My DD thinks she’s fat

[littlecats]

My DD is 9 and she’s said to me on a number of occasions that she thinks she’s fat. I don’t think she is. She wears size 10 clothes now but I don’t think that’s unusual. She does have friends who are skinnier than her, including her best friend whose parents had to take her to the doctor for not putting on enough weight. I understand an older child once told her she was fat but she says this isn’t the reason she thinks that. I’m just not sure what to do to stop her focusing on this body image. I’ve told her she’s not fat but I’d rather find a way of getting her to see it rather than just taking my word for it. Any suggestions?

Well, be honest - is she overweight? What is her diet like.

Im not sure wearing size 10 clothes at age 9 is normal unless you mean child’s age 10 clothes and not women’s size 10?

Do you mean age 10 or adult size 10 because if the latter then yes she is overweight .

If she is just wearing age 10 then that's not really a problem .

Do you mean age 10 or size 10 clothes? Where does she sit on the percentiles for weight and height? Its best to look at things like percentiles as it have been proven parents cant often be objective enough about their child's weight by looking at them.

Look at her height and weight percentiles, this will tell you if her concerns are realistic or poor body image. Once know that you can make sensible decisions about what to do next.

Hmm, well this depends if she wears age 10 clothes or adult size 10? Because that makes a difference. Do you think she's overweight? Is she particularly tall for her age?

At this kind of age, there will be taller and bigger girls who look more like 10-11 year olds, and petite girls who look more like 7-8 year olds.

It only gets more pronounced in year 6 when some girls are well into puberty and others are nowhere near.

Sounds like your daughter is comparing herself to her small friend? It’s definitely not unusual or worrisome to be a child wearing clothes a year or two bigger than their actual age. That isn’t the same as being overweight.

We have the same issue with our 10 yo and I think it’s very common. I think the approach depends on how rational your dd is capable of being. So you can try challenging it (eg show her where she sits on the NHS BMI calculator), reassure that it’s a normal thing to worry about but we don’t have to believe all our worries.

This didn’t really help my kid who is utterly convinced she is fat because she compares herself to her underweight friend (who has a serious medical issue!) They can be very black and white at this age. But with my dd the worries about her body are linked to issues with self esteem, so we are working on that. I think they pick up the message that fat = bad very early and then it attaches to their self-esteem wobbles.

If she tells you she is fat, you are better to explore that with her rather than denying her own experience. Fat isn’t a bad thing or a bad word. It’s okay to talk about it and figure out what that word means to her, what she has attached to it and brainstorm about bodies and feelings and the same conversation about most topics.

Lol! Yes child size 10, not women’s. Perfectly normal! And no, she’s not over weight.

Thank you. I like this idea

Depends totally is she wearing age 10 clothes - pretty normal, or size 10 - definitely not and I’d be playing it cool with her but making some changes to diet, activity.

Have you checked her BMI? If so, and it is ok can you use that to show her. At 10 it's worth exploring this in terms of puberty and growing up and how girls bodies change. If she genuinely isn't overweight then I'd assume that these feelings are more linked to body changes than actual weight. It's hard if she's the first to be going through puberty. I'd also look at her influences around body image. Does she play any sport? That can be useful to frame body image in terms of what they can do rather than what they look like.

I think I'd explore her feelings with her. There's not really much point in continually denying her thoughts.

As an aside I think she's in a perfectly normal age range. My DD is nearly 9 and it age 10 too, she's just tall for her age and athletic build.

Interesting, her brother started puberty much earlier than most of his class so could be she will too. She loves sports. She had ADHD so she never stays still. Always running, swimming, gymnastics and general movement.

I wonder if the ADHD is part of that, it can cause dc to want graze quite a lot and to really crave the dopamine hits that eating certain foods can give you.
Frequently thinking about food and feeling the desire to eat is rather out of control can easily slip into feeling fat. Particularly if she is closer to puberty than her friends.
Eating issues and ADHD can definitely go together.

Find a picture of a girl approx your daughter's age and physical build and casually ask her if she considers the girl to be "fat". Her answer will give you an idea if her view of what is overweight/fat is skewed or if she sees herself as much larger than she really is.

It might be easier for your daughter to verbalize what she means by "fat" when she's discussing some (unknown) person in a photo as opposed to herself.