had a lovely day, and we're both glad that we "protected" his day. A lot of her reaction was about bigger issues than just him.

Enjoy his first birthday! They start feeling so grown up so fast 🥺

Omg that's exactly what my mil is like
We decided to have our own Xmas just us and she hated us over that even though most years we've spent it with her and not my mum! She thinks she better than anyone else which is really sad.
She didn't speak to us for 2 weeks and we didn't get any Xmas presents for the
Girls for weeks after - she acted like a child
Even if my 11 year old doesn't act like that

I'm going to tell her soon and reiterate what we are doing like you giving 6 weeks she has a month to get used to it and get a date in the diary around her bday

The list is endless with the lack of support she has done over the year but as I say that's not why we don't want her - it's not about her it's about wanting to be just us x